Oral veto (long)

[EvilEvilKitten]

That is a difficulty. You will have to speak frankly with your regular doctor and name names.

But it seems to me that you should get up on your back legs and speak frankly with your wife, whether she wishes to hear it or not. You do NOT want "insert tab a into slot b" sex. You want that conflagration of souls sex that is a glorious reaffirmation of life and you are NOT going to settle for less.

Ask her to remember how it once was and then ask her to visualize a bleak lifetime without. Sex can be better than ever now. There's huge chasm of fear in her mind and now it is time for Her Big Bad Husband to wrap her up in his arms and help the lady out. See the sticky post entitled The Program. See what you two can do with that.

[mattc]

This is perhaps off topic some, but when did oral sex become such a bad thing? My wife won't do it...okay, won't may be the wrong word but it happens maybe 4 times a year if I'm lucky. She knows I like it, she knows I want it but she doesn't do it. Anyway, back to the topic. When you start dating, usually oral is stepping stone to sex. How has it suddenly gone from a "baby step" to off limits? I just don't get it.

[Bouledoux]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

That is a difficulty. You will have to speak frankly with your regular doctor and name names.

See the sticky post entitled The Program. See what you two can do with that.

I don't have a regular doctor; neither of us has. But I take your point. I think I chose badly, the first time around. I could have done more research, and found someone who was at least willing to work with the problem we have.

I do like the idea of trying The Program, though. At least, 1-4. That sounds promising. Who knows, it might lead to 5 and 6? Or maybe we'd have to skip 5 and 6, and go straight onto 7-9.

I'm not sure about this, though:

"Ideally she should have a climax at each location and with each method. That would be at 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, 9, 9, 9, 9..."

My wife has always been a one orgasm girl: she climaxes, and then she rolls into a ball and goes to sleep, asking me to curl up around her, which I like to do. I certainly wouldn't mind sharing six (or more) climaxes, but unless stages 1-4 do something pretty extraordinary to our metabolism, I can't conceive of it happening.

We'll give it a go, though. My wife's away at present, but I'll make it my first choice when she gets back. As you say in the sticky:

"If you want to unlock her passion, just follow the path."

[Brandye]

dlb,

A good source for collected sexology is at www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology

This is a major European repository for sex studies. Most are available in English. There are great overviews and they are properly annotated to seek the original reference. Most medical studies in Europe are done in English, though you will find some German and French.

Check it out. Humboldt is a leading research institute in Germany.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The Program is based upon a gradual increase of intimacy. Take your time, there's no rush. Give her a chance to remember how good sex with you feels and how much you care for her by the amount of care you are taking over this.

Any woman can learn to become multi-orasmic by RELAXING. She has to give herself permission to enjoy sex, giver herself permission to orgasm, and to give herself permision to show you what she's really capable of.

It will take time to overcome her 'bad programming' but it can be done.

[edm]

Bouledoux

How about getting her to talk to a priest? It seems like her dislike of enjoying sex and enjoying oral sex may have something to do with her religious beliefs. If this is true, the easiest way to change her beliefs would be thru a priest. I don't know if it would be easy or difficult to find a priest to do this, but it may be worth the try. I am sure that if a priest understands that your marriage would be better with this change, he would be happy to help.

By the way, congratulations on your writing abilities. It is nice to read good writing.

[Bouledoux]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

The Program is based upon a gradual increase of intimacy. Take your time, there's no rush.

It will take time to overcome her 'bad programming' but it can be done.

I plan to do this. I'll let you know, in due course, how it turns out.

I've read what you've written concerning The Program and Body Worship. The only question I have concerns time. When we've exchanged massages before, or even when we've done sensate focussing, or a variant of it, we've always specified how long each 'turn' would last. Maybe that isn't appropriate for what you're suggesting, and it will be obvious when to move between stages; but in very approximate terms, what would you say might be a reasonable period of time to spend on 1, 2, 3 and 4; or to get from 1 to 4?

This is for a 'beginner', who's main worry is that his wife will get bored, start yawning, and half way through, remind him the rubbish needs putting out the next day.

[Bouledoux]

Originally Posted by edm

Bouledoux

How about getting her to talk to a priest? It seems like her dislike of enjoying sex and enjoying oral sex may have something to do with her religious beliefs. If this is true, the easiest way to change her beliefs would be thru a priest. I don't know if it would be easy or difficult to find a priest to do this, but it may be worth the try. I am sure that if a priest understands that your marriage would be better with this change, he would be happy to help.

By the way, congratulations on your writing abilities. It is nice to read good writing.

That's a novel idea; but I'm afraid it's a non starter. My wife was brought up as a Catholic; however, she doesn't have much time for priests, these days. In fact, she seems almost to despise them, for the most part, believing they are essentially raptors - sexually, emotionally and financially.

It's odd, to me, that she should reject their teachings now, but seemingly hold on to beliefs they instilled in her, decades ago.

Thanks for your comments about my writing. Unfortunately, I'm probably clearer on paper than I am in real life.

[dlb]

Originally Posted by Bouledoux

I plan to do this. I'll let you know, in due course, how it turns out.


but in very approximate terms, what would you say might be a reasonable period of time to spend on 1, 2, 3 and 4; or to get from 1 to 4?

Forget about time frames. You go by feel, and obvious reaction to stimuli. Clocks and good sex don't go together usually.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If she does remind you about taking out the rubbish - growl and say "Fuck the rubbish; focus woman!" you may also smack her ass when you say it.