College

[Alt]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and about to be four months in two days. She has showed nothing but love to me and she knows how much I love her. The other day she randomly started talking to me about breaking up. She said she wants to experience other guys (Even though she has experience) and she wants to see if I am right for her to marry. She says she loves me but this is preventing her from fully loving me. She says I should see other girls but I will never be able to. Thinking about not being the guy she comes back to has made me not been able to eat, sleep and do anything other then lie down in my bed. It is practically impossible to get up to go to the gym or do anything anymore. I was wondering what I can do to relieve this stress? If it keeps up I will have to go to the hospital again because I developed an ulcer last year from similar stress. Just knowing she will come back to me will mean the world. Is there anything I can do to allow my chances to increase?

[dancingdoc2]

Please read what I have written on the subject of dating. Read the article on this listed in the Index.

You might not want to, although, you certainly can date other girls after breaking up.

Dating is all about learning what humanity has to offer us in the way of potential mates so that when Mr./Ms. Right enters our life we will be better able to recognize the person. Dating is all about sampling a variety of personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, goals, quirks, ambitions, moral and religious values, etc., et cetera, etc. So, my recommendation is that if she wants to break up, and has stated this, she already has detached herself. She is just trying to get you used to the inevitability.

As for the stress of this news, you are not alone nor will you be the only fella to have to contend with this. Guys typically put all their (love) eggs in one basket and then when a breakup does occur the process takes a much greater toll on the psyche that for most women who have more diverse ways of handling stress.

Understand what the process of dating involves, that you should openly date lots of women, sometimes more than one at a time, and none exclusively until you are ready to settle down. You'll be able do everything and have all the perks yet without all the drama and trauma that comes from entering into an exclusive relationship.

Grieving is a process yet a person cannot grieve forever. It is now time to get up and get going and start living your life all the while looking for someone else to date and so on and on.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Wow! Who cut yours' off? 1 year 4 months and 2 days?!?!

You're easy. She's bored. Thus the inevitable happens. It is very rare that your first love is the love you marry because, as you will find, you first love bears little resemblance to your last and true love. How it is. Making yourself sick with worry is not going to improve your chances.

Even if you have to force yourself to do it - get out there and see who else is available. You don't have to ask them out - you have only to talk to them.

[Alt]

I recently found out that she has been on a hardcore mens diet pill and she has not been following the warning label. This has caused her to do a complete one 180. It is quite scary. She talks differently and does not even realize it, she goes in and out of reality while you are talking to her, her morals and the things she has saying now are the complete opposite of what she used to believe. Also she has become sex crazed like never before. Should she see a nutritionist or a certain kind of doctor? Thank you.

Also, she is not bored. She wants to see me everyday, and even be "Friends with benefits". Everytime I see her it is full of surprises.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - get her to the hospital ASAP and take those pills with you!

When a woman messes around with products meant for men you have no idea what damage they could be causing! If this diet pill contains hormones they could induce profound side effects.

[Alt]

I am trying. I went to her house today to tell her parents and it made everything worse between me, them, and her. She thinks I am trying to get her in trouble when I was just telling them how dire it is for her to go to the doctors. Of course they won't bring her to the doctors and she is furious with me so I am not sure what to do. She has a heart condition, and the pills are for 21 +, and she is 18, she was not following the warning labels and decided to take caffeinated things on top of that. Also the other pills she has been taking for months have not cycled out of her system because she does not cycle them. So she is in trouble... Like I said she is acting completely different.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - you've done your bit. Now you have but to stand up for what you believe by refusing to have anything more to do with her UNTIL she gets proper medical help and cleans up her act. Do not play Sir Galahad and do not become an enabler by trying to be 'nice and helpful'. It doesn't work and ruins your credibility with her.

[lnt1103]

Sadly, you won't get her to the doctor (and neither will her parents) until she (and they) sees the light of the problem she has and recognizes that she needs help. You love her, so inevitably you'll try desperately to help her see it. But you can't MAKE her see it. And if she won't (it's not a can't, it's a won't--not an ability, a choice), you owe it to yourself to get her out of your life--it becomes self-preservation at that point.

Trust me, I know whereof I speak, I've dated addicts in the past. You give and you give and you give because somewhere inside you love them and you want to help them. Until you wake up one day and you have no more to give and you're just weary from the weight of it all. You hear people tell you how 'good for them' you are, and hearing it feels good, but the bottom line is, THEY are BAD for YOU, and that MUST become the overriding factor, and you MUST be the strong one and LEAVE. For your own sake.

I'm not saying don't try. Partly because I know you will no matter what anyone tells you. So try. But recognize when it's time to stop trying and save yourself.