I have become a pussie.

[Yariome]

Ok, so I havn't been on here in forever so i'll give you the details. Me and my girl split up about a month or so ago, because she couldn't handle it anymore, said the I want to be your friend thing, and hopes we can get back together SOMEDAY, but not with the person I am. I didn't understand it of course, was hurt, pissed ect ect. To say the least when I looked over the last five years with my ex girlfriend, I discust myself in the person I became. I never used to be this way, used to be a very confident person, ect ect.

I realize my mistakes, but am having a hard time fixing them, and was hoping for some advise.

First problem, I became CLINGY, in the worst of ways, never realized it. I felt like I ALWAYS wanted to talk to her, and at times she said I was breathing down her neck, and yet I couldn't interpret that, it was me thinking she was just being a bitch, and of course I was wrong.

Second problem, and probably the biggest, I have become a pussie in every sense and form. I cried when she left me, I cried a few times when she was around after. What the fuck is that? Not even close to me, the real me.

When I first met her I was a confident man, not cocky in the slightest, but carried myself around feeling like if I tried hard enough, I could easily get any girl. I'm no sexy ass man, but I know I am attractive, I have gained weight but I am taking a MMA class (mixed martial arts) to get back into shape, and do what I love.

I KNOW she still loves me, and i'll explain why I believe that. We still hang out which is probably not for the best need time apart, but we enjoy each other a lot. When we do hang, we seem to have a really good time except when I give into my inner wussie and say something stupid. I can usually come back to make it mostly better, but should have never been done in the first place I acknowledge this. She still will hug me, and kiss me here and there, and I don't mean a peck. She still holds my hand ect, she says it's cause it's comforting ect, now I could be an idiot but to me that feels like she is saying she still loves me, but not the person I am.

I need help getting back to the way I am, I am taking every step I know how to i've read up a lot on the internet of ways to help get her back. But I want the touch of a real person's advise. I am getting back in shape and starting to get more confidence back, but I still feel the desire to always want to talk to her, and even more I think about her probably 24/7. I have for the MOST part been able to remove all contact unless it's something actually she would like, but I still at times catch myself randomly talking to her which I should not be right now.

Help me become my old self please.

[Yariome]

And I might ad, she still has sex with me, and when we do have it, I can tell she really enjoys it cause she can slightly feel the confidence growing in me again. I know things won't be fixed overnight, but I at least would like to know what I SHOULD do by overnight, and start to work on everything.

[Brandye]

I believe you are using a vulgate term for a key part of the female anatomy to describe a weakening of your character. You are so wrong for so many reasons.

[Yariome]

Fair enough.

[Rouge]

1. Stop all contact, including facebook and msn etc. You need to separate yourself from her. It's not necessarily that she's bad or anything, but just that you are too emotional to deal with being around her and getting over her at the same time. Stay out of contact for as long as it takes for you to be clear headed and over her.

2. She does NOT still love you. Hugs and kisses to girls can be a way of keeping someone on the backburner, and she is NOT helping you by continuing these things. If she loved you, she would let you recover without her making it harder for you.

3. Re-invent yourself after you've cut her out of your life. Take your time to cry and be depressed, then start to do new things and define yourself as a person separate from anyone else. Find out likes and dislikes and realize that it's about you. don't do it for her. It's over, don't hope for a chance that it isn't.

4. Let go. If it's really meant to be, it will happen come hell, high water, or a massive plague that kills 99% of the world. If it's not meant to be, dragging it out will make you more miserable and prolong your recovery. If it does end up happening, the changes you've made in yourself can only benefit. If it's not meant to happen, the changes you've made will help you to find the right person.

5. let me emphasize BREAK OFF ALL CONTACT. Tell her why you are doing this, and ask her to help you by agreeing to leave you alone. If she cares, she'll go along with it. If she doesn't genuinely care about your needs, she'll disregard you completely (which is a sign that she doesn't respect you). I don't care what comes out of her mouth, you're doing this for YOU and NOT for her. I have been through this process (I stayed single for a year, and only after two years made contact again when I was ready), and it's hard as hell, but it's worth every second that I spent hurting (6 months, to be exact), as I'm now with whom I was supposed to be with, in the most amazing relationship on earth.

6. DO NOT go right into someone else's arms. Stay single for at least a handful of months, as you need to define yourself apart from ANY OTHER person, not only her. Jumping into another relationship without this step will be unfair to your new partner.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Rouge is quite right!

You are being manipulated by her and yes, this means she is bad. Sorry, buddy, but she doesn't play fair, so she's out! Give up on such notions as "if it is meant to be" - pure piffle! When you find HER, you will know it by her actions! This girl here is assuading her ego with you until she can get another guy to replace you. After she does, you will never see her again and you should not want to.

This is the classic "hold him off while retaining your grip on him".

As far as you are now concerned, she no longer exists. What is more, you will no longer date one woman exclusively - period. The time to be exclusive is when you are afianced and NOT before then. Exclusivity is the one of the rights of marriage, not of dating.

By NOT being exclusive you prevent this tangled emotional scene where you become a toy.

Set about, beginning right now, building a satisfying independent life for yourself. Career, home, car, stock portfolio, and only then think about dating a whole slew of women simultaneously.

[Brandye]

Ok, I smacked you. Sorry. I do agree with Rouge and Evil. To continue your inappropriate opening, you have become a pussy because she has been a prick. So there!

Nothing has been accomplished by this except to make you feel very bad and sad and confused. Get space and accept the outcome.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually, Brandye, he deserved to be smacked since the correct term is WUSS or WIMP which is defined as "those who permit themselves to be used".

[nick2187]

Sounds like she is using you now