10-14-2009, 05:53 PM
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Wanting my sexual identity back!
Hello everyone,
Obviously this is my first time ever posting on this site, so please be gentle on me. I will try to make this short...probably not going to happen. So I have been married to a great man who is a great provider and loving father for 7 years. We never argue about money, our son, work, nothing...but our sex life sucks ass. I hate to admit it, but that part of our marriage is so bad. First off, my husband wants it ALL the time!! When I say all the time, I really mean it. He watches porn on his computer almost everyday, he is on websites, and he talks about it a lot. He is always feeling on me and telling me how attractive I am and that he loves my BIG BUTT. Sometimes this doesn't bother me, but other days I want to punch him in his face. I really don't understand how this man's sex drive could be so freakin high. Its almost a turn off. Me on the other hand, I can go without...PERIOD. Growing up, I was molested for a long time by a family member, but I feel comfortable enough to discuss it with anyone. I don't feel guilty about anything and I feel that I am over it. I don't masturbate because I feel goofy or silly to be doing it and I honestly feel that I am not in touch with my sexual side. I don't know how to get it together because I want to have GREAT sex. I am never horny and I know this sounds sad, but I really don't know what turns me on. I talk to all my friends and I am always jealous of them because all of them get it on the regular and enjoys sex. I always come home to argue about how I'm not putting out. So after this long story, do anyone have a solution or any suggestions on where I should start before I lose my mind completely? Thanks. AD8 
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10-14-2009, 06:05 PM
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1stly Why do you feel "GOOFY" masturbating?
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10-14-2009, 06:17 PM
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Honestly, I have a hard time being or feeling sexy. I'm not ugly or anything, but I don't know what turns me on to get horny enough to masturbate. I only masturbate when my husband mentions how much money he wasted buying me a Rabbit. I don't even remember the last time I masturbated..maybe a month and a half ago. Weird huh??
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10-14-2009, 06:41 PM
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Even weirder is another post of yours asking about a We-Vibe and weather it is worth you spending the money...
So you have a Rabbit Don't use it often... You want a We-Vibe.. But you want to know if it is worth the money it costs..... Don't know what turns you on..... You Don't masturbate because you cant get horney enough to do it.... Im confused..... have you had professional help regarding the molestation?
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10-14-2009, 06:51 PM
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Well as far as the We-vibe, my husband is trying to see if we could find something to use together. We are just looking around trying to find things to help us. Didn't mean to confuse anyone. But I have seen someone professional, but they all say the same thing, I need to find a way to find closure.
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10-14-2009, 07:04 PM
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Sometimes sex is the cause of marital problems; more often it is the symptom. You two need marital therapy. Neither of you sounds quite right.
__________________
Brandye Don't wear cheap bras!
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10-14-2009, 07:19 PM
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Honestly, I thought we were just a married couple on different sides of the sex spectrum. I never thought we were "not quite right" or weirdos. Thanks for the posts.
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10-14-2009, 07:37 PM
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I don't think anyone who has posted so far thinks you're weirdos. But I think the couples therapy is a good suggestion. You two are very definitely on different parts of the sexuality spectrum, but more than that, from what you say your husband seems to be rather insensitive to your past. He should not be pushing this hard for sex given what you went through. I think that's all that was meant.
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10-14-2009, 07:50 PM
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We have talked about this time and time again and he feels as if he is not pressuring me, but I believe he is. I also think that if he didn't want it so much I would come around. There are times when I think about it, but by the time I even want to figure out what I like, he has beat me to the punch and says something to make me feel like I'm a bad wife for not doing anything sexual right then. I hate to bash him like this, bc he really is a good guy, but this is the only problem we have. But I know I have a lot of searching to do bc I really want to experience a healthy and fun sexual life. I feel handicapped or something.
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10-14-2009, 08:24 PM
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So have you and your husband always been totally opposite in your
sexual appetite?????
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