09-07-2009, 05:51 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
How to start the spark again
I am in a long term relationship with a girl, and we now face the classical problem. The first 6 months or so we were all over each other, couldn't get enough sex, etc etc. And now, nearly 3 years in, we hardly ever make love, she is very rarely in the mood, and I have a lot of stresses in my career at the moment which is leaving me tired at the moment. We have disucssed it a little bit, and obviously both know things seem a bit downhill at the moment.
I am wondering what is the best way to try to get the spark going again? Spring a big romantic surprise? Discuss it again and come up with a solution together? Have a break from each other? Whatever else is a better idea? Anyone who has been through this and overcome it would be great. 
|
| Sponsored Links |
|
|
09-07-2009, 09:31 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I would NOT suggest a break from each other. The issues, whatever they are, will still be here when you get back. IF you even come back.
By nearly 3 years in, I would hope your communication isn't suffering, and given that you said you've discussed it, I would guess not. Sounds like the honeymoon is just over, for one thing. First 6 months or so, life is a bed of roses because you're excited to be around each other--everything is new, different, exploration, etc. Now you're used to each other. T and I have been together, a month shy of 2 years. One of our favorite dates early on was a meal and a movie--usually lunch and a matinee on a week day. He had Thursdays off and I had a ton of vacation to use up. We got the theater mostly to ourselves if not totally, we could cuddle in close, play a little in a public-but-not-really-public-because-its-empty spot....it was great. But we hadn't done a movie out in a long time, so one night not long ago, he scored a gift card to a nice restaurant as a thank you from a client, and informed me during dinner that night, that he thought we'd do a movie too since it had been so long. I said great, do we know where there's a movie we want to see? Without my knowing, he had done his homework--he already knew which movie (a recommendation from my mother a couple wees before), and what time it was playing at two different locations just in case. He had even planned the dinner reservation a little early to be sure we'd have time for the movie. Little did he know it would start to rain cats and dogs while we were in the theater and we'd get drenched on the way to the car and have to wait the storm out in the parking lot before going home, but that just adds to the memories. My point is, revisiting the oldies-but-goodies is a great way to rekindle things. And she will be impressed and touched that you put the extra thought into it. Last edited by lnt1103; 09-07-2009 at 09:36 AM..
|
|
09-07-2009, 02:10 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
My husband and I went through this. We have been married nearly 3 years. In the beginning of our relationship we were very spontaenous and were very active together. Then things happened and life got in the way. He has been deployed since March and let me tell you. We are closer than ever before and when he gets home we will be making up for loss time in more ways than one..Maybe a break is ok but not a total break,
|
|
09-08-2009, 11:26 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
3 years? LOL You two have got to make the time to relax and enjoy eachother - even if "just because".
Do The Program. It works. Oh, yes, well if we're getting biographical, married to the same man for 32 years and still hotter than hell!
|
|
09-11-2009, 06:01 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Im in exactly the same position. I was feeling "settled down" when im still young.
She suggested we go on a bit of a break but "not see other people." I wanted this but now its happened - only a week - i feel a bit down(tiny violin:P) Maybe its a good thing?! Who knows! But at the moment im thinking not so much. Consider my position and see how youll feel 
|
|
09-11-2009, 06:44 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Spark? Doesn't that require electricity? I suggest a 9 volt battery, some clips, lights out and sparks. Easy enough isn't it?
What's the problem?
|
|
10-29-2009, 05:59 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Been a while since I was here, but I guess time for a small update. I don't think shes putting much effort in, or any at all really. It probably won't last too much longer. She keeps telling me she loves me and wants to be with me, but her actions say otherwise. A couple of weeks ago she REALLY p!ssed me off. It was my birthday, and she was over the previous night anyway, when I woke up she wasn't in bed. She pretty much spent the entire day outside messing around on her laptop not spending any time with me, didn't buy me anything, didn't even wish me happy birthday. God I wouldn't even do that to someone I hated. I know its generalising, but I'm really losing any respect I had for women lately.
|
|
10-29-2009, 01:36 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Then stop talking to us and get rid of her already, arutha. Jeez!
|
|
11-07-2009, 05:25 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
First and for most: figure out if you really want this marriage? Is the person you married the one you want to grow old and grey with? Has the person you married and the one living in your house changed so much so you cant stand it deep inside you? In most marriages the person you marry isn't the person you though they where when you got married or you already know about there flaws and accepted them anyway, if that's the case quit whining. If you want to keep your marriage listen up. Communication, Communication, Communication! If you cant communicate with each other your never going to know what pisses you off and makes you happy. Talk, write letters, text, IM do what ever it takes to share info and be comfortable. My wife is a note writer. I like to talk. We have recently discovered the power of IMing each other. I know it sounds wired, in the same house 1 room apart chating but it works. Hell, Iv had to travel away from home a couple of times for legal stuff and we've even had chat sex. It was awesome. Tell her you love her. Tell her she looks nice. Tell her she has nice perfume. If you don't like her perfume tell her what about it you don't like and what perfume you do like. Maybe she would like it too and switch. YES BE MUSHY! Its very reassuring to know that your with someone that accepts you for who you are in your home. By her flowers. They don't have to be roses. My wife like roses but because of one of our experiences when we started dating she actually likes Daisy's better. By her a gift that's for her. Not just some candy and a flower. My wife likes Ferrero Rocher. It has to be something for her. Just because YOU bought it with the intentions of giving it to her doesn't mean its FOR her. YES BE MUSHY! Why do this? Because after you reach a level of comfort with each other then your sex life can really open up. With the exception that we cant just do it any where in the house because of the kids we actually have a more fulfilling sex life now than when we got married. Alot of woman like candles and bath stuff. Buy her something SHE likes and you cant go wrong. One time, my wife was working 2nd shift, I placed candles starting by the back door and ever couple of feet thru the living room and up the steps to the bed room. Had a bunch of candles in there and flower pedals. Really really MUSHY stuff. Had some of the best sex we had in a wile. Marriage doesn't have an autopilot so it WILL take some work. You WILL fight with your souse. You WILL say sh*t to each other you WILL regret. But you WILL always be able to say sorry, give her a hug tell her how much she means to you. Hope this helps/give you some ides. ClosetFreak~
|
|
11-07-2009, 10:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Stop blaming ALL women - this is THIS woman - we're not all like her.
|
 |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
|
|
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:48 PM.
