Foreskin issues

[bamjuju]

long time lurker recent time poster...


My boyfriend and I have been together for around a year and a half and in this time we have frequently tried to have unprotected sex (all precautions by me taken, pill, spermicide etc both tested and clean) but it never happens as he says it hurts him.

He has for a number of years had a tight foreskin, he is quite large and when he has an erection it is stretched to capacity therefore the whole back and forth of the action tends to hurt him a bit.

Does anyone have any advice as to what to do (as Mr JUJU refuses to see a doctor) anything would help not only for sex but i do want him to not feel pain when he has intercourse.

A side note is it seems to be okay with a condom becuase the condom holds the skin in place so we have no dramas.But im concerned for his ability to have children as normal intercourse hurts him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome. I'm glad that you came out from behind the trees.

> A side note is it seems to be okay with a condom becuase the condom holds the skin in place so we have no dramas.But im concerned for his ability to have children as normal intercourse hurts him.

Well, you could always cut an opening in the end of the condom! when the time comes.

> Does anyone have any advice as to what to do (as Mr JUJU refuses to see a doctor) anything would help not only for sex but i do want him to not feel pain when he has intercourse.

As long as he refuses to see a doctor he will continue to live in fear of the unknown; moreover, nothing will be solved and life will continue as it has.

What are your boyfriend's thoughts on stubbing his toe or getting a sliver? Brandye, our resident M.D., often recommends a visit to the doctor in order to get a little snip with a scalpel to the opening. This will make the opening larger in order to glide over the Glans. I'm sure the doctor can apply a topical anesthetic ahead of the procedure.

Foreskins come in different shapes and sizes. Some have become unstuck from the Glans early on while others remain partially or completely attached and need to be worked free later in life. From your description, it sounds like his might just need to have the opening enlarged a bit.

Depending upon how free his foreskin is and the style of opening, he may be able to enlarge the opening over time by stretching it each time he takes a shower. So, there are his options.

What is amazing to me is the logic we fraidy-cats use to get out of something. We'd much rather put up with the devil we know than the devil we don't. In other words, he would much rather suffer the discomfort and lack of total pleasure than undergoing a bit of discomfort for a few minutes so that the two of you can enjoy pain free intercourse.

What next?

[bamjuju]

I know, boys right? lol.

Thanks, thats a great idea of having a cut at the opening. I have a feeling he'd be much more open to that than having it all gone. Now its time to convince!!!!!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

I have tried to answer this question but I just can't seem to do it without wanting todrag this 'person' over the coals.

"My boyfriend and I have been together for around a year and a half and in this time we have frequently tried to have unprotected sex (all precautions by me taken, pill, spermicide etc both tested and clean) but it never happens as he says it hurts him."

ok point 1 - IF IT HURTS DON'T DO IT - DUH!!!!
and
point 2 - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO BAREBACK ANYWAY?????

because

"But im concerned for his ability to have children as normal intercourse hurts him."

SO WHAT? You've only known him for a year and a half - and you want to marry him already?!?!?

Look until you two are married, and why would you want to since he's too chicken to go and get this properly fixed by a doctor, and trying to get pregnant you should not be at all concerned with his procreative ability.

[bamjuju]

WOW, whats with the anger its a simple question about a foreskin?

Never said anything about them being my children I was meerely wondering. I dont forsee myself being married in the next 10 years. And its natural to be concerned for the health and vitality of someone you love. For the record we have known eachother about 7 years.

Why go bareback? We got tired of condoms and seeing as I am on the pill and use spermacide we thought, why not?

Lastly, some people have a fear of going to the doctor, much like dentists, I dont judge, i only become frustrated.

Thanks dancingdoc for your polite answer to the question i asked. I got some very helpful information. Once again, thankyou very much.

its no wonder so many people 'hide in the bushes' you ask a question you get flamed.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh yes, make nice nice and I'll listen.

So you're willing to be frustrated? Why when you do not have to be frustrated? He wears condoms and sex is fun once again. Problem solved. So what's your issue with condoms? It is your issue not his because given the choice between pain and condoms, most men will choose condoms so you have to be pushing him into not wearing them. So why are you deliberately hurting him on the one hand and pandering to his fear of doctors on the other?

The anger and yes frustration is because once again and yet another woman is pandering to some guy's ego instead of asking him to stand up and be a man. He is supposed to be an adult, not a child, right? So why are you treating him as if he were a child? Pat him on the head and find a work-around rather than just get the damned thing fixed already. You got bored with condoms - how long before you're going to get bored listening to the same old same old complaint ouch! it hurts!? Part of being an adult is to exercise judgment. You select a over b after due thought or don't you?

If something easily fixable, as this is, was interfering with your sex life wouldn't you get it fixed? This is just a snip in a urologist's office. 2 seconds, done, not a lot of time or money and he can enjoy sex the next day - so what's the big deal? No, he'd rather run.

You see, how a man faces the small things gives you some indication of how he'll face up to the big challenges in life. And the same goes for you.

You'd rather risk it than fix it because you don't want to be "not nice", you don't want to "be judgmental", and you'd rather not look beneath the surface of questions and issues and try to understand what you're doing and why you're doing it.

But still persisting in doing something painful because you think this time "it might work" that is just stupid.

Why not? Because some STDs have long incubation periods - like 10 years and neither the pill nor the spermicide stop STDs. Then there are the little worries like HPV, genital warts, yeast infections and so on. All of which can really ruin your day - esp HPV. That's why condoms. You take care of pregnancy prevention and he takes care of STD transmission - by wearing condoms.

Like this answer better?

[bamjuju]

Well this was a much more well thought out reply. Thankyou. I understand where you are coming from.

[dlb]

If it is extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant for "Mr. JuJu" I don't understand why he hasn't seen a doctor. Physicians can perform partial circumcisions. This might be the answer if your boyfriend wants to keep his foreskin but wants to do something about the tightness he experiences during erection. He will be uncomfortable for several days, but then everything will be better. My father-in-law, a retired physician, says this is not an uncommon problem in men.

[EvilEvilKitten]

No, the other answer was equally well-thought out, I was just compressing and distilling the long answer into something short and to the point but yeah, you have issues and need the sugar-coating. I still think you're being one cruel bitch to a guy you profess to care about.

[Aussie_Foot_Lover]

I'm no expert when it comes to forskin, but I have to ask, how often do you have sex? & does (Or did) he masterbate a lot?

In my own experience, I can remember it being somewhat painful getting a full erection as the skin was not used to being streched that much. However, after a bit more use so to speak, the problem went away.

Not sure if that will help at all, but that's my 2 cents :P