Married and husband wants threesome with another male

[stylistkatie]

I've been married for a year and a half, and I am ridiculously in love with my husband. We're young and still strongheaded so we have had some heated arguments and personal issues where I have almost left him a couple times.

Despite the difficulties of our relationship, we are both sexually attracted to each other but I've gained 40 lbs since we wedded and am not feeling great naked. I am starting a new exercise regime and plan to stick with it to regain my confidence.

My problem is my husband has always fantasized about having a threesome with me and another guy. He's as straight as an arrow, but has always wanted to DP and see me with another guy. I admit I've always wanted to try it as well, but just brushed it off as a fantasy that will never happen. He's already actively looking for another man on the internet, and has found one he thinks I would like. He wants us to meet up in a week or two but now I'm starting to get cold feet. It all seems too fast and I wish I could slim down to feel more confident before we get into such a huge decision for our marriage. Any tips or advice for the concerned ménage à trois-ist?

[stylistkatie]

And I'm not concerned for my low self confidence right now, but actually what it will do to our relationship and if I'm even going to feel comfortable with another man.

[lnt1103]

Have you told him about your concerns? If not, you need to. You have GOT to be able to talk to him about things. And if you don't think you're ready for this yet, he needs to be understanding of that, back off for now, and do what he can to help.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ahem.... threesomes are wonderful - for those who understand that this is just PLAY and therefore nothing very serious.

Now then, women have body issues but I can tell you that the majority of men are much LESS concerned with your body than you are. For most men, female, same species, breathing is sufficient. Yes, that is a simplification but you get my drift. Quit worrying about your physique in this situation.

Because what's going on between your ears is far more important. Unless your mindset is "into" this, nothing's going to go well at all. First, sex does not equal love so forget about any emotional ties with this additional male beyond lust. Second, jealousy will kill both the threesome and your marriage if it rears its ugly head - so rid yourselves of any jealousy. Third, hunt together. This last is very easy especially if you contact and hang out with your local Swing/Lifestyle group. There are always 'pre-approved males' associated with such groups. They will be experienced and will know the rules of the game.

The operational sequence is for you and your husband to begin sexual play and then for the second man to join in gently where he can - this will usually be with additional caresses and will then move onto actual sexual acts.

If at any time you feel unhappy about anything - you can call the whole thing off. It is not necessary for you to justify your decision to stop, continue or whatever for in this area of life - the woman rules.

Let me know if you have any further questions.

[stylistkatie]

Thank you, that was really helpful.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're welcome.

[salliann]

Again Kitten gives good insite (damnit, I wanted to be first answering this one!)

TALK TALK TALK and not in bed. You two need to know this is JUST FUN and not serious. Sex is different from making love. ask anyone who has really done the latter!!

And remember to have rules. You two have to get that down BEFORE the play starts. Have a stop word that if one of you two say it, all play stops. We do and have used it before. Actually it was me that used it. Hubby would fuck anything that would stay still long enough! and that is not a bad thing, but I digress.

I am not a size 2, 6 or even a 10 by any stretch but I am getting healthier thanks. But its not about that. I am now very comfortable in my skin. Can you say COUGAR!?

Take it slow. if you are not ready, tell him. If he loves you and is thinking of you FIRST, he will wait. you both have to be ready.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Salliann

[LordVader66]

I am a man who also wants to watch his wife with another man and possibly join in. I think the idea is very hot and has been a fantasy of mine for a long time. My wife has also said on numerous occasions that she doesn't want anyone else. However she claims sometimes during sex that she keeps someone under the bed to play with while I'm at work. What I don't know is, should I feel her out a little more before putting the question to her? I think talking about it during our sessions might be a turn on in a really horny mood, but I don't think she would ever go so far as to let another guy sleep with her. We also know swingers and she says that she could never watch me with another woman, however does that mean that she couldn't be with another man. I know I know, I have to talk with her about it. I really want to feel out the situation first before really putting it out there. I would want to know if she is mildly, somewhat or extremely interested in being with someone else before I drop a bomb like that. Any suggestions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Invite a few of the swingers over for dinner. Seriously, keep it TALK ONLY. At this point you're wife's just "talking dirty" to you - she''s not really hiding men beneath the bed. BTW why not whisper back - "no need for him to stay under there - he can watch".

[Brandye]

... and do a search on threesomes. There are many insights on this practice that have been aired over the years. Whilst respecting the answers you have received, there are many comments that three are more exciting in expectation than in hindsight. This will affect your relationship. Perhaps, for the better. Perhaps, the end.