Divorcing / met new woman / no sex drive :(

[singledaddd2]

Long marriage, 16 years and i was completely in to her. She was my princess and I never even thought of cheating on her. Found out about an affair in Jan, and decided to work on things. Found out about an ongoing two year affair in May and said enough. Divorce papers.

Pretty strong sex drive in me. We had sex two-three times a week, but I always wanted more. Couldn't keep my hands off her. Since divorce put in motion four months ago my sex drive has been slim to none.

Met a woman few weeks ago and she's a hottie. We talk/text a lot and hang out with group of friends, all of whom have been divorced. It's been great therapy for me to talk with friends, explore my feelings, my pain of divorce, etc.

Me and the hottie have talked about our attraction for each other, and that I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Just doesn't seem like the right time. Told the hottie not to wait around for me, cause I don't want her to put life on hold. We continue to talk and hang out and had dinner other day. Our emotional connection is great.

Here's the question(s): I really feel a strong connection with her, but I don't want her to be the "rebound" relationship. I think there is potential for much more with her. Feel like I need to date around for a while (when I'm ready) before starting something with her. Her friend (woman) tells me to go out and sow my wild oats for a while. Wife was my first and only partner.

Hottie understands this and we've been very open with each other (that's one of the very attractive things about her...we can TALK!)

So when will my sex drive return? When the divorce is final? Is this a good plan? Hottie continues to date and is very open about her sexuality, partners, etc. Pretty much tells me everything. I got no problem with that.

Need a little help here people...

[headhead]

You call yourself single dad, but nothing about the kids. That always makes it more complicated.

I figure your sex drive will return when you put your marital troubles behind. Having a final divorce should help. As a practical matter, it seems like many women are reluctant to get involved with a separated man. Doesn't seem to bother your girlfriend, though; my guess is she's looking to marry again quickly.

All in all it doesn't seem like you have difficulty meeting potential mates. Don't push it. You have all the time you need.

[lnt1103]

You're only four months into divorce proceedings, which lets face it, could very possibly get worse before it gets better. You're hurting, in ways you probably don't even know of yet, from both what you're currently going through, and the heartache that led up to it. This thing with Hottie being rebound is certainly something you need to be aware of.

Give yourself time. You'll know when you're ready.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You need to rethink your position. You adored your soon-to-be-ex-wife and desired her and presumably enjoyed her 2 to 3 times per week after being with her for 16 years, right? So - why was she looking elsewhere? Just for fun? Just for strange? To confirm to herself that she still 'has it'? I am not blaming you, just asking for a reason.

The reason being is that your approach to this hottie was so metro-sexual that she basicly patted you on your head and sent you off to go play outside with the rest of the children. Rebound, smebound...get real, get up on your back legs, go forth, and crawl into some woman's bed for wild rampant sex for as long as the lady wants to keep you around. Using condoms, of course.

Why? Because women want men not lapdogs or little boys dressed up in man-suits. The real, exasperating, cute, pesky, teasing, pain in the ass man. Unfortunately, in long term relationships, some of that essential testosterone laden "here Kitty, Kitty, look what I have for you!" teasing while standing just out of reach wears off and she ends thinking "beige, I'll paint the ceiling beige'.

You need to get that essence back, buddy!

So put a bit of wicked back into your life and go for it.

[HardNgood]

Get out there and give the "hottie" a proper shagging dude! Let the little head think for the big head this time!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Divorce generally runs people over the coals - not so much the soon-to-be-ex, but the blighted hopes and dreams and why you married in the first place - that is what hurts.

So step one to rehabilitate is to restore one's idea that one remains desirable.