my boyfriend unattracted to me..

[luvmakin]

So i have been with my bf for about 4 years now. I lost my virginity to him and we've lived together etc. we've always had a problem with our sex life. I enjoy having sex with him, not only for the pleasure but also because it makes me feel like I am wanted and he is attracted to me. Every woman wants to feel that way from their man. He has never really tried to initiate sex much and we've talked about it since i hate having to be the only one ever initiating it.. Just makes me feel like if I never initiate sex we wouldn't be having it. We talked about it a couple of times and hes told me a few times he just doesn't have a sex drive and that he thinks hes just not attracted to me. =( we talk about things and then later he tells me that he just said it out of anger and that i am beautiful and he really has no clue why things are the way that they are. I know he doesn't enjoy the sex much because he's told me that.. possibly it gotten routine?? I still don't know whether or not to believe that he is unattracted to me, especially because he gets very jealous and we've been together for so long. Our relationship is perfect we are very much in love with each other but i'm just getting frustrated because I feel hopeless that he can ever be pleased and start WANTING sex rather than just doing it because i'm initiating it or complaining that we never do it. Breaking up is not an option because we are so in love i need a solution to this. has anyone ever had this problem? what should i do???

[mattc]

Guess what, more often than not it's the other way around and us guys are whining about not getting any. I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that my wife just isn't that sexual. Though I know that she is attracted to me intellectually, emotionally I can't seem to come to grips with it. It sucks, there is not doubt.

Had my first counseling session today, I'm hoping that helps the situation. I'll keep you posted.

[LickMyGamete]

Stop initiating it and see what happens. I must admit..my wife initiates it most of the time! It's not that I'm not attracted to her..I just get caught up in work or school or doing some other hobby, and when it's finally the time she likes to do it (night)..I'm exhausted and ready for bed. I'm more of a day sex person whereas she's a night person. But I'll come around and initiate it when she stops.

[dancingdoc2]

I like to read what people write and how they say it. Let's talk about "love" and how it is usually expressed:

There is I "LOVE",
There is I am "IN LOVE",

There is we "love"
There is we are "in love"

After watching a thread develop over a couple of days it becomes obvious that the wrong phrase is being used. "We love each other" has a much different meaning than "we are in love with each other". Now to my point.

Guys often work hard and go to extraordinary lengths to date, woo, wow, bed, marry, and "get" a woman. Once she has been gotten, she then gets "had". He believes no additional work or effort or time is required to keep her around. For those fellas reading this, if this is your mind set you are mistaken. The time effort and energy continues in order to keep the relationship vital and alive and well.

So what are your man's true feelings for you? He may "love" you, although not be in love with you. He may be "in like with you". Both of these have profound and intense meanings attached to them, yet there is no "chemistry" between the two people involved for there to be a romantic involvement. This is where having a "best friend" comes into the discussion. A person can have two best friends--one male and one female. These are people that become very very close to us and that we may even share secrets we would not even tell our spouses, yet there is a definite line in the sand, and, there is/are no chemistry, pheromones, or sparks.

People (men especially) become complacent and comfortable with relationships and just take them for granted. If this describes your man, even though he may truly be "in love" with you, his lack of attention as well as his lack of action are letting you both down. Tired or not, busy or not, a relationship is a partnership and requires his input. Negotiate something that the two of you can embrace and be happy about. Tell him what you need from him and ask what he requires from you.

I gather from your story that you are no longer living together. If you do, he is responsible for many of the household chores and he should also know and understand what it means to you that he takes it upon himself to do them. If you are not living together, I'm sure you can find similar relationship maintenance matters that he can and should take under his wing.

If he is in love with you, your relationship can be repaired, presuming there is nothing wrong with his libido. On the other hand, if his libido is OK, just not being used, then I would question how he feels about you. If the pheromones and sparks are not flying, it may be that he is not in love with you. If this is the situation, then you must decide whether you like spending time with a friend rather than a lover. It may be time to move on. Talk to him and learn where his head is. It may be that he is long over do for a physical exam. Perhaps he needs his hormone levels checked. What is his masturbation history? Does he do it regularly, frequently, often, not so?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Your relationship is NOT good or perfect or even anywhere CLOSE.

You have basically talked yourself into staying with a selfish, jealous man and think oooh this is ssoo great - except he doesn't find me attractive and he never initiates sex. And you are willing to have sex with someone who finds you eeeehh bearable - at least I don't have to put a paperbag over her head????

Honey - you have wasted 4 years of your life - DON'T waste anymore.

Get yourself out there and find a man who sweats bullets just at the sight of you! One who loses the power of speech if you wink at him!! Get the idea?

Stop settling for anything less!!

Think of what your life will be like:

1. after 30 years of enduring this crap and having kids, taxes, work as well.
2. after he finds someone who really DOES make him sweat bullets and he dumps you for her.
3. you find someone who is really just THAT into you but you're still hitched to this loser and your dream man moves on leaving you with this lump you call your boyfriend.

OH joy abounds...NOT.

That's not a relationship - that's a prison. Ditch him.