Am I being possessive/jealous?

[curious Al]

Well, no i havent got it...

I really doubt you can sum up jealousy in those 3 points. Im "secure" and know my self worth, does this mean i'll never be jealous?

He said he hasnt tried to stop her from seeing any other friends, only an ex boyfriend. Asking and getting something doesnt mean your controlling. Im pretty sure more is required to call it a controlling relationship.

Obviously, these opinions are decided through the way people have been brought up, what they believe is right or wrong. I feel that her behaviour isnt particularly right. Doesnt mean im wrong, or that i believe in controlling a relationship.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh so you think she should drop her friends because he's uncomfy with them?
Then when he turns out not to be the one for her and he's gone out of her life, do you think she'll get those friends back? NOPE! I can imagine the conversation.

"I'm sorry."
"You dump me because that a-hole told you to, what are you a doormat? And now you think 'sorry' is going to make it all better? What are you that you think a 'sorry' makes up for being treated with such disrespect? I don't think so. Goodbye."

A boyfriend has no right to tell her how to live her life, who she may have as friends, what she can do with her free time (and vice versa).

Would you drop your friends just because your current guy/gal told you to? Maybe you would. I wouldn't. I'd drop any guy who asked me to do that in a heartbeat - because if he's that weak, I don't want him.

Men compete for women and any calls to you to remove other men from the field means he doubts his ability to win you on his own merits so he's seeking an unfair advantage and having you do the dirty work. In this case, this guy doesn't trust her ex. He may be right.

But what he may not realise is that he's also saying he doesn't trust his girlfriend either. That will kill this relationship. No trust = No love.

[curious Al]

I dont think you've read his post properly, he said, he HASNT tried to stop her talking to other firends ONLY her ex-boyfriend. Or rather that he doesnt like her talking to an EX BOYFRIEND, not her friends. He even specifically says he doesnt try to do so with other firends.

"Men compete for women" - asking her not to see an ex gives because it gives an unfair advantage... I think thats ridiculous, why would you WANT to give a fair advantage for someone else to come and take your girlfriend away. I wouldnt. Doesnt mean im trying to control her life, who she speaks to or how she lives OR doubting my ability. And in anycase, if you partner is prepared to give other people a fair chance i think this should be made clear from the begining!

Yes, no trust=no love, i agree completly with this. But it swings in round abouts: people say communication is key, but when you communicate, you dont trust the other!!??!! The tangled webs we weave!

I think it all boils down to whether can you get over her seeing her ex-friend, if you cant, then i suggest you move on. You'll find yourself forever doubting her, ruining the trust you have, and become this person EvilKitty is assuming you already are.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I read it properly. The ex boyfriend is now a friend and how many times have you guys said "once you're in the friend zone you don't get laid'? So what is he bitching about - nothing. It remains HIS problem, not hers.

Because men who are men want to win her in a fair fight. If she knows he only won because she crippled his opposition how does that make her feel about him? Instead of being her hero, he becomes her child.

She's hoping he'll grow up. Whether he knows it or not, she's becoming bored with his "I don't like it" whining. She will move on soon enough. Then his probem will solve itself.

The EvilKitty's husband goes off to see his ex-girlfriends from high school. He tells me he's going to go have lunch with so-and-so and I try hard to recall who that is and tell him to have a good time and to drive safely.

Finally the ONLY thing that really matters in ANY relationship is what is going on between you and your partner. No one else matters. Stop worrying and wasting your efforts. FOCUS upon your partner and all will be well.

[curious Al]

I will graciously accept defeat EvilKitty.
Your points are just and quite valid

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please bear in mind that the same caveats against jealousy apply to women as well as to men.

[KissMeHard]

I am assuming that you feel threatened because of the fact that he is their ex. It amazes me when people can't think that a man and woman can't have a friendship together, even after they have been together. Just because he is her ex doesn't mean that they still can't be close friends, especially after 2 years. If they are not together than it means that she realizes that they aren't compatible. If you don't trust her than go your separate way. Otherwise she will take your possessiveness for controlling and run.