Why Is He Doing This To Me?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Miss Carmen, this man is an ABUSER. Rid yourself of him NOW.

To answer you'e question why does he do this? He does this for two reason: 1. HE's insecure- a real wimp; and 2. YOU LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT.

If you do NOT like how he's treating you - LEAVE THE LOUT.
No, you do NOT owe him an explanation, a reason, whatever. He is NOT your spouse, he's merely some guy you picked up off the street and should have left there - everyone makes a mistake. You have a child now and can no longer afford having such men in your life. BECOME A TIGRESS and SHOW your daughter how a woman should live.

Do not call, text, or anything else. For you he no longer even exists.

[wet_suit_one]

Have a read of this article:

Warning Signs That You're Dating a Loser

If things line up, dump him. It's just that simple. You will find new friends and you will get some (if you're a woman, heck, go the club and just say yes. Get on Plenty of Fish and just say yes. For men, not so easy, but there are other ways...).

Do yourself a favour and take the advice of someone on this board.

All the best.

[LustyLisa]

Originally Posted by MissCarmen

Well I did not call him right away and when I told him why he started accusing me of spending time with a dude. He says my sick grandmother has nothing to do with this. We have been having issues and because of it he does not trust me at all and like the night before everything was fine, he was telling me how he admires me for taking care of my grandma and going to spend time with her. Then it was like wow, all of this because I did not call you right away. He said I could call him during the "break" but I do not think I will, I need to get my mind right.

I'm so afraid that you don't recogize what's going on. Abused, battered and/or controlled women are so ready and quick with the excuses and taking on the blame for the controller/abuser's crimes. Why make excuses for him, is he not an adult who should be responsible for his own actions? What are issues that keep him from trusting you? What have you done to make this guy's lack of trust in you your fault? Probubly nothing, but I'm sure you'll find some reason why his distrust and lack of respect for your is your fault! If he can't trust you, whether it's your own doing or not, he's always going to be accusatory and controlling. And, the more you allow and excuse his behavior away the more stomped and trampled on you'll become.
A true companion and partner would support you, comfort you and thru combined efforts help tackle the hardships and burdens in life that we all face. From what I'm reading he's adding to your daily burdens and you feel like the one at fault. Please do more than "think" about not calling him during this break. You have allot going on and he is one less burden for you to deal with.

[Rouge]

Everyone's covered this quite well. All I can add is this: Yes, it will be hard to find a nice, loving guy. Keep in mind where you look for guys (if you look in a bar, you'll likely find problems), and that for every great guy there's 6 assholes. Persevere and don't take less than you deserve, and soon what you really ned will come along; a caring, compassionate guy.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Care and compassion comes from men who are SECURE in themselves and therefore have no need to abuse/control others. And, contrary to popular opinion, you can find them everywhere.

Look for the men who do not need you but do want you not because you're female but because you are you.

This means, no more 'courting behavior' and no more 'games' on your part. You are who you are and that is that. If you flirt, do it mildly in an offhand manner or so over the top (while grinning) that he knows you're not serious. Dress as you wish not as you think you should - no more 'dressing the part'. If you want to wear jeans and ratty sneakers - go for it. Don't apologise for your awful hair. Don't apologise at all. No more jokes at your own expense, no catty comments, no complaints of any kind.

You're stepping up to a new category.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by LustyLisa

I'm so afraid that you don't recogize what's going on. Abused, battered and/or controlled women are so ready and quick with the excuses and taking on the blame for the controller/abuser's crimes. Why make excuses for him, is he not an adult who should be responsible for his own actions? What are issues that keep him from trusting you? What have you done to make this guy's lack of trust in you your fault? Probubly nothing, but I'm sure you'll find some reason why his distrust and lack of respect for your is your fault! If he can't trust you, whether it's your own doing or not, he's always going to be accusatory and controlling. And, the more you allow and excuse his behavior away the more stomped and trampled on you'll become.
A true companion and partner would support you, comfort you and thru combined efforts help tackle the hardships and burdens in life that we all face. From what I'm reading he's adding to your daily burdens and you feel like the one at fault. Please do more than "think" about not calling him during this break. You have allot going on and he is one less burden for you to deal with.

HE has been cheating on me throughout our relationship, I just found out recently and he found out I cheated on him with a man once.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Care and compassion comes from men who are SECURE in themselves and therefore have no need to abuse/control others. And, contrary to popular opinion, you can find them everywhere.

Look for the men who do not need you but do want you not because you're female but because you are you.

This means, no more 'courting behavior' and no more 'games' on your part. You are who you are and that is that. If you flirt, do it mildly in an offhand manner or so over the top (while grinning) that he knows you're not serious. Dress as you wish not as you think you should - no more 'dressing the part'. If you want to wear jeans and ratty sneakers - go for it. Don't apologise for your awful hair. Don't apologise at all. No more jokes at your own expense, no catty comments, no complaints of any kind.

You're stepping up to a new category.

Thanks you, you all are too kind.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by wet_suit_one

Have a read of this article:

Warning Signs That You're Dating a Loser

If things line up, dump him. It's just that simple. You will find new friends and you will get some (if you're a woman, heck, go the club and just say yes. Get on Plenty of Fish and just say yes. For men, not so easy, but there are other ways...).

Do yourself a favour and take the advice of someone on this board.

All the best.

He has a lot of those qualities. He thinks he is so great because he is very educated, great career, no kids, and he says he can get him a good woman better than me without kids and has it going on very fast.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Miss Carmen then I strongly encourage you to tell him "Run along and do that then."


BTW if you two aren't married, then it ain't cheating - besides which who's HE to complain?!?! He's the idiot who has to use people to feel 'the big man' - what a WIMP!

Sayanara, Baby!!!

[lnt1103]

I absolutely agree. Anyone who would actually SAY TO YOUR FACE that they can get someone better without any effort, GO FOR IT BUDDY. Good riddance. Don't let the door hit you in the @$$ on your way out of my life. In fact, here's 5 bucks, buy her a drink on me. With you around, she's gonna need it.