Why or what is the deal when it comes to sex outside of relationship?

[dobill67]

This question is for the female side of a relationship. Lets give an example. A couple has a fair to good sex life, but there are certain parts of the sex life are where things are not up to the needs of one of them. One of them goes somewhere else and gets that need taken care of the other gets mad or outraged about it. The one that gets outraged about it is not fullfilling the needs of the and they get their needs fulfilled elsewhere. What is the big deal ? They are not doing the things that the other is doing. Please respond with your comments or opinions .

[nuttychick]

ummmmm Quik question? Why on earth did you feel the need to leave all this space in your post?

Waste bandwidth?
be funny?
be immature?
try to act bigger then you are? (lol big post small penis syndrome?)
would really like to know why because I am curious

[dobill67]

was first post

[lnt1103]

First off, I'm going to take a guess that you're the male that just went outside your relationship because your gf isn't satisfying you, and she got pissed when she found out you went outside the relationship and you're so blind you don't get it.

I'm going to take a guess that she had to find out after the fact, possibly even from someone else, that it happened.

I'm also going to take a guess she feels blindsided, feeling like she didn't know there was an issue, or how big the issue is.

Assuming those three guesses are given:

Your first mistake was in not talking to her about what you need and want from her sexually. TALKING like adults, not PRESSURING her to relent right after you asked for something and she refused in the hopes of getting inside her pants within the next half hour. Communication is utmost in making a relationship work, and I mean communication about ALL facets of that relationship.

Your second mistake was in not talking to her beforehand about looking elsewhere for the sexual acts. Going outside the relationship is ONLY PERMISSIBLE when both parties know beforehand and approve of the arrangement.

She feels betrayed, and like she never had a chance to make it better before you made it worse.

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by dobill67

was first post

ah so you were all excited about your first post
Thanks for editing it lol

[Rouge]

There is NEVER and excuse. If you aren't satisfied and have TALKED TO HER, and nothing changed ofer a DECENT period of time, then you should have broken off the relatioship before going after someone else.

She obviously took this as an exclusive relationship.

[LustyLisa]

First of all, what is the status of the relationship, are you both supposed to be exclusive and commited? If so, going outside of your relationship for your own unmet needs is a violation against the relationship and the other partner has every right to be upset about it. Everyone has limits and boundaries and if your partners limits are too confining and not meeting your needs then that's a sign of incompatibilty and you both would be happier to just part ways and seek your statisfaction with another partner. If you are so unsatisfied about your needs that are not being met with this partner, do the responsible thing and end the relationship and move on and seek someone sho is more compatible with your needs and desires. If you choose to remain with your currant partner, you need to accept, respect and love them as they are unconditionally as they are.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Your 'unfulfilled needs' are more important to you that your relationship with her. That is your message.

and you're surprised that she got upset??!!?!?!?

You're lucky to be alive. Most women would have gone nuclear on you.

You made several MAJOR errors here:

1. You put yourself first.
2. You made her feel inadequate and unimportant.
3. You're blaming her for your transgression.

Think - how would you feel if she had done this to you?
Now then, the only way out is to G.A.G. = Grovel, Apologise, Grovel.

Later on, in a non-sexual enviroonment - TALK WITH her and discuss the issue. No more sneaking around behind her back.
BTW stop being cutesy and just say precisely what was done and by whom. If you cannot be adult about this then you have no need to be doing anything adult.

[dobill67]

This was a question only for my knowledge, and to recieve other peoples thoughts and replies and no I have not went out of the relationship for sex some where else. And Thank You for all of your comments and replies and please keep replying and commenting.

[salliann]

I would have to agree with much of what Kitten said. And you (or whoever) has to talk to their partner. We have sex outside of our marriage. We are swingers but mostly we have MFM's. Hubby can satisfy me but the idea of someone else touching and pleasing me is such a rush its unbelievable. Again, hubby can always satisfy me.

A few people have said sex with others, while your spouse is there, is like a great cocaine rush. I have never done drugs but multiple partners at once is something hard explained.

And for those of you that think me a slut... maybe. But why if a guy has a 3some with 2 girls is a stud and if I want two guys, I am a pig? Still the glass ceiling!

So sex outside the conventional marriage is ok. You two just have to be onboard with it.

Hope that helps a little,

Sal