Not getting back what I'm putting in

[sunflower87]

My boyfriend and I have hit a road block in our sex life. I still climax from time to time but not enough. He has stopped waiting for me to finish, or when he does wait often he gives off vibes like he is bored. I end up feeling like a chore.

I feel I have been insensitive and I'm not sure how to reverse my actions. For example, I stopped him and moved him off of me onto his back and just hurried up and finished him off, saying, "well I can't cum if you look bored". I also mentioned to him that I wish he would engage in more foreplay. When we first started dating he was very good about this, now he just pulls his dick out and shows it to me or wakes me up grinding on me... expecting to just put it in. Often when I am trying to engage in the activity I rub my hand on him and very often end up going down on him. He has said in the past he enjoys eating me out and he used to do it more often... but lately now I give him head 3-4 times a week hoping he will return the favor and he never does.

I said something once and he ate me out, but then said afterwards, "happy now?" and since then I mentioned that I have been getting really upset that he wont return the favor and he said that I should ask him when I want it and that he cant read my mind. The problem is I am angry that I have to ask. I want it to happen in the heat of the moment, and preferrably almost as often as I give it to him. I have been showering and keeping myself very clean hoping for the moment, and it ruins it for me if I have to ask for foreplay or ask for him to lick me... I want to feel like he wants to pleasure me on his own accord. I raised the point that he never has to ask me... any time he asks for it usually I have already done it for him once that day. He really had nothing to say to that and actually seemed edgy the rest of the day.

I think I am too harsh when I try to talk with him about any of these issues because he gets mad afterwards but never confronts me about how he is feeling (as if he is embarassed) When I do it for him I truly enjoy it and make sure he knows. I am very good at it and rarely give it any less than my best effort. Sometimes when I'm tired and he wants to have sex I do a quicky job on him (5 min or less) to just appease him but I know he'd rather that than nothing... I dont even get that... I just get nothing. Also I am just in general really bored with the same sex and I looked through the positions on this site but they are all just stuff we do naturally anyway. We change around a lot during intercourse unless we're feeling lazy but no matter how many positions we do it's the same sex every time.

Also, I like doing it in different places (at a waterfall, in the car, random places when it's just too tempting) he doesnt like it anywhere but the bedroom and actually has made fun of me for some comments I have made trying to get him to do it elsewhere... I've found in the past sexy outfits help but that's a very expensive way to try and entice him into better-energy sex.

He is twice my age and when we first started having sex I felt intimidated because he was a lot more free during it than I was... but now he has opened me up and I have learned to enjoy exploring... suddenly, however, he doesnt want to explore anymore! Talking seems to make everything worse and I am starting to harbor anger about it. Not sure how to solve this issue without wounding his pride. I just want to make him happy and happy to make me happy.

I've started using a dildo to make myself available to him anally (because I found he would enjoy that) I figure that new excitment wont work out, though, if he still wont engage in foreplay or lick me... I figure he should put in some effort if I am putting in effort to get myself to where he can pound me anally like he wants to. I'm worried even more because when I turn 30 and reach my sexual peak he will be in his 50's and I will go crazy if our sex life gets any worse than it already is! I am a very faithful person but I need sexual satisfaction. Should I just start exploring dildos and learning to like them more than my man? Is it possible that I put too much pressure on his poor performance and damaged his ability to pleasure me?

[Ephemera]

Would you mind editing your post into smaller chunks? It's really difficult to read such a block 'o text.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sunflower - 30 is NOT your sexual peak. FAR from it! I am over 50 and I can exhaust 16 men in 4 hours. Honey, you're not even trying here.

1. stop trying to please him - he's bored by it and no one wants a "doormat"
2. forget the toys, forget the sexy outfits, forget lingerie, forget the anal sex, forget positions

None of that is going to help so stop wasting your time and energy.

Because you two have grown apart and have stopped listening to each other.
Stop trying to discuss it. All he hears is "yadda yadda yadda you're doing me wrong". That's not the kind of communication you need here.

You need to decide how you want your life to be and then live it. If you want sex, throw yourself into his arms and demand it - stop asking, demand. If you want x, y, or z - demand it. Be sure to ONLY tell him what he does RIGHT. Do not be a whining doormat anymore. Seduce him into working for it.

Please note: at his age, his hormones are changing to a slower pace. He may also be depressed, stressed or otherwise unable or unwilling - he's not a machine.

Next point - if sex is boring, you're not doing it right. Even with the same person for many years - sex can be just as thrilling each and every time as it was in the beginning - if you pay attention. Basically because people change over time. He has and you noticed it but didn't know what to do with it except give him more of the same that he was already getting and bored by.

so:

1. cut him some slack - he's human
2. he needs a medical check-up
3. read and do the following sticky posts Body Worship and The Program
4. visit and read www.wickedwomangroup.us excellent advice and relationship eBooks, some of them free

It is time for you to get to know your man again. It is time for you to have him step-up by not being a doormat because giving a man everything he wants makes him lazy. Unleash your inner tigress - forget merely blowing his doors off - rip them off at the hinges.

This all may seem contradictory but it does work.

You might also try my two favorite experiments.
1. tie him down onto the bed and see how many full erections, orgasms and ejaculations you can get out of him in 45 minutes flat using all the methods you know.
2. tie him down onto the bed, tell him not to move, and see how many orgasms you can get for yourself by using him for your pleasure for as LONG as he can withstand it

see - same old sex - but hardly boring

[sunflower87]

This post is very helpful! Last night I was shocked- I think he was mad at me but I thought he was asleep and he reached over and pulled me to him and we made love like it was the first year we were together! I think I was excited by the fact that he was being rough and biting me hard, pulling my hair and treating my body like it had a million buttons to press... I really felt like he was taking out his resentment that way but I was ok with it because it wasnt hateful and it was still loving. He was able to see my enthusiasm and pleasure also and we ended up staying awake for hours to enjoy the momentum. During sex too we connected in a way that I almost forgot was possible... I realized how distant we have been. We've just been fucking and not really joining together. I still want him to go down on me though, I will try your pointers and read the assigned articles and hopefully have some good news! Thank you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're welcome and good luck!