08-06-2009, 01:57 PM
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we now watch the same show usually his shows lol.
and about the house work not he dosnt do anything but i did find out he was helping with her yard work at her house ( i even do our yard work and house work) i am trying to not be so insurce on it but i just cant seem to help. like today he had a excusse to stop by there on for a few min but he did. the fotre play does last a long time but i just feel bad becouse he cant cum . he is seeing a therapist, and we can only aford child care for 1 day a week and then i found out he went over their ( she does had kids of her own and their there but i still have that same old feeling. thanks for all your help 
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08-06-2009, 04:34 PM
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How debilitating is his back injury? Can he do any household tasks or chores?
Has he explored doing other work, either from home like telecommuting? Can he be retrained for another type of work? As I stated, I was one of these guys who once upon a time did not do any housework or yardwork even though we both worked. So, here we have a husband, who essentially has his entire day free while your granddaughter is in school, yet does nothing. I am wondering why you are not the one depressed. I changed my ways after hearing a voice from upon high, so to speak. The message was that if I wanted to continue living "here", I better start contributing to the daily upkeep and maintenance and budget and.... What is your hubby doing with his life, and why are you not requesting more? He should be cleaning house, doing laundry, washing windows, grocery shopping, preparing meals, doing dishes, or sharing in these duties. If yard work is not possible for him to do, then help or get a neighbor boy to help. The house should be if not clean, at least tidy. Why should you have to work long hours, go home, and do more work?
__________________
Life without dancing? I don't think so...... The feet may learn the steps; yet only the spirit can dance! Dancing is the fastest way to get a girl alone and into your arms in public. The Tango smolders and burns. It ignites the heart, the soul, and yes, the libido. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to Dance in the Rain! Dance as if nobody is watching.
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08-06-2009, 07:36 PM
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But screaming at him, sneaking around behind him finding things out and so forth - doesn't cut it.
There is a way to make your wants known without making you look like a fishwife/jealous loser. Say it once and mean it - "Your life is here with me. This is what I want you to do." then state what he is now responsible for taking care of. Then leave it to him. Do ntot follow along behind him saying "you didn't do it right" etc. - let him get on with it. If he asks you to show him how it is done, show him - once. He is an adult, treat him as an adult who happens to be slacking at the moment and has some issues he needs to take care of. YOU stop being making him feel like you're a prison warden.
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08-07-2009, 04:20 AM
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My partner and I haven't been together for nearly as long as you have, but I found a much milder version of your situation. For about a month I was completely insecure. I thought he was going to cheat on me when he visited family a few provinces over, as there were a few women there who still were trying to steal him away (completely ridiculous). I started questioning him, being cold to him, and letting all my insecurities through. What I didn't realize is that it was making him unhappy because I didn't TRUST him.
Through this time he was going through some pretty large financial isues (his pay wasn't coming in properly, major car repairs, loose ends to tie up from moving in with me, etc), so he was already stressed (in your situation I'm guessing that this would count as his back issue). He was falling into a mini-depression, and I was making it worse by not being there really to support him and help him; I was becoming a new issue for him to deal with. Our sex life suffered a little for it, as he stopped being ale to cum for about a week (our sex life is pretty voracious, so this was an issue to me). I lashed out at him, as this only entertained my insecurities. What I didn't realize was that I was a large part of why. WE had a talk about it, and I finally understood what I was doing. I stopped with the insecurities and focused on my foremost role in the relationship: his support system. Once I stopped being an issue and he didn't feel alone, for the most part thins went back to normal. The point: He needs to feel like you support him amidst the troubles he's having, and that you love him. Lay off the inquisition; if you find out later that he's cheating, you can deal with it then. By saying all these things about the other woman, you're also putting thoughts about her into his head. Be the wife nd support him. Don't be the harpy.
__________________
Numbing your bum before anal is like putting makeup on skin cancer.
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08-07-2009, 08:21 AM
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I have been married to the same man for more than 30 years. During that time we have, of course, gone through many things that might have wrecked other marriages but ya know, focusing upon what is truly IMPORTANT between us and being stubborn about staying married - he's not getting away THAT easily! - will see most couples through the tough times.
The definition of commitment.
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08-07-2009, 04:25 PM
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his back problem is he has 2 disk gone and 2 more going. he can never work again.
he used to do Some of the cleaning but not anymore. I do most of it. thats why it pissed me off when i found out he was helping her with the yard work - hell if you can do ours why can you do hers. he still does go over there with some very dumb excesses. i am trying not to be jelous but some times i cant help it - exspecialy when he talks about her and so does our g. daughter. i have NEVER said a bad thing about him not working - its not like he cant he cant help it im starting to feel depressed about it all, i try not to think about it but it happeneds. i dont eat and cant sleep much any more.
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08-07-2009, 06:04 PM
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My mother has a similar condition and is unable to lift even a 2L bottle of pop. Where did you hear that he was doing her yard work?
__________________
Numbing your bum before anal is like putting makeup on skin cancer.
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08-07-2009, 07:09 PM
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Why is his back going? What did he do to himself?
Last edited by EvilEvilKitten; 08-09-2009 at 08:11 PM..
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08-09-2009, 12:30 PM
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i hears it from her and he comfirmed it--the yard work__- the yard work was trimming her bushes( i asked him for a month to do also our screens witch is not done) helped trim a tree hers
he cant hift over 10lbs hyrt his back on the job and blow out some dish, he cannot have sergery becouse of his heart. now last night we had our date night, got ride of our g.daughter, went out to dinner, picked up a movie, very nice. me in my teddy pulled out the sofa bed now all night WE tryed to make love- what i mean by that is he couldnt keep it up we tryed everything. even tryed again in the morning. hes seeing his theripist in a few days and going to see if his new pills sre doing this to him. we both are starting to get ffrusharted and i am trying to keep him calm telling him when it happeneds it will happen. he does get it somwhat hard but not all the way and then it goes away fast
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08-09-2009, 08:13 PM
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Use The Program on him then. See what his therapist says.
But most of all - if he's not working as hard as you are to rebuild this marriage be prepared to walk away.
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