Wanting my sexual identity back!

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by lnt1103

I, from what you say your husband seems to be rather insensitive to your past. He should not be pushing this hard for sex given what you went through. I think that's all that was meant.

As quoted below she seems to think she is over it....
So really we have no idea if he is being insensitive

Originally Posted by AlexandriaDaGr8

. Growing up, I was molested for a long time by a family member, but I feel comfortable enough to discuss it with anyone. I don't feel guilty about anything and I feel that I am over it. . AD8

[AlexandriaDaGr8]

No..it all started when I became pregnant in 2002. I couldn't stand the touch or anything of him. We both thought it would go back to normal once I had my son, but it didn't. I've been like this almost our whole marriage. But he stuck it out with me trying everything possible to help me. He has always told me that he only wants to be with me, and I really don't want to know if he has ever stepped out on me (even though he says he hasn't). I have suggested going to marriage counselors or a sex therapist, but he doesn't believe in those types of things. I have had my blood work checked and it all is normal. Every doctor I told about this just tells me I'm stressed. But I know many women who are just as stressed and are having great sex.

[lnt1103]

Doesn't matter if he doesn't think he's pressuring you. It's received by you as pressure, so it's pressure, and he's being insensitive to your feelings, and you need to make him understand that.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - first of all the molestation: YOU'RE NOT OVER IT. Depending upon what age you were first molested, you can be suffering from 'twisted sexual pathways' - which happens if molested between 4 to 7 years of age. The younger the girl, the more severe the psychlogical damage.

Let me explain. Research into feminine sexual dysfunction has shown that the connections between sexual organs and brain develop over time as a girl grows up. The final connection is made when she masturbates to orgasm the first time. Disruption in this development will stop her from being able to enjoy sex as an adult. Instead of being able to enjoy sex, she gets those "twisted sexual pathways" I mentioned earlier.

I know you said you 'saw someone' but frankly, you did not see the RIGHT someone.

This condition can be helped by seeing a sex therapist who specialises in Abuse and Female Sexual Dysfunction. I strongly encourage you to do so. This is NOT something you can get over on your own. Eventually this therapist will need to speak with both of you so keep your husband involved.

And may your abuser rot in Hell for betraying your trust, seriously harming you, and robbing you of your sexuality.

Secondly, your husband is also suffering. He only seems to want sex all of the time because he's not getting the level of sex and intimacy that he requires. Most men settle down into a happy level of sex with their adored spouses when a regular frequency has occured. They might not get as much as they would like but they're getting enough to be happy. You see his asking as pressure while he sees his asking as a cry for your help!

Even if you cannot enjoy sex fully, I do recommend you do what you can to help your husband out. Some intimacy and sex AND getting with the RIGHT therapist should help.

[AlexandriaDaGr8]

EvilEvilKitten and Int1103...thanks so much for the posts. I will look around in my local area for a sex therapist. I do agree that I need to give him some intimacy. I feel so bad that I treat him this way by neglecting him. I was molested at 4 and he didn't stop until I was 9. I feel he robbed me of my life, my sexual being and right now he is rotting in hell. He died 3 years ago. I always knew something was wrong with me mentally with sex, but I was in and out of denial, I didn't want to be mentally screwed up about this.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Good! Remember sex is not the problem. If someone hits you with a hammer, you don't stop using hammers do you? Of course not. Please don't make your abuser's problem, your problem. It is his fault and his alone.

It will be hard to overcome this but you CAN do it with the RIGHT sex therapist.
Bring your husband into the loop and you will have all the support you need.

Go for it!