Help with how long it lasts...

[lovinsexmac]

I have a question for anyone who can answer. Ever since me and my boyfriend have been together, no matter how often we have sex he only lasts around 6 minutes when we are having intercourse. I'm getting frustrated with this because the sex is really REALLY good, but I want it to last longer and even though he doesn't come out and say it, he shows me that he is embarassed that he doesn't last longer and he doesn't like it either. Can anyone tell me why this happens and/or how to fix it or at least make it better?? Thanks.

[dlb]

6 minutes is within the "average" time frame. You might want to include more foreplay. If during coitus you change positions from time to time you slow down the pace of thrusting or stop it momentarily. This will give him some a quick rest from the delicious feeling thrusting and allow him to last longer. Many men stay erect even after ejaculation if only for a while. He can continue thrusting after ejaculation. If he reaches orgasm and loses his erection continue with some other sexual activity until he gets hard again.

[lovinsexmac]

I didn't know that it was in the "average" time frame. We usually do have a lot of foreplay before sex but there are times that we are so turned on that we just want to have some great sex. When that time comes we will go slow, fast, change positions but it still doesn't matter, he goes fast. It makes me feel good that he goes so fast, but it also makes me sad because we both want to enjoy it more.

[dlb]

Repeat after me: Sex and lovemaking do not have to end just because the male reaches orgasm.
If he climaxes and looses his erection just continue with some other sensual sexual activity. There is much more to sex than wham bam snore! I bet if you look around the site you can pick up some ideas. Also use your imagination!

[dancingdoc2]

Here is a link to an article listed in the Index:

Squeeze & Training Exercise for Controlling Premature Ejaculation

You may want to read some of the other articles, also.

Six minutes is quite normal. Women often report that if intercourse lasts longer than ten minutes they become SORE, bored, and tired. If you want intercourse and lovemaking to last longer, break up intercourse into several shorter segments. Doing so will let a couple be able to make love for hours yet not tire or become sore from lots and lots and lots of stroking. You do not suffer from Premature Ejaculation--that would be within the first minute, so anything longer is simply an untimely event. Either way the fixes are the same: Masturbation prior to; the Squeeze technique; learning control thru the exercise described in the article.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So wait 15 minutes and do it again!!!

What are you two - one trick ponies??
A bit of sex and then it's "let's do lunch sometime. Have your people call my people."??? Or as dlb put it "wham bam snore."???

Please refer to The Program thread above.

[mikkiji]

"one trick ponies..." Haha, very good! Having sex (or even "Making Love") is indeed not one event, but a progression of feelings, techniques, positions and physical acts, some performed sequentially, some simultaneously. Foreplay and arousal might take five, ten or 20 minutes, or up to over an hour, and finish with intercourse, or finish with orgasm but no intercourse, or even end with both partners just cuddling and holding and dozing off (especially us old folks!) Following foreplay, IF intercourse follows (either before or after one or more climaxes by one or both partners during foreplay), then we go with the flow--perhaps only 5 or 10 minutes of penis/vagina thrusting prior to more orgasms, but perhaps 20 or 40 minutes or maybe an hour or more of penetration, while changing positions every so often to keep excitement both building and heightened for both partners. So if the guy climaxes before the woman (or before she's finished with her LAST one!), then keep going--that's the perfect time for the guy to go down on her and finish things that way--after a half hour of foreplay and intercourse, five or ten minutes of cunnilingus is ofter the perfect finishing touch for her. And often, that will get the guy hard again and things can continue on from there. IF you both want to keep going, then KEEP GOING! It's not rocket science, it's sex--we know how to "do it." Just do it--and keep doing it!
Michael

[Brandye]

Evil has the correct answer. If he is right back to it, no problem.

In interview research WITH WOMEN, the question was "How long did your last coitus (penis in the vagina) last?" The responses ran between 3-13 minutes. There were some immediate ejaculation and some that ran way too ong, but most responses were in that range. Sounds like he is right in the center of the group.

Any guy who is still pumping in me after twenty minutes ends up on the floor.

[lovinsexmac]

I appreciate the advice but I don't feel like anyone is really understanding this. We do have foreplay sometimes hours of it before, and we do change positions often so that he doesn't finish too fast, but the problem is even with all that and changing positions he finishes right before I'm climaxing. We love foreplay and do it often, and my ultimate finish is sex with him, that will give me the best orgasm. It seems like right as he's getting ready to cum as he starts pulsating that's when my orgasm builds up before it releases, but he's cums so fast that I'm just in the middle of the climax and don't get to fully release it. He will try to as soon as he finishes finger me to get me to orgasm but it's not the same for me. What would have done it is the sex. I guess the issue isn't really anything we can do about because if he switched positions in that moment I would lose the orgasm and so would he. When he's about to orgasm is when I do so I guess I just need to find another way to push my orgasm faster while he's achieving his.
I wasn't saying that I wanted to have sex for twenty minutes or so because that would leave me sore and tired, but I would like it to go at least 12 minutes or so. It's just that it's soo good we both want it to last longer, because when he finishes a lot of times he can't keep going. He says that it's too sensitive and sometimes that it's sore.

Anyways, thanks for the advice. Oh and Evil, not trying to be rude, in my reply to dlb I said that we have foreplay and that we do switch positions and pace all the time. Anyways, thanks.

[dancingdoc2]

> I don't feel like anyone is really understanding this. We do have foreplay sometimes hours of it before, ...but the problem is even with all that and changing positions he finishes right before I'm climaxing.

It would have helped had you said this in your original post. This is totally different than what you stated.

Very few sexual positions place a woman's pieces-parts in constant contact with the man's pubic mound in order to create the needed friction to build and then trigger an orgasm. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and stimulate his partner's clitoris by hand while stroking. Try that.

A few decades ago, it was all the rage for a couple to try and achieve "simultaneous orgasms". Well, try as everybody did, this usually did not work well. There are only a few positions that offer the needed ongoing contact. Here are three:

1. Woman Superior (Cowgirl)
2. "X"
3. "Y"
The difference between 2 & 3 are in the positioning of the legs. Both people lie on their sides facing each other yet at somewhat of an angle. In the first the legs cross; in the second all four pretty are pretty much together.

I recommend clicking on the site's Home Page and then going to the links for all of the illustrated animated sexual positions and looking at them.

Etiquette dictates that a man should help his partner achieve an orgasm, first, then last. In between he/they/we can climax as many times as desired and in any time frame. It is nice when multiple orgasms can be close together, although this is not necessary. During your boyfriend's refractory period in which his body recoups and regroups from the previous climax, use this time to continue making out and to have one or more additional orgasms. You most likely can enjoy many; him not so much--usually two to four depending upon age and drive.

Please go to the Index at the top of the main screen and read up on all this stuff. There are many helpful articles.

> right as he's getting ready to cum as he starts pulsating that's when my orgasm builds up before it releases, but he's cums so fast that I'm just in the middle of the climax and don't get to fully release it. He will try to as soon as he finishes finger me to get me to orgasm but it's not the same for me.

OK, well, if my suggestion, above, is not the best for you, try having him continue to stroke or thrust those last few seconds even though he is or has just ejaculated. He should be able to continue just long enough for you to reach a climax. The extra stroking should trigger your orgasm.

Try this and let us know what happens, or does not happen. We may be able to give more recommendations based upon the latest information from you.