reason doesn't make sense.

[Browser]

If your problem with him is that he won't have sex with you - and you won't have sex with him - it sounds like you're perpetuating the problem instead of trying to resolve it. Don't be petty, get marriage counseling.

[EvilEvilKitten]

dlb & Browser - you're missing the history.

He withheld from her for 4 months - and you guys were okay with that?

Now that she's having sex with him, when she wants it - you accuse her of withholding?!?!

She had to threaten him with finding a lover to GET him to have sex with her!

[dlb]

EvilEvilKitten,
2little never says that hubby began withholding sex from her and she never mentions 4 months. She said that she has begun withholding sex. The guy has a porn obsession. Married men who look at porn alone are similar to married men who use the services of prostitutes. they are compensating for something they are not getting from their wives.

They are currently having a communication problem. Read what 2little has written. She says "since then he has been wanting to fuck me everyday...I am not letting him of course..."
She complains that she is not getting any attention. He offers attention daily and she rejects him. They are incapable of communicating on their own and if they wish to salvage their marriage should seek professional help.

[lnt1103]

I beg to differ dlb. Go earlier in the thread:

Originally Posted by 2little

now i understand its just something men do. i know that. but when he doesn't want to have sex with you for four months because he is getting his 'need' else where i think that is a problem.

That's not compensating with porn because he's missing something from his wife. That's CHOOSING porn, to the EXCLUSION of doing anything with his wife.

[dlb]

They should seek professional help. None of us are qualified to advise in this situation. All comments here on this subject, while mostly from sensible people, are personal opinion. My personal opinion is that there is a communication problem and the husband is substituting porn for something that he is not getting with his wife.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Then he should be talking with his wife and not looking at pornography and in effect RUNNING AWAY from the problem. She is not letting him have sex every day/night - but now she's getting some. Why? Because SHE COMMUNICATED. Not nicely, no, but he did get the message.

[Rouge]

I wonder what his reaction would be if she watched porn WITH him.

[dlb]

Interesting point Rouge. The men I know who watch porn all say they wish their wives would watch with them. I have always suspected that there is something about their sexual needs or desires that they are unable to verbalize, but believe they can communicate through images produced and acted out by others. It seems odd to me, but I am just a casual observer of other people's quirks. I don't watch porn videos myself, not the mainstream junk. If I watch a rope movie it's with my wife and it's because we are admiring or looking for new twists (kinks?) in rope technique.

[EvilEvilKitten]

She already answered that one, Rouge & dlb. He DECLINED to do so.

"i have tried to watch the videos with him, but he doesn't want to. he will not watch them with me."

As regards counseling:

"i have suggested a marriage counsler but he doesn't think we need it."

Furthermore:

" i believe marriage is for life, i feel any problem a couple can work through. it just takes time. but any way i can think about how to fix it. just doesn't work for him."



Let us reivew what DID work:

" basically told him i wanted a divorce, if he couldn't give me the attention that i want and he is going to give it to other women that he doesn't know, i am going to find someone who will fuck me.

and since then he has been wanting to fuck me everyday...

i am not letting him ofcourse. because i don't want him to think that he can fix it all just like that. but i think he got the idea now."


In other words, being nice did NOT work so she slammed a brick upside his head to wake him up.

[dlb]

Withholding sex is never a good idea.