Am I wrong?

[Rouge]

Posted this in the above sub-forum...as I'm not sure where it fits exactly. Old-ish FWB relationship. Mods, if you have certain crieria for each forum..if tyou could delete one of these

My partner and I have been together for a while now, and recently we've been fighting to no end. In our most recent fight (currently progressing) we've reached one of those ugly calms where you can feel the tension off of everything.

How it started: I got a call at around 3am from him while he was drunk asking for a bj. That wasn't a problem. The problem was: he was surrounded by people whom I've known for quite a while. My friends have no real idea of my activities unless I discuss it with them, but they do know that this is a "Fuck buddy" arrangement. I was very mad the next morning once I thought about it, as it felt like I'd been demeaned. We're good friends, but he hasn't treated me like a slut ever. The question I got from him was basically "Heey, I'll be in the area tomorrow, want me to stop by so you can suck my cock?", in this room full of people who know me.

I expressed that I disliked what had happened, and the response I got was "get off your high horse". I want him to aknowledge what made me mad, and why I was mad about it. Instead of having any kind of understanding on his part, I find myself once again apologizing when i feel like I've done nothing wrong.

Was I wrong to be mad about the situation?

[Ephemera]

No.

I think I'd be mad, too.

A good lover is a discrete lover, eh?

Tell him if he isn't willing to respect the rules of your arrangement, then he isn't ready to keep the benefits of it.

That should shut him up.

[Rouge]

hahaha indeed. I had sent him a message much earlier today telling him that all bets would be off if he ever did it again, and what I got was "So you can text/call whenever you want for dick, but I call for a bj and cross the line!?". It makes me realize that the situation really isn't understood. Considering just breaking off contact if he keeps it up. Problem being that he's absolutely delicious in bed.

[dancingdoc2]

The inconsiderate ill mannered fella is letting his true colors show. After explaining yourself to him and how you felt, I would have hung the phone up with finality. You do not treat a woman in this way, nor her him. Where did he leave his manners? To pretend that your mutual friends were not within earshot is also disrespectful and inconsiderate. I wonder, was he hoping to score points with them at your expense?

I'll leave it at this and not even get into the fighting aspect except to say there is a right way to go about it and what you two are doing is not it.

[Rouge]

I know what you mean about the fighting issue, It's kind of like smacking my head into a wall sometimes. Other times he's completley open and willing to listen. Sigh.

[funinthesun]

He is very immature and Doc pointed out some important aspects. In my experience, every time someone followed something with 'but they're so good in bed', they were in a poor relationship. It is infinitely easier to work with someone towards terrific sex than it is to form a bond and relationship with both partners on the same level. I think it's silly for people to be willing to put up with all the hassle, frustration, and pain of poor compatibility with another in regards to personal interests, goals, maturity, and criteria for happiness for someone who is very satisfying in bed from the start.

You're what, 20? There are so many people out there for you to choose from that would jump at the chance to be with a girl who truly enjoyed sex and knew what she wanted. You'll run into some who are intimidated that will frustrate you but there are plenty who are seemingly dull in day to day activities who would work nonstop to blow your mind once the clothes come off. If there's a good bond, then mistakes aren't a big deal and end up being something to laugh about down the road after you've left each other in drooling heaps unable to form words on the bed.

No, you're not wrong. I would get rid of him or at the very least, firmly say what Ephemera mentioned and then choose what to do on his reaction.

[Dbondjuk]

I honestly don't understand the whole, FWB factor that people do. I don't think I ever will. People obviously will get treated like crap from them on occasion, yet it doesn't surprise me that the guy would say that in front of all these people you both know. I mean, he was obviously trying to look like hes the coolest thing in the world because his friends are around. Whether it was a degrading statement or not, what does he have to care about, you are only a FWB to him and nothing more. I don't get it and this isn't my subject lol. All I can say is good luck and don't let people walk all over you, especially if you do that FWB stuff.

[Rouge]

Strange turn of events....

Last night I went to a friends place to talk to her about it (she's great for getting me built up enough to ditch someone) her partner was home (she's homosexual, they're lipstick lesbians, so to speak) and somehow I ended up as the subject of a threesum. I ended up liking it more than anything I've done with guys, and am questioning things right now.

[shaved bi]

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. I am and I enjoy every minute of it. Especially when I am with a group.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - I answered the other one - but which is it? FWB or fuckbuddy?
The man's a LOUT - after that - you need no further information.
Louts are ok for fuckbuddy status but NOT for FWB status.

NEXT - "somehow" we all ended up in a 3some?? What are you? 13? Either you wanted sex or you didn't. Stop running and hiding as if your sexuality was something that requires covering up. EMBRACE your sexuality. EXPLORE it and REJOICE in it. But never again "somehow", or "if it was meant to be" or "one thing led to another" - be so damn mealy mouth, wishy-washy, "I'm only 13" about sex again.

Have I made my point yet?

NEXT - this man is a lout, fine. We have determined that but why do you automatically assume that ALL men are? That's stupid. Just as stupid is thinking ALL women are going to be wonderful lovers just because they're female. They aren't.

When it is sex - it is on a person by person basis.

Stop relying upon other persons to tell you if this guy/relationship is right for you. Learn to recognise that even asking the question indicates that you should be seriously considering moving on. Happy, fulfilling relationships leave no room for doubt. You have 'radar' use it and trust it.