Confused...not sure what to do?

[snowman]

Here's the deal.

I have been with my Gf for 2 years now and it just seems to me like this is a pivotal moment in making a decision for the future. I truly love her for the person she is and everything about her. Unfortunately, every month she always seems to go on the attack about something for a confrontation its a case of jekyl and hyde, where after 3-5 days she is fine aagin. I put it down to mood swings due to hormones but I am not sure but i asked her to try and sort it out. She always complains about me not listening to her over and over but I DO listen and it frustrates me when she keeps saying this.

She is keen for marriage in the future but i have my doubts purely for a couple of reasons. Both our parents are divorced, my situation being very recent and it has put me off marriage simply because i do not want to go through the same thing.

Our sex life started off well and was exciting but now i just dont get excited and feel like a change. We only ever have sex in missionary position which i find mundane. I have expressed this to her and her worry is she will suffer pain when doing it in other positions. I told her to take it slow, use lots of lubricant etc but it just doesnt work. She said she would sort it out possibly with hypnotherapy but nothing has changed. She is a girl who very much does not like moving out of her comfort zone.

Recently i dont even feel like seeing or talking to her which i know seems harsh but i dont know what to do. I really want things to work between us but i feel as though even though we are a team, alot of these things need to be tackled by her.

[dancingdoc2]

Questions:

* How old are the two of you?

* How many people have you dated before her?

* How many people has she dated before you?

* How is the communication between you? Are you able to freely talk about any subject? When it comes to problem solving, are you able to discuss and also negotiate solutions?

A lot of times couples argue over topics not issues, meaning they pick on some matter that doesn't have anything to do with what is really wrong. I wonder what it is that causes her to engage in monthly confrontations.

If you go to the site's Home page, you will find many animated illustrated sexual positions. Why not have a look at some and discuss the possibility of trying one or more? Explore and learn together then evaluate the results. If she is so worried about venturing forth and trying new things then I wonder what is the real cause for her apprehensions.

> Recently i dont even feel like seeing or talking to her which i know seems harsh but i dont know what to do. I really want things to work between us but i feel as though even though we are a team, alot of these things need to be tackled by her.

If she is unwilling to try things, explore, learn, then perhaps you should begin dating other people. I have stated time and again that dating does not begin and end with the first warm body expressing an interest in us. Dating is all about going out with many different people, sometimes dating a couple of people at the same time and not having an exclusive relationship with anyone until you are ready to settle down. When you are you will be in a much better position to determine when Mr./Ms. Right comes into view.

If she cannot make a move to seek help with her problems, then perhaps it is time for you to continue the dating process. It is no good for one person to be willing to change, the partner recognizing that change is needed, yet unwilling to undertake the challenge.

[Brandye]

The fact is that some women have extreme emotional swings for the few days before their period - pre-menstrual stress (PMS). It is not pretty and they can be difficult to live with. She should talk with her doctor about treating this whether or not you continue in the relationship.

Her other attitudes about sex and trying new things may or, more likely, may not be related to this. Given the depths to which the relationship has sunk, perhaps a break, with counseling, may help. Otherwise, this does not sound like a healthy situation for either of you.

[dlb]

Originally Posted by snowman

Recently i dont even feel like seeing or talking to her which i know seems harsh but i dont know what to do. I really want things to work between us but i feel as though even though we are a team, alot of these things need to be tackled by her.

Parents being divorced has nothing to do with it. You have doubts about marriage and you say you don't feel like seeing her or talking to her.

Are you looking for someone to tell you to drop her and move on with your life? It should be excrutiatingly obvious that this is what you need to do. Never get married if you have the slightest doubt. Never marry someone that you cannot communicate with and especially if you don't want to see her or talk to her before you even get married. Don't set yourself up for more unhappiness.

[snowman]

Thanks for responses

doc i have enlisted answers to questions posed below


Questions:

* How old are the two of you? I am 25 she is 23

* How many people have you dated before her? I have been in a proper relationship with 3 previously
* How many people has she dated before you? 1

* How is the communication between you? Are you able to freely talk about any subject? When it comes to problem solving, are you able to discuss and also negotiate solutions?

I wouldnt say freely, i mean i dont have a problem speaking to her about things but i just dont seem to feel the need to tell her specific things, i am always someone who likes to bottle things up and deal with them on my own accord she speaks freely to me however when she kicks off she goes on about me not listening to her and knowing about problems in her life when reality is how can i when she dont tell me? When it comes to problems and finding a common ground i feel as though it is me who puts the offer on the table so to speak and me who negotiates she never seems to propose anything

A lot of times couples argue over topics not issues, meaning they pick on some matter that doesn't have anything to do with what is really wrong. I wonder what it is that causes her to engage in monthly confrontations. Its like brandeye said its just before her period and it really is not nice. she started taking some pills after researching it but then stopped i think
If you go to the site's Home page, you will find many animated illustrated sexual positions. Why not have a look at some and discuss the possibility of trying one or more? Explore and learn together then evaluate the results. If she is so worried about venturing forth and trying new things then I wonder what is the real cause for her apprehensions.

We have had a look before and she has been open to trying she just seems to be apprehensive regarding possible pain that may occur from trying different positions.

> Recently i dont even feel like seeing or talking to her which i know seems harsh but i dont know what to do. I really want things to work between us but i feel as though even though we are a team, alot of these things need to be tackled by her.

If she is unwilling to try things, explore, learn, then perhaps you should begin dating other people. I have stated time and again that dating does not begin and end with the first warm body expressing an interest in us. Dating is all about going out with many different people, sometimes dating a couple of people at the same time and not having an exclusive relationship with anyone until you are ready to settle down. When you are you will be in a much better position to determine when Mr./Ms. Right comes into view.

If she cannot make a move to seek help with her problems, then perhaps it is time for you to continue the dating process. It is no good for one person to be willing to change, the partner recognizing that change is needed, yet unwilling to undertake the challenge.


Thanks for responses

doc i have enlisted answers to questions posed above

[snowman]

Originally Posted by dlb

Parents being divorced has nothing to do with it. You have doubts about marriage and you say you don't feel like seeing her or talking to her.

Are you looking for someone to tell you to drop her and move on with your life? It should be excrutiatingly obvious that this is what you need to do. Never get married if you have the slightest doubt. Never marry someone that you cannot communicate with and especially if you don't want to see her or talk to her before you even get married. Don't set yourself up for more unhappiness.

my doubts do revolve to a degree around fact i dont want to turn out like my parents. as for not wanting to talk to her i meant that in the context of when she goes into her crazy mode and the subsequent aftermath.

i am not looking for some to tell me this as i feel i am capable of making that decision by myself i was just looking for some answers

[snowman]

Originally Posted by Brandye

The fact is that some women have extreme emotional swings for the few days before their period - pre-menstrual stress (PMS). It is not pretty and they can be difficult to live with. She should talk with her doctor about treating this whether or not you continue in the relationship.

Her other attitudes about sex and trying new things may or, more likely, may not be related to this. Given the depths to which the relationship has sunk, perhaps a break, with counseling, may help. Otherwise, this does not sound like a healthy situation for either of you.

exactly that brandye it is just before her period and i keep thinking it will not happen next month but it does and she is oblivious to it so never understands. I told her whatever happens to us she needs to get it sorted for herself. i cant deal with it now so i keep thinking that i wont be able to deal with it in the future!!

[Brandye]

Without medical assistance, this will not improve. It will happen next month. We cannot work miracles but many women with extreme PMS have been helped. It is often as simple as going on the birth control pill or, sometimes, even just a diuretic.

[BigEd]

Sounds like you love her but she is driving you nuts, sex ( a very HUGE part of a marriage that will last) is boring, and you dont want to end up like your parents.

Take a break for a while and if she comes back and settles down with the mood swings, give it some more time (like another 2 years) and see if all these problems rise back up and rear their ugly head again. If they do and they cant be worked out, you are the only one who can make the decision of whether or not you are willing to live with the volcano that is waiting to erupt. Personally, i would take the break, start dating if she comes back but no moving in for a while. First time it occurs with the blowups, she would be gone with the explanation of "You haven't changed a bit" and byebye. After all, its ok for women to use that on men and throw us out or go storming out...

Not being sexist or biased, just stating facts...

[snowman]

Originally Posted by BigEd

Sounds like you love her but she is driving you nuts, sex ( a very HUGE part of a marriage that will last) is boring, and you dont want to end up like your parents.

Take a break for a while and if she comes back and settles down with the mood swings, give it some more time (like another 2 years) and see if all these problems rise back up and rear their ugly head again. If they do and they cant be worked out, you are the only one who can make the decision of whether or not you are willing to live with the volcano that is waiting to erupt. Personally, i would take the break, start dating if she comes back but no moving in for a while. First time it occurs with the blowups, she would be gone with the explanation of "You haven't changed a bit" and byebye. After all, its ok for women to use that on men and throw us out or go storming out...

Not being sexist or biased, just stating facts...

thanks for your response much appreciated