29 and sexaully repressed

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please give yourself permission to enjoy sex. Your abuse was not your fault but his and may he be forever damned for it.

Can you talk with your husband? Does he understand? Is he supportive?

[vixen74]

I had a friend who was similar to you a few years ago. She was 2 yrs older than me(i am in my mid 30's) and she hated the idea of sex. The fact you have joined this forum is the first day of the rest of your life. Sex is something so intimate, so special and so amazing that with help you will start to understand what all the fuss is about!

[e_room_matt]

Originally Posted by Emo Pop Princess

oh boy,i don't know where to begin.well i guess i might tell something about me. see i am 29 and really scared about the idea of porn and things of that sort.i am married and i have sex with one man and one man only but i one problem and that problem is i feel shy about watching porn or even masturbating. i mean i do but i don't let myself cum or is that aloud in this forum.even being on this forum is a little scary. i have never liked the idea of sex. i mean don't get me wrong sex is great but growing up i never liked hearing the word sex even in school i never could handle the fact that men and women have sex to have babies. my husband is great about not making fun of me but i am going to be 30 next year and i think it is time for me to come out of me shell sorta -speak.any advise for me would be welcomed and appreciated.

Yeah my wife is in the same boat (same age even). I don't have any advice or techniques for you, only encouragement. The very fact that you think the time has come to come out of your shell is a very good sign in itself.

Coming out of your shell will be good for you. There is a lot of personal growth and confidence that can come from overcoming inhibitions.

Coming out of your shell will be VERY GOOD for him. Speaking as the husband of a very reserved woman, any time she shows a spark of aggression or ambition it is very fun and exciting. Keep up the inhibited girl bit, build up some tension, then pounce on him and tear him apart. You'll blow his mind! For me there is nothing hotter than I realize my wife is going to have her way with me and there is nothing I can do about it (sigh...).

Finally, coming out of your shell will be very good for your relationship. Speaking purely as a man; even loyal and faithful husbands still have the 'spread the seed' instinct in them. Staying committed to the same woman for a lifetime is hard enough when you aren't fighting primative urges. Any time I get the sense, "is this is the same basic 30 minute, once a week routine I can expect for all eternity?" it is impossible not to think of what you could be missing out on.

The reality is keeping things fresh and exciting isn't just fun, it is essential to a healthy relationship. Having very exciting, unpredictable, passionate sex occasionally is far more important to the male than having sex frequently. I don't think many women realize this and lapse into the mode of just 'changing our oil' to shut us up. We are quite happy to be shut up in that regard, but things can be better for both of you if you focus on quality first.

Keep him thinking he still hasn't seen every side of you.

Keep him thinking you are still a conquest.

[Newwife]

I came from a very religious background that discourages personal sexual experimentation. When I was first married for the first 2 years I was very reserved when it came to sex. My husband was very supportive and understanding on my road to sexual awakening. (That is the only word to me that describes what it was.)

I joined this site & it helped me enormously. I have found that it is ok to say out loud what I want sexually, and my husbands understanding and even enthusiasm was a great help. I welcome the honest and blatant help/suggestion that come from many of the senior members on this site.

I have found that the one thing that has always helped me break out of my shell was honesty. Because truthfully, I am a freak underneath and once I let it all flow I felt an extremely empowering that cannot be replaced from anything. Don't judge yourself or let anyone make you feel dirty/ashamed for having sexual needs and voicing them. (even if they turn out to be downright freaky!)

Good Luck!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

A religious background does not, of itself, mean sexually repressed. It is the total package of what went on within the family that does it. There, whatever your inherent nature might be, you will find either support or a lack of support. Having a basically shy, retiring nature, AND a non-supportive family is what leads to being sexually repressed; whether your family was religious or not.

Once cut loose from the family, one tends to revert to one's inherent nature, perhaps with some modifications, often in reaction to how they raised.

Thus the high powered kid repressed by parents goes overboard in college.

[Newwife]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

A religious background does not, of itself, mean sexually repressed. It is the total package of what went on within the family that does it. There, whatever your inherent nature might be, you will find either support or a lack of support. Having a basically shy, retiring nature, AND a non-supportive family is what leads to being sexually repressed; whether your family was religious or not.

Once cut loose from the family, one tends to revert to one's inherent nature, perhaps with some modifications, often in reaction to how they raised.

Thus the high powered kid repressed by parents goes overboard in college.

I wasn't saying that religion made me that way. I always felt rather guilty as a teen who masturbated and was then told that it was wrong & praying would help.

I have found that I am very sexual person, but was never comfortable talking to my parents as a teen about these urges that I was having. So this then transfered to my marriage & not only with sex. I also had trouble dressing sexy, talking about sex openly, etc.

The point I was trying to make is to just jump in and enjoy sex!! Sex can be wonderful, and amazing as long as you are sharing it with someone that you can let go with! Have fun!

[EvilEvilKitten]

But I wasn't just talking to you, you see, Newwife. Many people have the impression that religion represses sexuality. So, I was clarifying that while it can, it is more a question of application than one of content. I too was raised religiously, grandparents were deacons and there are more than few Puritans in my line, however, no one has ever called me sexually repressed.

[Emo Pop Princess]

i never had parents that i felt i could talk to about the whole sex thing.i was never taught any thing about sex and any thing about it growing up and when i found a good support system with people who i could really trust i was and still am afraid to ask questions about any thing that deals with sex.religion was never the problem but i thought i would die a virgin.i was never into guys because i did not think i would ever meet some one to love me.i really didn't love myself and i thought that no one would love me so i didn't try to get a boyfriend,to tell you the truth i was never the social one.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop modeling yourself on Emo and go for Mrs. Emma Peel instead.

[Emo Pop Princess]

evilevilkitten,i like your advise but you really don't know me.i am emo through and through.i am proud of it as well.i am bipolar with way too many switches in my mood.i really think talking to all of you helped,because i don't feel as scared about sex as much any more.so i want to thank all of you for being supportive about my issue.i really thought i would get a negative reaction from any one who read my post,but i was surprised to find that i am not alone about some of my feelings toward sex and any thing that involved the word sex.