Haunted by the Past

[Blaker333]

I've been in a LDR for two years. It's been an incredible journey thus far. However, my girlfriend's past seems to be haunting her. More specifically, her ex, who passed away a few years ago. There have been occasions when she calls me by his name. It hasn't happened in a sexual situation yet...although she did blurt out his name during a somewhat intimate phone conversation. Her explanation is that these moments occur when she's had a drink, which she rarely does. The other night, during a long conversation where she had one, she called me by his name 3 times. I flipped out. I know she loves me. I don't question it for a second. But this is driving me nuts and I honestly don't know what to do about it or even begin to understand it. It's causing a great deal of friction within an otherwise wonderful relationship. I am absolutely desperate for advice.

Thank you.

[LickMyGamete]

I think we need some more info..

How long were they together? Was it a LDR where she was on the phone with him a lot as well? What was their relationship like? Did she have time to grieve, or jump into a relationship with you right away? etc etc

But, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If everything else is as good as you say, it could just be a slip of the tongue. I'll sometimes (rarely) mix up my wifes name with our dog (they both start with the same letter). I suppose it's also possible she didn't have enough time to grieve for him and put "the past in the past." But then I've never been in her shoes and people grieve differently, so no one can say really what she's feeling/thinking. But like it or not, your gf's ex passed away and it still may be affecting her.

[Blaker333]

They were in a 20 year relationship. Never married, but did live together for a significant amount of that time. The relationship was a difficult one for the most part. He abused alcohol and subsequently her as a result. She left him 2 years before she met me. He died 6 months into our relationship. What I didn't know was that he was in very poor health and still living in the same house with her. I found this out AFTER he passed away. Keep in mind, we were in a LDR, so we'd always meet halfway. Mini vacations once or twice a month.

I completely understand the grief she still endures. Hell, I even understand reaching for a drink when life gets to you. But calling me by his name is just too much.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Time for you to get up on your back-legs and sternly say I'm not ____ whatever his name was. EVERY time she says it - call her on it. Otherwise do not change your loving behavior.

The spirit of the thing is to remind her that YOU are here and that YOU are THE MAN in her life now and it is time to focus on the here and now. THIS MAN. The one standing before her is the man who is IMPORTANT NOW.

"I'm Frank. I'm the LIVE one."