Should I cheat?

[adrianmas]

Wifey doesn't have sex drive. Been with her 10 years now. I've been sexually frustrated for 9.5 of those 10 years. Since she is not willing to take care of me, or go to therapy, I have to cheat, become an adulterer, which I don't really want to be, and take my life back.

Anyone else going through the same thing? What are your thoughts? Suggestions? I am a 36 year old attractive man, works out and a pleaser and not selfish.

[EvilEvilKitten]

WHY?

What are her reasons for her behavior?
Why haven't you divorced her yet?

If you do not want to commit adultery, don't. Find the answers to the above questions and THEN decide divorce or not. There is no need for adultery any more.

[Rouge]

Why not tell her point blank: "If you won't have sex with me, I'll find someone who will. I'd much prefer it being you, my wife, but I'll go elsewhere if I have to"

[Brandye]

You would be amazed how many marriages are essentially sexless. Without kids, why hang around? With kids, marital counselling may help you adapt but you will be better off paying child support.
Rouge, above, has the best advice.

I just discovered that this is a repeat post from a longer one. That is irritating.

[Sekcboi85]

Did you really expect people on here to say, "Yes, go and cheat so you feel better?"

I like Rouge's advice. Just be direct and tell her how you feel. If she can't give you what you want, then why stay with her? I know you must be comfortable with her after 10 years, but is it worth it when you are feeling this way?

[Buck Naked]

If it's time to cheat it's time to move on.

[dancingdoc2]

> If she can't give you what you want, then why stay with her?

Is it "can't" or "won't"? Do you know and if not why? Communication is key and after ten years or one year or one month, if you cannot discuss matters, there is bound to be trouble and discord.

Is she romantic at all in other aspects such as kissing (passionately), hugging, making out? If not why not? If this is the situation,
it sounds to me like there are major issues within the marriage that are only being manifested by her lack of interest. I believe the possibility of this being the case needs to be investigated. If she is unhappy with the relationship for some reason, sex is usually the first indication of a problem and the lasting most obvious indication.

In the replies, above, people are suggesting that her problem may be other than medical; has she had a medical evaluation? Why not.

Before divorcing, have a discussion with her about what it might be that has her unhappy. If this cannot be worked on, and with continued refusal to identify and work on whatever is wrong, then you can make that decision.

[cardiganjim]

Let's not throw the 'babe' out with the bath water. Marriage is a package deal: everyone has good and not-so-good points/habits/attitudes et al. Sex, though very important more so to men, is just one.

Yes, she's lost the desire for 'sex' but still enjoys 'loving'. She doesn't has the same sexual feelings; but with a long-term partnership, she still has a desire to 'please' me at times.

I don't cheat - I have my owm therapy session to meet MY needs, not denying her hers nor our partnership together.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sorry but NO sex is not more important to men than it is to women - stop generalizing. For SOME women and SOME men, perhaps.

[Rouge]

Definitely not more important to one or the other. I know that I can easily frustrate my partner by being ridiculously horny when he isn't; and happens more than less. (He's awesome and is horny a lot, but lately we're on different wavelengths about it).