hmm, the thoughts we think...

[curious Al]

So, i've been thinking lately...

I've been with my GF for near to 4years now, im 23 so young, and shes my "first love." At times i get a bit worried, im wasting my youth, and not playing around like a load of older men say they regret they didnt. I love her to bits, yeah sure i guess i could see myself with her when im older, but do you think im holding on to my first relationship and not meeting different types of people. We've just gone on a short break to, im guessing, get a bit of a spark back. Not to see other people its to "get her independance back" because she says she feels like she relys on me to much?! But guess this has provoked the thoughts. Maybe im thinking about it coz im thinking we might break up and dont wana be sad?!? Or probably because i dont actually wana break up?!?

Ugh! So very unlike me to sound like the chessy guy from teen-romance lol

But anyways, I guess im asking for a bit of advice from the...more seasoned members of the forums :P Hopefully you wont consider this trivial immature problems.

[wet_suit_one]

You are enjoying your youth. Put a ring on her finger and call it a wrap. Forget about other women. All jade gates are essentially the same. Good enough is good enough.

That's my 2 cents.

[Brandye]

I never got married. Came close when I was about thirty. If the spark is not there at twenty-three, imagine what it will be at forty-three. If you accept "good enough" you will have the what-might-have-beens later.

[dancingdoc2]

Well, Al, you've been around these pages for over three years and I'm wondering why this question. The matter of dating has been written about many times on this site and is why there is an article on the benefits of open dating, listed in the Index, that was written.

Exclusivity vs. Dating Around, including replies by EEK and others

[EvilEvilKitten]

WARNING - harsh words follow

Wake up, buddy!!!

After 4 years you should KNOW if this lady of yours is SHE. Since you're still uncertain - she ISN'T and she KNOWS it.

She's preparing to move on. My advice is LET HER GO.

[wet_suit_one]

Now to go completely off topic, why isn't good enough good enough? Everyone settles Brandeye. After all, it's not like he's met (or can meet) all 3.5 billion females on this planet and be certain that she is "THE ONE." Sooner or later, everyone settles and "good enough" better darned well be good enough because how on earth can you ever know if she or he is the "the one." It is not possible or meaningful to think that way in my view. Settle down, accept what you've got and live life.

Why people can't just live with good enough in their relationships I don't understand. Myself, I want endless variety, so obviously, there's no point in me settling down. But most people claim not to want endless variety, therefore they must settle. The only settling I do is picking which city to seek variety in, that's it, that's all.

Anyways...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Settling isn't good because then you have that lingering uncertainty that will creep up on you later. This can lead to trouble.

The real point is when you meet the person who suits you entirely - there is no doubt, no uncertainty and no hesitation.

To paraphrase J. Paul Getty: "If you have to ask....she/he is not the one."

[lnt1103]

Methinks some B**** REALLY did a number on you, WSO.

NO ONE should EVER have to settle. I truly believe in my heart and soul that "The One" IS out there, for everyone.

There's a difference between 'settling' and 'settling down'. The former is ceasing to try to find The One before you've found him/her because you don't believe s/he is out there anywhere. The latter is ceasing to look because you know there's no more need to--you've already found him/her.

[mikkiji]

Problem is, until/unless you have been with other women, you can't really know if you're settling or not. I married my 'first', although I was not her first by a long shot. I loved her madly, partly because she rescued me from being a 21 year old virgin, partly because we'd been best friends for 5 years. and partly because we shared values, ideals, goals and interests. Our sexual spark varied from lukewarm to burning hot to fairly cool almost right from the beginning. but we enjoyed one another in every way--physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.

Over the years, I DID sometimes conclude that I'd missed something. During a rough cold patch after 20 years of marriage, I went and had an affair. That infidelity at least cured me of those regrets, not that that was the main reason for it. After that, I never really cared much about what I might have missed in my youth. After she died, I figured that I might as well take the opportunity to finally grab my lost adolescence and sleep with a bunch of girls. It didn't work out quite that way--I had one girlfriend for about 6 months, and although we set the bed on fire, I know I did not love her and so broke it off. That surprised me. I immediately accepted a blind date with another woman, it was love at first sight, we were married less than a year after we met, and I guess now my grand total of 4 women in 36 years will have to stand! No chance to sow any wild oats...
Michael

[Rouge]

Think of it this way:

Picture your life without her.

Now imagine that once you aren't with her, you get absolutely no other chicks, or you get a few who don't last, or aren't anything close to her.

If you can live with that, and think long and hard about it, then you'll know if you should end it or not.