I have no idea what's going on...

[Nothing to do but wait]

Here's the story.
My girlfriend and I have been together going on three years. I'm 23, she's 21; our relationship has been had over a good bit of distance to boot. We started dating and the sex was great, we broke up because neither of us were ready for a relationship, we got back together a few months later and still it was fantastic. She then left for Australia for 6 months; during these six months I was only in contact with her through internet communications, and phone once or twice.
We talked often about sex (among other things, of course) and how we missed each other and how great it would be to be back together, and in the summer when she did return it was really fabulous... For about two weeks.
This was about a year and a half ago. Six months later, I went to Mexico for three months, and again, we talked about sex frequently but she became shy and embarrassed when we were back together. I'm not inexperienced, and she less so than I; however, we each have our sexual quirks. I have a problem receiving oral because of an incident that involved a very painful bite. Before her trip to Australia, she was uninhibited and excited about sex, and I could hardly believe my luck. After she got back she was changed. I thought it was culture shock and it would pass, but that was July of 2007 and it still hasn't.
She's since promised many things sexually that she hasn't delivered on, and recently (six months or so) she's become seriously withdrawn about sex and is very difficult to talk to. Over this past summer we finally began saying "I love you", and again, for a few weeks after, the sex was great. Before my Mexico trip I brought up anal sex and she was mortified; I was embarrassed as hell and couldn't talk about sex for weeks.
But I've done things for her that I've never done before. She's asked me to masturbate for her and I've done so. She asked me to strip for her on a web cam when we were continents apart, and despite my shyness, I did it. She only had public internet access so she couldnt but she promised she would, yet when I was in Mexico and asked her to in the privacy of her own room, she refused. I got over it, even though she had promised it, because I assumed she was shy and uncomfortable.
I used to loathe giving head because it was unpleasant to me, but she reacted so well to it that it's now something that I love to do, and would actually be totally fine going down on her for hours and ending without any sexual gratification of my own. But I've grown more interested in overcoming my phobia about receiving, and she's said she'll try to help me, but she has on numerous occasions stopped midway through because she dislikes it. I feel so slighted and ashamed that she wont finish... She actually stopped midway through last time and sat up pouting saying that she disliked it so much because I wasn't directing her properly or letting her know I enjoyed it.
Now she's become self conscious about her body, and while I have no problem with her and try repeatedly to tell her how beautiful she is... It's just not helping. We've tried repeatedly to have conversations about it but they almost all end with her saying that she just isn't comfortable talking about it with me.
I don't get it. I don't try to push it on her. I don't force anything upon her. I respect her boundaries as far as I can tell, and when she tells me to quit doing something I quit. I used to be incredibly self conscious about my body and wouldn't let her see me naked in the light for the first month or two of our relationship; now I feel comfortable walking around in the nude without a problem, and she has become just the opposite. She says she's uncomfortable being naked which directly effects our sex life, but she also says she's uncomfortable and indifferent about sex in general. She won't do anything sexually for or to me, and she won't let me do anything for her either. We had sex once in December and once at the beginning of January.
I don't know what to do. She hasn't been regular in regards to sex since before her trip to Australia. I love her, I really do, but there will be times when we wont have any sexual contact for weeks at a time, sometimes only once every month and a half. I feel aroused constantly by her, I love her body and she turns me on more than I've ever been turned on. She is (and if this is a cliche I dont care) the most beautiful woman in the world, but she refuses to listen to me when I tell her. I've tried being a romantic, I've tried being stern, I've tried listening but she just wont say anything. I don't want to end it, I just want some advice.
I'm sorry that this post is so damn long for being a first-time poster, but it's actually affecting me. I can't sleep because I'm worried about it, I want her but she doesn't want me, it's confusing as all get out and it's not bleedin fair in my opinion but that's why I'm asking for yours.
Thanks in advance!

[Browser]

There is something else going on. How can we tell you what's happening since none of us know her? If you have concerns or questions, you have to talk to the one person who knows the answers: her. Communicate, but remember it's a two-way street.

[Nothing to do but wait]

I completely agree, it is impossible to truly discover what's going on without communication, but all of my attempts have failed. I'm not going for coercion or anything like that, I just want to know if anyone has any similar problems or any ideas on how to progress further. It's getting increasingly difficult to get her to open up to me, and while I'm not willing to just simply end the relationship, I AM willing to let her go if it would be better for the both of us in the long run. I've been as open and honest as I can be but I still feel like she's hiding something from me... And she will neither confirm nor deny that.

[odis85]

i have often felt that my gf (at the time) was holding things back from me. in truth she was but it wasn't the way i expected it. something bad would happen to her that day and she would just try so hard to put it behind her that i could see how upset she was... so it bothered me because she wouldn't talk (and because i could tell something was wrong but she wouldn't talk about it). she was getting more upset that i couldn't just forget about it and as you can see the problem fed itself for 3 months when i finally broke up with her. i dont think i will ever find out what was truly bothering her. your situation may be something similar although i would hope not.

[Nothing to do but wait]

Yeah I've noticed that that does sometimes seem to be the case... She seems upset and refuses to answer questions about it, but if I let it drop then she sometimes gets over it after a good night's sleep.
The most infuriating part is that I know something is seriously wrong, but I can't fix it. I love fixing things, from simple problems with computers to complex problems with people, but for the life of me, this is constantly escaping me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Something terrible happened to her in Australia and she's not dealing with it very well. Sometimes, people cannot speak about something even when that's the way to "fix" the problem. Perhaps a kind of rape? No one can say until she talks. So the question is - how to make her comfortable enough to talk to you.

Bear hug and quietly say that you love her and are there for her when she's ready to talk about it. Then do not mention it again. Ignore her promises "to deliver" by saying "we'll see" and give her hug or something friendly like a smile. Absolutely no pressure. Do NOT try to "fix it" - you can't. Your job is to LISTEN and ONLY to LISTEN to her.

Ignore her when she's upset but not talking. Pay attention to her moods ONLY if she's talking about it.

For a time. If at the end of 6 months and she's still not talking to you- you will have to decide if she is still the woman you want. A man can only wait so long for the lady to "step-up".

[Ephemera]

I agree with everything EEK said.

[Nothing to do but wait]

Thank you... That's about the most helpful anyone has said to me. That's kinda been my suspicion as well, but I've just not been able to confront her about it. It's about the only course of action I think could warrant any sort of positive response, and I'm glad to hear someone else say it.
Wish me luck!
I'll be around here a little more often.