when the woman's libido is much higher than his, in a long-term relationship?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Hazel - dear, Hazel - whereever did you get the idea that it is difficult for a woman - any woman, to find a man for sex???

It is supremely easy!

Getting rid of them afterwards is difficult.

You have got to discuss this fear of your relationship "just being sexual" with him. If he knows you at all, he should know better than that - so what is his issue with sex??

Doesn't he realise that women are NOT llike men in that regard? Very few of us can "f--k 'em and forget 'em" - besides which, he's been with you long enough to know better.

There's more to this than he has told you.

[lnt1103]

I would agree with EEK. After 9 years, he's afraid the relationship will get only-sexual????? C'mon.

[hazel]

Thanks for the replies!

I talked to him and made it clear I can't continue this way. I think he realizes what he might lose -- he's now initiating things confidently. Clearly, he can do it. It seems like he was just losing sight of what was important in his life.

[EvilEvilKitten]

No he wasn't losing sight, Hazel, he was fearful that all you wanted him for was sex and that you didn't give a damn about him - the guy inside.

Seems you both have to work on your communication skills.

[hazel]

EEK - While I do sincerely appreciate your insight, you will have to take my word for it that I know him better than you do. I don't believe by confronting him, I erased his fear. I made him address it and I did my best to assuage it, but I am not naive enough to think I magically erased it 100% forever. It's just one of several things that we discovered which we'll have to work on. The important thing is that he's trying harder (and I'm trying to improve my end of things, as well)

I don't agree with the "communication skills" being the main problem. A person can communicate things articulately a dozen different ways, but if the other person is not ready, all the talking in the world won't make a difference. And to be fair, what person doesn't sometimes have some fears concerning their relationship? It's human nature.


Perhaps this might help explain a bit: He spent his youth as a very successful ladies' man, never wanting an emotional relationship. He realizes how easy it is to get sex-only (even if the woman might've been hoping for more). Perhaps because he was so good at getting others to give him sex, he deep down fears now that he's let himself get emotionally attached to someone, he might instead be the one used for sex. I was his first real love ever, and frankly the only female he stayed with for more than a few weeks.

Although he was good at having "game", I was just as good (maybe better?), and he knows it. He feared I had the potential to, as you say, "f--k 'em and forget 'em". However, I never had the intention with him, but the ladies' man had met his match... and then he wasn't sure what to do.

He probably should've addressed his fear a long time ago. And I have a few fears of my own I should've addressed sooner, as well, which I am only doing now. But nobody's perfect, and I can't change the past. All I can hope for is that we'll both do our best.


On to something new: He's me sex-toy shopping whenever I'd like to go, and I can pick out anything I want. Now the real question is what to buy! <evil grin>

[EvilEvilKitten]

What to buy? - get some edible body oil and do The Program or even, perhaps, try a little something from www.wickedwomangroup.us. Because the best toys for hetero women in the world are MEN.

*an even more evil grin*

[maupassant]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

What to buy? - get some edible body oil and do The Program or even, perhaps, try a little something from container. Because the best toys for hetero women in the world are MEN.

*an even more evil grin*

We blokes do not stand a chance - thank goodness.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, mau, and that's a good thing.