rejection

[wantmore101]

my wife and I have been married for close to thirty years, but here lately everytime I make a pass at her or try to make things interesting she rejects me, I still love her but am at the end of my rope. I do not want to cheat on her but if something does not change soon I am afraid I will

[Buck Naked]

Have you talked to her about it? Do you know if anything is wrong with her to be causing her lack of interest? Before you do something that could ruin your life I would make sure the air is clear.

[dancingdoc2]

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> I have been married for close to thirty years, but here lately everytime I make a pass at her or try to make things interesting she rejects me....

I agree, communication (verbal and/or non-verbal) is key to having a successful relationship. I urge the two of you to have a discussion about what each of you finds troubling with your relationship and how to go about repairing those issues.

> > Do you know if anything is wrong with her to be causing her lack of interest?

A marriage is a cooperative partnership. Buck may be correct, above, however, if she is unhappy, it very well may be that there is something you are doing or not doing that has progressed to the point that she is not responding to your advances.

When you do sit down with her and ask her what is bothering her--LISTEN! Encourage her to talk and express all that concerns her. Your job at this stage is to listen and to hear her. Do not interject, do not defend, do not attempt to justify. Hear her.

Remember the ol' adage: "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Whatever the problem is, it is real. Ask for clarification if there is a question about what is bothering her. Later, ask her what you can do to improve or eliminate the problem. Take note and then demonstrate to her that you understand and will work to improve whatever the matter is. Then, do it.

This exercise is not about justification or being a right fighter It is about listening and understand and then actually working on a solution. There should be no arguing and not fighting. These are counter productive. Engage her in a positive, concerned, manner. Having an affair is not going to solve the core issue. While doing so may provide instant gratification, in the long run it will do more harm than good. It is far better to demonstrate to her that you recognize a problem exists and that you want to work on repairing the relationship. Ask her to outline what is wrong.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

Thirty years of marriage. My guess is she is fiftyish and just on one side or the other of menopause. Think puberty in reverse including some similar, if more mature, symptoms and reactions.

A visit with her gyn talking about changes in emotions, libido, sensitivity, etc., is in order. Some women become more sexual after menopause; some, less. Perhaps awareness of what is happening to her body will help. Perhaps a little medical assistance and perhaps a bit of counseling.

Believe me, you guys cannot get it when it comes to menopause. The first ho-flash and I prescribed my own assistance.