Advice need

[TCFA88]

Im not sure if this is the correct place to put this.

after 4 and half years me and my girl friend split up on november the 5th. I have no regrets about doing it and it was mutal agreement.

overall i've been happy and people are noticeing a lot changes in me for the better.

The only thing im feeling difficult is Im missing the company and tend to feel lonely quite a bit. my ex was the first person and only person I have ever been out with and we spent every day togeather.

since we split up I have been spending a time with other mates, male and female going to the cinima and playing sports etc.

I dont drink and hate going out at weekends.

it my sound really harsh and nasty but I dont miss her, I miss the company. Im ok when im working its just when I get time on my own.

Im only 21 and though this my sound really daft i miss being close to someone.

so after someone told me bout this site, I thought i'd give it a wirl and see what kind of advice if any I could get back.

any tips or advice would be great

thanks in advance.

[lnt1103]

You're not daft. This is all normal. I dated a guy 4 and a half years, and we broke up when I was about your age. I mourned the friendship I had with him more than I mourned the 'relationship'.

You'll get varying opinions on what your next step should be. Here's what MY next step was: I took some time with no romantic prospects on my radar screen. Casual dating, dating more than one person at a time, isn't my style, so I dated no one at all for quite a while. The "me" that was practically attached to his hip for 4 and a half years, needed to find the "me" that was just "me" again, and get comfortable with that before I could be any use to anyone else. But that's just me, you'll need to do what feels right to you.

Just remember that these are all normal emotions. There's nothing "wrong" with the way you're handling it so far. Handle it the way that feels the most comfortable for you.

[Buck Naked]

I had a very similar situation when I was younger and I just took a year off from all relationships. It was nice to be "me" instead of "us". After that year, my future relationships were much healthier. I found I was hanging on to people that were not a good fit out of habit. Taking the time to myself made me realize that I didn't need to be a couple and I was able to take my time and find a good fit. A couple of years late and after a couple of minor flings I met my wife and the rest is history.

I wish you as much luck as I've had.

[dancingdoc2]

> The only thing im feeling difficult is Im missing the company and tend to feel lonely quite a bit. my ex was the first person and only person I have ever been out with and we spent every day togeather.

Separation anxiety is normal and will take weeks or months to get past.

One thing to keep in mind is that great relationships are built on the premise that two people choose to join forces for the betterment of each and to have a life greater than the sum of its two parts. That said, you need to spend this interim time becoming one with yourself and not wanting to be in a relationship in hopes that "she" will complete you. Never happen.

So do like any single person does, make a life for yourself. Occupy your free time with activities whether they are solo or in the company of others. Once you can establish a successful enjoyable life as a single, you can then elect to find someone to share it with and to have something even better.

[TCFA88]

Thanks for the advice guys, really good and helpful.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You need to build a happy, satsfying personal life before you can ask anyone else to join you. You began your past relationsip when you were 17 and like a kid you held onto it tooth & claw but not because of her but because you needed another warm body near you. Rather like a toy animal. Foolishly, you clung onto one girl when you should have been dating many.

You hate going out? Too bad - stop behaving like a 60 year-old man in a monastery and get out there. Women are not going to beat a path to your door a you are. Put some thought and effort into it; show signs of life; increase your social circle. Do not date exclusively; you're not serious yet so don't be serious.

Oh and develop a cast-iron sense of self so you don't have to worry about 'finding yourself' or worry if it is 'me' or 'us' - silly pop-psyche.

[TCFA88]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

You need to build a happy, satsfying personal life before you can ask anyone else to join you. You began your past relationsip when you were 17 and like a kid you held onto it tooth & claw but not because of her but because you needed another warm body near you. Rather like a toy animal. Foolishly, you clung onto one girl when you should have been dating many.

You hate going out? Too bad - stop behaving like a 60 year-old man in a monastery and get out there. Women are not going to beat a path to your door a you are. Put some thought and effort into it; show signs of life; increase your social circle. Do not date exclusively; you're not serious yet so don't be serious.

Oh and develop a cast-iron sense of self so you don't have to worry about 'finding yourself' or worry if it is 'me' or 'us' - silly pop-psyche.

well wasn't expecting that but some good points in thier which I will take onboard.

thanks

[EvilEvilKitten]

With the sweet comes the sour just like life!
But you won't get the girl sitting at home.

[TCFA88]

yup you are right, already makeing plans