How to break up....

[thatoneguy]

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 and a half years. I am living with her right now, until i get an apartment here in town (lease won't be available for another month). Basically, for the past several months, just everything she does pisses me off. everything. I care about her, but I can't live with her and I can't marry her, so I feel like I need to end this now so we can both move on.

My question is this. From a girls perspective, what will be easiest on her? I know nothing will be, but I really want to hurt her the least I possibly can. Any other advice is more than welcome as well. thanks everyone

[thatoneguy]

I also don't know when the best time would be to do this? I mean...after she gets home from work, before she goes? A day she doesn't work?

[Ell]

I would suggest an off day, and be honest with her about why you want to end it. Hope this helps

[dancingdoc2]

If can can move out now, move out now. Rent a self storage unit and put your belongings in it for a month or two. If you need a place to stay, ask a friend if you can move in until an apartment becomes available, or, move to the YMCA, or, an inexpensive motel.

You have two options when telling her you are breaking up:

1. Move out and be gone by the time she arrives home
Then call her on the phone and talk, or better, agree to meet somewhere like a quiet restaurant or cafe and break the news.

2. Break up with her while there and:
Either remain where you are (not particularly recommended)
Move out the next day and leave, as above.

The difficult part is actually telling her. The hardest of all is staying there while you are no longer lovers. Don't unless you have no options. If you do not have options and it is only a month then make the best of your relationship until you have secured the new apartment and can move out the next day.

[EvilEvilKitten]

A coward kills with a kiss; a brave man with a sword. Saying to her exactly what you just said to us is the only way to break up - be honest and do not give in, do not argue, do not go dancing out the door. Well, when you get irritated, that's the time to tell her.

Then, when you're alone, think about what went wrong, when, how, and why.

Doc - NEVER break up over the phone (aka weaseling out) unless you fear for your life or physical well-being.

[thatoneguy]

Yeah I agree that I should tell her exactly why and all. How do I bring it up, though- just a "hey, we need to talk", which will go ahead and tell her whats about to happen? I guess its as good a way as any.

[Buck Naked]

Just be cold and distant until she breaks up with you....LOL. Just kidding. Gotta bite the bullet and be honest. She might be thinking the same as you and is also unsure how to bring it up.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Being cold and distant won't make her break up with you- but contradicting everything she says definitely will.

Works like a charm, in fact!

[demonbuttercup]

Yea I just had this happen to me.... and due to finances we lived in the same apt for about another 2 months til our lease was up... but don't push the clock too close b/c you need to give her ample time to prepare what she will do when the lease is up... will she stay there? in my case I couldn't afford the place we were in by myself so I did have time to make other arrangements.
And try not to do it during the week... mine told me on like a Monday nite when he got home from work.. guess he just couldn't wait any longer.. and yes I cried ALLLL Nite and was a mess the next day and had to call in work

[thatoneguy]

no no, its not an apartment situation- her parents bought her a home. she doesnt pay for anything, lived alone until i went and started staying with her.