Sharing fantasy with long-term partner

[BDM]

Delete thread please. No longer required

[lnt1103]

Well there you go. Your last sentence is your answer. She said you didn't have to answer the fantasy question, so she feels like, neither does she.

T and I have been together, coming up on two years (sorry, I need a moment here, wow). You know how many months it took him to get me to articulate fantasies to him? And he still won't tell me any--he says he doesn't really have them.

I was afraid I would sound foolish. Or say something to which he would respond 'wtf???? that's too (insert adjective here) for me'. I can't tell you the number of times during these conversations he had to say to me 'if not me, who can you tell? I'm the one you SHOULD be able to tell.'

But don't get mad about it, and don't get OVERLY pushy about it. Keep it in a spirit of 'I want to fulfill your fantasies for you. How can I if I don't know what they are?'

[Brandye]

We all have fantasies - sexual and otherwise. There are some we share and some we do not share. And, when pushed, we make up something just to answer the question. When it comes to sex, we all lie. Maybe you need that skill.

[BDM]

Delete thread please. No longer required

[EvilEvilKitten]

STOP IT! Yes, you can control your emotions. You're not a child. YOUR emotions= YOUR responsilbity. SHE is NOT to blame and SHE is NOT responsible for your emotions. "Man up".

Now then - stop thinking about yourself and ask WHY did she do that? What is her point of view? Instead of being all pissed off, you should be investigating. A signal should have gone off in your brain "Ahah! An opportunity to find out a bit more about this wonderful lady and that secret heart she has inside!"


You men are constantly going on about how complicated women are and yet, here you are being all idiotic when given a chance to find something interesting out about this particular woman.

And you were going to pass this chance up????

[BDM]

Delete thread please. No longer required

[EvilEvilKitten]

Don't you talk about past events and what they mean to her? "How do you feel about this?" and so on?
Jeez! She's your girlfriend. Piece it together!

[BDM]

I'm trying to. Shes very closed minded sometimes. Even when we're alone in a room she will never say the words "sex" out loud. Shes even too closed minded to openly tell me when its her time of the month. She just tells me "no".

[lnt1103]

OK, first of all, if you're assuming that her time of the month is the only reason she gets to say no, or the only reason she does so, I'm gonna borrow EEK's cyberbrick and smack you with it.

She asked you a very personal question, you chose to answer it, she chose not to answer in kind. So? Since when did anyone ever have to answer any question in the world simply because it was asked? There's no law against not answering a question unless you're under oath in a court of law and the judge demands you do so. Get over it and yourself.

And by the way, the degree to which you're being judgmental about this could very well indicate the reason she's not answering the question. My guess is that's a trait you carry into other topics as well. It's worrisome enough to think 'oh god how will s/he react to this?' when it's a fairly benign topic and they're the most understanding person in the world.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes it does seem that way to me too, Int. She could very well feel the need to preserve herself for fear of judgment.

Have you been holding her responsible for your feelings? "You make me so mad!" and so forth? You did refer to her as being 'close-minded', not saying the word sex and not being entirely open about her period.

Which my indicate a need for privacy or could indicate some discomfort with the topic but does not necessarily mean she's 'close-minded' so much as she does not wish to discuss it.

You are no doubt aware that she's thinking about this fantasy of yours. Women always do subject anything they hear to intense analysis. Whether or not she ever gets around to teling you the outcome of her analysis is another matter.

You can ask - once, but you cannot demand.