Marriage, No?

[MissCarmen]

My bf of almost 5 yrs says he cannot marry. We have been dating for over 4 years and at first he was talking about marriage. He would call me Mrs. and talk about our future and our future children. No he says he cannot get married that he does not want to he does not trust women and all the men he talks to says not to. We have had issues of infidelity on both parts. What to do, I love him and even though our relationship has been riddled with issues, I still believe in love, the institution of marriage, and having a family.

[Brandye]

You believe in that; he does not seem to. Want to go out in a leaky boat?

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by Brandye

You believe in that; he does not seem to. Want to go out in a leaky boat?

No, of course not. It just really hurts because I can't see myself with anyone else but him.

[wet_suit_one]

There are others. He's just a man. One with whom I agree too...

He's probably been to nomarriage.com and read a bit about the downsides and risks to marriage.

I'd rather gamble my life in a war zone.

Marriage is too risky and too costly. For a crapshoot, the cost is every other woman and possibly my children? To heck with that...

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by MissCarmen

My bf of almost 5 yrs says he cannot marry. We have been dating for over 4 years and at first he was talking about marriage. He would call me Mrs. and talk about our future and our future children. Now he says he cannot get married that he does not want to he does not trust women

Then with that logic he also doesn't trust you.


and all the men he talks to says not to.

Who's running this relationship?

We have had issues of infidelity on both parts.

So, what is it about each other that both of you have had indiscretions?
I would want to get these reasons fixed first and foremost and not just proceed on faith. If nothing has been corrected from the past, the future is bound to repeat itself!

What to do, I love him and even though our relationship has been riddled with issues, I still believe in love, the institution of marriage, and having a family.

Fine, then fix what is not working in the relationship and then decide if marriage has merit.

What is it about your boyfriend that he will listen to and act upon his friends' advice instead of his trust in you and how things are working between you? Bottom line: if he really wanted to marry you, he'd find a way! That he doesn't means there are unresolved problems that neither of you are addressing. Until you get these cleared up, wishful thinking is not a very solid foundation.

[Buck Naked]

A couple of people that I know that said they didn't want to get married were really surprised when they tried to move out and end the relationship. They both were considered to be in Common Law marriages and went through hell and back with legal crap. One of them said it would have been easier to get out of it if they had gotten married. Ironic.

[Gibson52]

MissCarmen: Sounds like he is not meeting the criteria you believe in anymore. Perhaps he has changed his direction of thought as far as a single long term relationship with your or any woman right now. Maybe you both should take a temporary leave of absence, maybe there is someone else who believes in the things that you do. If U 2 are right for each other, maybe this will bring him back full circle to your dreams. You must be willing to accept your losses (which may be none..if he does not share the same dreams as you) by you 2 acknowleding this temporary break up, just to get your thoughts together and not to add stress to each of your lives.
People always want what they don't have. Trying to be polite here..but are you often available to him for sexual encounters, of which he glady participates?
I believe in the things your talking about, and am married for 21 years. If you want to send me a private email I would be glad to share any personal ideas to win him back full circle...from a guys perspective. I wish for you, that your dreams come true, sooner than later.

[Ell]

If he wants to let other people make up his mind about marriage, then let him. There is nothing that you can do to change his mind, and you shouldn't try to make him marry you. You need to decide if you can be happy with him even if he never decides to get married, & if you cant then you need to find someone who wants the same things in life that you do.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by wet_suit_one

There are others. He's just a man. One with whom I agree too...

He's probably been to nomarriage.com and read a bit about the downsides and risks to marriage.

I'd rather gamble my life in a war zone.

Marriage is too risky and too costly. For a crapshoot, the cost is every other woman and possibly my children? To heck with that...

Yeah, he has been on that website.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Fine, then fix what is not working in the relationship and then decide if marriage has merit.

What is it about your boyfriend that he will listen to and act upon his friends' advice instead of his trust in you and how things are working between you? Bottom line: if he really wanted to marry you, he'd find a way! That he doesn't means there are unresolved problems that neither of you are addressing. Until you get these cleared up, wishful thinking is not a very solid foundation.

Yes, we are working on our issues. We are both earning each others trust back but he says he don't think he can ever trust me again. We have had communication issues and that is part of why these terrible things happened.