Wishing for more sex!!!

[assman]

My wife and I have been married for almost 7 yrs.We have 2 kids and it has changed our sex lives.The little we have(3 times/month) is great though.We have explored new pleasures such as anal and oral play.We both love performing these acts on each other.
The kids are getting older and sleeping better allowing more time for ourselves but we still are not using some of this time for more sex.I'm ready for it but it seems she is not.She seems happy with our so called scheduled sex time.This has lead to no spontaneous moments.I also want to bring an anal toy to the bedroom to assist in pleasuring her even more.I have asked but she was not at all excited.I also would like her to take control more often when we are having sex.
I know talking about sex with your partner is the best thing to do but it seems I don't know the right things to ask to win her over on some of my ideas or for us to even in engage in a good conversation about my topics.
Looking for ideas.

[troyndheather]

lol just next time yall have sex pull it(the toy)and see what she says....my wife always seems more open when shes in the "mood" when shes not she is a saint haha

[dancingdoc2]

Return to the basics:

* Make certain you are helping out with chores around the house
* Romance her
* Make love to her mind, and usually the body will follow as a result

If you spend time romancing and addressing her emotional needs you
will often find a rekindling of sex part.

[LustyLisa]

Maybe you are over estimating her level of enjoyment for the acts that you've mentioned. It seems that a happy and satisfied woman would be more inclined to want more regular sex. Since you are hell bent on anal activities, it may be that she needs a week or so in between to recover as well as prepare mentally and physically for another assault. I know from my own experience, anal made me not want to have sex and knowing he was planning on sticking something up my butt severely impacted my ability to orgasm and enjoy the encounter at all.
Instead of making comments about objects and sexual acts you want to do to her, why don't you ask her what it will take to make her want you more often. Control and dominance is another area that many woman have trouble with. Women in our socety are raised to be more submissive, she may simply not be the aggressive type and is not comfortable taking control. It may be that you are your own worst enemy and because of your expectations and desires are outside of what your partner wants, desires and needs. The best way to get your own needs met is to take care of hers 1st. Once you find out the love language she understands and put into practice what works best for her, you'll probubly discover a woman allot more willing and eager for sex.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Agreed! The question seems to be centered on "his desires" and how can he get her to 'go along' with "his ideas".

My question is: does she like her ankles licked? If you don't know the answer, you have some work to do. Get to know what your wife likes beyond all others. She likes her regular sex date because she can anticipate and relish the thought of the upcoming fun , or prepare for the next assault - as it were - but which?

The fact that she doesn't do the odd spontaneous romp with you means she's NOT INTO whatever it is you are currently doing. Oh yes, she'll play the game and make nice noises and so on - but mentally, she's not there.

What you do is forget spontaneity and just do The Program and heavy on the body worship. Explore her and discover what she REALLY enjoys not because she says so but because doing that right there like that turns her into a raging tigress hell bent upon jumping your bones.

Every so often - it pays to get 'reacquainted' with your wife/husband.

[mikkiji]

Sometimes, after 7 years of marriage, a woman will go through a phase during which she's just not as into sex as she used to be. This seems to be very common, and may have little to do with anything the husband is or isn't doing. I had these dry seasons as well, during my 34 year marriage--and they often occurred at years which were multiples of 7. It wasn't that my wife stopped enjoying sex--when aroused, she'd be as hot and wanting it as ever--she just didn't want it very often--2 or 3 times a month, down from 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes she'd come back to a more satisfying frequency after a few months, other times a year or two of "not enough" would ensue. It took me until the 28-year mark until I stopped feeling rejected during these spells, which was potentially damaging to our marital relationship. Yes--the wife may be cooling because of the practices the husband wants to engage in, but sometimes it's nobody's "fault", it's just phases of a marriage, the seasons of sexuality.
Michael

[troyndheather]

good post mikkiji i think will explain alot for most men lol maybe even save them money on court fees hah

[EvilEvilKitten]

No, it isn't a "fault" but it could be a rut in thinking or sex by rote issue - people can easily form habits of mind. Esp when there are two young kids in the house - they need routine and expect parents to provide it. Routine becomes a way of life. And then there's the usual 9 to 5 workday. Habit once again.

[mikkiji]

Agreed--habit, kids, routine and the grueling 9 to 5 workday can indeed wreck havoc with a couple's sex life. A married couple needs to be aware of the pitfalls of real life intruding into their marital relationship, always taking conscious steps to try and keep the fire lit.
Michael

[ejl32]

I think just like the marriage itself, both parties have to be vested in keeping it alive. I am early into parenthood and 5 years into marriage, but I am noticing that my wife is very into being a Mom right now. I love seeing that side of her but I also need to be wanted...and I think if this was more evident than I am certain I would also be more inclined to show her the same in return. Sex, pleasure and all things bedroom need to be a two way street.

I did take issue with what the poster said above about pulling out anal toys to additionally please his wife when he never stated whether she really enjoyed anal. perhaps he wants a little anal. I found the response to that very enlightening. I might have in the past fallen into that very same world. But how do you help your wife discover her passions, lust and desires?

A well put point was made about trying to find out what she enjoys and then pursuing that insted of yanking out some anal toy. Men and Women have been having kids, lives, careers and sex for a very long time....I am certain these issues are not new.