How can i help him?

[LiL_TrUbLe]

So if the JERK like u call him tried to make it work and it did not then he has to pretend her childish ways don’t bug him?

You make it seem like its only up to him to fix things, when in reality some guys cheat because they are looking for something their women are not willing to give them. I am not saying that is the reason he cheated and I would care less. Bottom line is he did it so what and yes she forgave him, but if he puts in his part to change and prove he has changed why cant she respect it? She has so put in her part as well! Seems like all she does is cry about the past and not focus on her child.

One can only do so much and should not be punished every day for her insecurity. He tried to make it work and well her ways did not allow it, the question was how does he get her out know with out it getting worse.

I am a female and just because I am an not going to feel sorry for her! I am not taking his side just because he is my friend.

She is afraid to be alone.


P.S seems like you have some kind of hate for men that supposable cheat.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why must monogamy be valued?

Traditionally, it was to secure all of his resources for her children and to limit her childbearing to him.

How on earth can you love without trusting?
Generally, if you take someone back, past is past, and you let it go because that's the way the relationship has any chance of succeeding.

Gamete - he's trying to do option B.

Read it again.

[LickMyGamete]

Utterly pointless. When the target keeps moving, and rather than him cheating because he saw an opportunity and was horny and took it, it goes to "well his gf was probably not giving him all he needed..so it's not really his fault"..what's the point in arguing? Neither of us know what happened, I just know as I guy who want's to be in my relationship and has been there..I don't put myself in those positions!

Again - I DON'T PUT MY SELF IN THOSE POSITIONS! If I don't want to be in the relationship,,I would tell my wife RATHER than cheat behind her back! "She doesn't give me what I need"..BS. You tell her and move on, not lie to her face, expose her to disease, and then once caught.."oh..she wasn't giving me what I need." THAT is a coward who got caught.

I REALLY hope you're in her shoes one day. I'm sure it hurts to find out your BF has been lying to you, potentially gave you an STD, and once caught he says "Oh, you weren't giving me what I need, so I took it upon myself." .."Rather than having a talk with you, I went out and hired a hooker!" "But it's your fault too because you weren't giving me what I need."

Then lets see how your trust in them survives..


Evil - the fact is over 95% of the population VALUES monogamy. We don't need your "why must monogamy be valued" discussion. You're a lone voice arguing against a tidal wave. We're inundated with shows like Cheaters, Dr. Phil, Oprah, 20/20, etc that cover people BREAKING monogamy,,and you expect us to forget all this and roll over and listen to you? Get real..

Here, have a look at this book to see that people actually can lose trust in a cheating partner (and still love them)!

Easily enough, it's titled

"Not 'Just Friends': Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity"

4.5 Stars after 71 Reviews..

Maybe there's something to this "trust being shattered by lies" idea, huh?

"http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241619080&sr=8-3"

--------------------------------

I think i'm annoyed by this topic because with a friend of mine, her boyfriend of 4 years said that he needed a break from the relationship because he wanted to see what it was like being with other girls. She was hurt by it of course, but:

1. She wasn't exposed to STDs.
2. She kept her trust in him, because he came out and told her before he did anything

That is how a man handles the situation if you want out. YOU DON'T go behind her back, and emerge with some lame excuse to blame her. However if that happens (because we're human), you do everything you can to rebuild her faith in you.

Anyway, I don't intend to go on rehashing everything, unless some else wants to chime in, Evil can have her final say.

[LiL_TrUbLe]

We don’t know what his reasons where for cheating. Like I said I don’t care why he did it. The point is she cant let go. She don’t understand that the past is the past. She took him back yet she did not put in her part. Cheating is not good and I do believe its better to talk to someone and not lie. But not every one thinks that way!

For your information I have been cheated on once. Well technically it wasn’t cheating sense we was not married it was just dating. Well any ways it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough (well may be to him I wasn’t but who cares) but because it did not work out. He did not talk to me about it I found out on my own. I gave him a second chance and well it just did not work out. (no one said every relationship has to) Well sense am not a little kid I got over it may be not rite away but I did not sit their and cry about well u cheated on me an this and that.

Our relationship did not work out not because he cheated but because it just did not he was not the one for me and I was not the one for him. (simple as that) I was not going to try and make people feel bad for me and say oh poor girl her man was a jerk he cheated on her. I am grown enough that I can see I don’t need a man to go on I do not need some one like that to hold me back from the things I can accomplish In life.

I can guaranty if I would of turned out with a baby from him I would have still though the same. I do not need no one I can move on kid or no kid. I would not waste my time bringing up the past and making my life miserable. My child would be my main priority. I can find some one that is worth my time in the future. So don’t give me that sh** about u hope I am in her shoes one day. If she is not grown enough to see reality then she should of thought about that before she put her self in that situation. She was not forced to be with him she chose.

Its not all his fault she needs to learn to grow up and think of her child his cheating should not matter her child should be main priority

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, I am a lone voice - much like Darwiin was - etc. Being the lone voice does not mean I am wrong.

IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED TO HIM/HER, IT IS NOT CHEATING.

Period.

They were not married.

Dating is not monogamy. Marriage is mongamy. No engagement = no exclusivity.

If you people feel the need to test his/her 'loyalty' before you can commit, then - sorry - but you need to rethink why you need such a pandering to your ego.

Once you're married, then it is a different story.

[LiL_TrUbLe]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Yes, I am a lone voice - much like Darwiin was - etc. Being the lone voice does not mean I am wrong.

IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED TO HIM/HER, IT IS NOT CHEATING.

Period.

They were not married.

Dating is not monogamy. Marriage is mongamy. No engagement = no exclusivity.

If you people feel the need to test his/her 'loyalty' before you can commit, then - sorry - but you need to rethink why you need such a pandering to your ego.

Once you're married, then it is a different story.

you make a point