unsure

[carolynn]

I recently discovered that my husband put an ad on a site looking for people who are interested in cd/ ts, ( I think that means crossdressing and transsexual) It caught me off guard and now I am wondering if that means he is gay or bi or maybe just curious. He was getting many replies but I do not know if he has done anything. Can someone tell me if that is what cd/ts stands for?

[dlb]

It doesn't mean anything other than he is interested in transvestism. He might be a closet cross dresser. He might be bisexual. He might not. Maybe you should ask him.
I happen to know several transvestites. None are gay, one is bisexual, the rest are just straight men who get off on wearing women's clothing.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually you and your husband need to discuss his needs and desires. I'm sure he is worried about how you would react, how you would see him - "less of a man" - and worries that this might destroy your marriage.

All of his concerns are valid.

It is up to you to decide if this is a deal-breaker/marriage-wrecker for you or not.

Actually, all it means is he likes to wear women's clothing every now and again. Well, you wear men's blue jeans, t-shirts, and sweats - so - shrug.

Select nuetral territory - kitchen table - and discuss it with him AFTER you have decided how you feel about this and what you intend to do - stay or divorce.

[carolynn]

Thank you for replying, maybe I am overreacting. He does not dress up but I know he is interested in other males that do, he has showed me porn on the internet that contains shemales. All of this just took me by surprise. A little over 2 years ago he left me while I was ill and moved in with his mistress which he had been with for several months. I am still trying to move on and trust him again. Maybe Im just afraid he will be unfaitful again.

[Brandye]

If he were not curious, he would not be looking. Evil, above, has the proper approach. First, you decide what you can be comfortable with and then sit down for a long chat. Perhaps a counselor would be a good idea as a referee. This has high potential for getting out of control.

[EvilEvilKitten]

He moved in with his mistress while you were ill?

Frankly - I would have washed my hands of him at that moment.
Husbands are supposed to stand by thier wives and he didn't.
So how long are you going to let this "all about him" continue?

Counseling sounds good.

[carolynn]

I am unable to work right now and I have to go in for more surgery next month, I will hopefully be back up and able to do more soon and then I can tell him to shape up or get out. I just have to get back to work first. We tried counsling before but he stopped going. He just cannot stay away from other women. I have been ill for the last few years and he claims that he gets lonely but thats no excuse.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"He cannot stay away from other women" - oh! one of those.

Since he refuses to address his issues - this is not your fault - and he expects you to accept what to you is unacceptable, then yes, divorce is your best option.

[Dbondjuk]

In my opinion, if he can't even stay with you and be loyal enough to you while you are going through a tough time, I'd say forget him. Kick him to the streets and see how he likes that. It's one thing to be bored or unhappy during your downtime, but to do it like that and then make excuses is unacceptable. Just let him go be gay or what ever it is he is trying to do. Nothing hits you harder then a slap of reality to the face.