New at anal - Enjoy it but I keep freezing up

[Catt]

Hi - hope I'm posting in the right place, I can't find this topic anywhere and since we're married I thought I'd ask other long-term couples...

My husband and I have been playing with anal lately. At first I was finding it a strange mix of being a bit uncomfortable yet pleasurable at the same time. So I lurked around here and read all the posts and advice to find out how we could make it better... and it's worked, I'm now really enjoying it and my husband is over the moon that we can add this to our menu!

The problem is that if I move at all, no matter how relaxed I am and how pleasurable I'm finding it, everything tenses and pushes him out. We've been doing it in a spooning position as that's most comfortable for me, and when I'm aroused there's no problem with his getting in there and thrusting nice and slowly... but then I get carried away and try to push back and it all goes to pot - I tense up and we have to go back to getting me relaxed again (not that I'm complaining!) before carrying on.

This is all well and good, and as much as I enjoy the sensation of lying still and feeling my husband, I want to be able to join in a bit more!

Any advice?

[Rouge]

As an experienced reciever, I'd say that you're still getting used to the relaxation involved. I'd take it very slow with moving yourself, and focus on staying relaxed as you move. Try having him stay still, then practise moving yourself on him while keeping yourself relaxed.

As far as pushing him out, a hard penis is very hard to push out of any hole without moving the body. He must be pulling back a little when he feels you tighten, or he may be soft, or perhaps you're moving and don't realize it. You're more likely to cut off his circulation than you are to push him out.

Try this: have him lay on his back while you control the penetration by lowering yourself onto his cock. Your whole body will be tensed as you are holding your body weight, and you'll be able to practise relaxation and test your movement capabilities.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The muscles involved are very strong and yes can push him out - after all that is what those muscles do - push out. A vibe applied to the clitoris or into the vagina can help relax you.

BTW - I do hope he's receiving as well as giving?

[Catt]

There is also a lot of lube involved lol, but maybe I am flinching away when it happens - either way it's annoying! I do think it's a mind thing, I try to concentrate on breathing but then get carried away and totally lose it!

I really want to be on top, but so far that's not happening as I can't get relaxed enough... eventually we switch to side or me on my front.

I think a vibe sounds good, we just got a new finger tingler
Also he just bought some Thai beads so we're going to experiment with those this weekend... fun fun fun, haha!!

So far he hasn't received any - he hasn't mentioned it yet, and I don't want to cut my nails off!! But you never know where these Thai beads will end up

Thanks for the advice x

[EvilEvilKitten]

Catt - no need to lose your claws, hun. Just get a vibe and use that! I do and it makes his orgams MUCH more intense!

There is info on how to do this to him, in the Index.

Most men get more pleasure out of anal if they receive than women do.

[wendybimum]

I don't have a problem accepting anal, guess I'm used to it now, and I love it as part of DP, but once I have my first orgasm I really go off it quickly. That's not really a problem if its just me and hubby, either he'll hurry and finish off or he'll pull out and go wash as I calm down.
As for hubby taking it? We've tried it and he says its just like he wants to go to the toilet.