Sex at all time low with gf

[babrad06]

Been with my gf for over a year now, she is 21 I am 22, and we barely ever have sex. By this I mean that we have had it 3 times in the past 4 months. We never do anything else unless it leads up to sex, IE oral or even making out.

This is kind of all of a sudden, when we first started having sex it was 3 times a week (she had other partners previously) and now I am lucky if it happens once a month. She always says that she isn't in the mood and nothing I do can get her in the mood. We have talked about it at least 3 or 4 times but nothing ever changes. She assures me that she is still attracted to me and that I perform well, I asked her what to do to help her get in the mood but she doesn't know. She acknowledges that there is a problem and always says she will work on it but I see no progress. Other than this everything in our relationship is perfect, but this is starting to effect that.

She is on BC but has been since the start, so I don't think that's the culprit. She is also not the cheating type and any time I call her she will always answer so I've ruled that out. I have looked all over the internet on what to do and I am running out of ideas. Any sort of counseling is almost out of the question, besides the fact I couldn't afford it I doubt she would go for it. I have a few more ideas up my sleeve but after that I don't know what to do. Any ideas?

[Massdebator]

Stress from work/school and/or depression can often lead to a low libido. Have you talked to her about this? Have there been any recent changes or developments that she hasn't cared for in her work? Does she crave something new in her life, but instead feels stuck in a rut? There are many factors that can affect one's desire or need for sexual gratification, so I'm just taking a shot in the dark here. I'm sure the other members will have other ideas as well, but stress is a common culprit.

[dancingdoc2]

Is she using a contraceptive? If so, what? If a BCP, which one? Very often the pill can rob a woman of her desire. If this should be the case with her, she should talk to her doctor and see about switching to one that has less of a problem.

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I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Read the sticky posts entitled The Program and Body Worship and start doing them. If this doesn't work, it may be time to move on. She may say she's working on it, but if there's no progress there may be nothing in this relationship for you.

[Brandye]

A good long chat withthe understanding that each is to express feelings without risk of an argument. Feelings are just that: feelings not facts and as such are valid to the one holding that feeling.

[arutha]

At the risk of most people having the opposite opinion of this, don't bother with the 'long deep chats'. You have already tried it, you already know that talking doesn't work. No matter how many times you say its an issue and she says she will work on it, it will not improve.

Women, especially at a young age like that, are very largely driven by emotion. They act on what they feel. Chances are, as the relationship has progressed you have become more complacent around her and stopped trying as hard, she probably has too. It naturally happens as you both take each other for granted. If you want it to work, you need to go back to what you were doing at the start of the relationship which made her mad with lust. Compare how you act around her now compared to then and see if you can spot it. Be confident, decisive, passionate about life, in control of the relationship, sexual and a MAN. Remember, foreplay starts at hello.

This big drop in sex drive is the beginning of the end, so be prepared for other aspects to start going downhill too if it doesn't impove soon. EEK is right that it may be time to just move on depending on how much future potential you see in this girl. Also note that even showing her that you are moving on has the potential to improve things; if you start being friendly with other women, more aloof with her and dedicating less time and attention to her she may well start chasing you again.

[babrad06]

Thanks for the help everyone, she is considering changing her BCP. Mostly because she gets migraines and apparently YAZ and migraines are a bad combo. Either way if she changes it, hopefully this may help the libido.

I took a look at the program and seems like it could be useful, Ill keep it in mind.