Is it cheating?

[Buck Naked]

In this world of ever advancing technology, the opportunities to discreetly search out individuals for relationships outside your marriage seems to be endless. My wife and I discussed it the other day and we agreed that the second you go onto a matchmaking site with the intention of meeting someone you've already crossed the line into "cheater". To us that seems pretty cut and dry. The one that seemed to be a shade of grey was the sites with the webcams. I'll explain more...

There was one site I was on that people and couples share their sessions on a webcam for anyone to see. Some guys and girls masturbate, some couples regularly have sex while the camera's on. It's pretty anomymous and we don't see a problem with watching these exhibitionists as any more of a problem than watching porn. The one we couldn't define was when these public broadcasts become one on one. If John Doe was to say hook up with another female on a private webcam chat that has sexual acts taking place, would that be considered cheating? We talked back and forth with the agruments for and against it being cheating and I was hoping for some other opinions.

I guess the topic came up when a friend of my wife had her husband leave her and she found out later that he had signed up on a matchmaking site and had been exchanging e-mails with those he had been matched with.

Any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated and if you have any other technology based cheating stories to share that would be good too.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Buck Naked

In this world of ever advancing technology, the opportunities to discreetly search out individuals for relationships outside your marriage seems to be endless.

This should tell you something.

My wife and I discussed it the other day and we agreed that the second you go onto a matchmaking site with the intention of meeting someone you've already crossed the line into "cheater".

Agreed.

To us that seems pretty cut and dry. The one that seemed to be a shade of grey was the sites with the webcams. I'll explain more...

There was one site I was on that people and couples share their sessions on a webcam for anyone to see. Some guys and girls masturbate, some couples regularly have sex while the camera's on. It's pretty anomymous and we don't see a problem with watching these exhibitionists as any more of a problem than watching porn.

Agreed; however, I believe full disclosure is the better part of maintaining a happy home-life.

The one we couldn't define was when these public broadcasts become one on one. If John Doe was to say hook up with another female on a private webcam chat that has sexual acts taking place, would that be considered cheating?

I say "yes"; however, I suppose it depends upon how your partnership defines it. Once viewing goes beyond voyeurism, then you enter the realm of cheating, in my never to be so humble opinion.

We talked back and forth with the agruments for and against it being cheating and I was hoping for some other opinions.

Asked and answered.

I guess the topic came up when a friend of my wife had her husband leave her and she found out later that he had signed up on a matchmaking site and had been exchanging e-mails with those he had been matched with.

Read: "cheating".

Any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated and if you have any other technology based cheating stories to share that would be good too.

My definition of cheating is when one partner seeks social, emotional, and/or sexual satisfaction not provided within the marriage/relationship with a third person and the other partner is not initially aware of the activity. It matter little how the exchange takes place be it in person, telephone, texting, E-mail, blogs, web sites, etc., et cetera, etc.

[odis85]

imho... anything involving another person that could be describe as sexual that you would not tell your significant other about is cheating period..

[wet_suit_one]

What if you're looking for someone to watch the big game with and have beers. Your wife isn't so much into that. Is that cheating?

I thought cheating only involved the opposite sex, not so much seeking mere "social" satisfaction. Beers with buddies is social satisfaction isn't it?

I'm just saying....

As for sexual cheating, what if my hand is a better lover than my wife and more satisfaction is obtained that way? Is that cheating? I am being serious here, so serious responses would be appreciated. What if I can't get the satisfaction I have with my hand from my wife? Does that mean I'm unfit for marriage? Thoughts appreciated.

Cheers!

[odis85]

Originally Posted by wet_suit_one

I thought cheating only involved the opposite sex, not so much seeking mere "social" satisfaction. Beers with buddies is social satisfaction isn't it?

I'm just saying....

As for sexual cheating, what if my hand is a better lover than my wife and more satisfaction is obtained that way? Is that cheating? I am being serious here, so serious responses would be appreciated. What if I can't get the satisfaction I have with my hand from my wife? Does that mean I'm unfit for marriage? Thoughts appreciated.

a lesbian could cheat on her mate with another women

and good questions... my only thought is could you cheat on someone with yourself? im thinking not and there is a post on here about it...

http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_mastlad.shtml

"Since masturbation is seen as a "solo" activity, some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them to masturbate. If they have a partner, it is believed that their sexual activities with them should fulfil all their sexual needs. While a nice ideal, in real life a lot of women's sexual needs are not met fully by their partner, no matter how good and loving a partner they have. For women with partners, it is important that they understand that it is perfectly healthy and normal for them to masturbate, and they should do so without feeling guilty. For many women the frequency with which they masturbate should not change when they go from being single to having a sexual partner. Some women may find they masturbate even more when they have a partner, as having a partner makes them feel more sexual, and increases their desire for sex and sexual pleasure."

[dancingdoc2]

This is an excellent reply; however, you have omitted the "why".

The "why" of masturbating within a relationship is simple yet not understood by many (young) women because-
A. of the differences in how each gender views their sexuality
B. there are two aspects of this male activity; first, as a stress
and sexual tension reducer; second, for the pure enjoyment of it

...and then there is this:

What are the effects of masturbation happening everyday for a few years including cumming?

Isn't cumming the point?

Here is a copy of a reply I posted in November: {2006)

"For both boys and girls, learning to masturbate to climax helps establish the connections between the millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and the pleasure center in the brain. It is a natural part of our maturation. Mother Nature gives us the pleasure center in the brain, the nerve endings, and, the autonomic nervous system that transmits the signals back and forth, yet through some twist of evolution the connects are not established. Practice is how this is accomplished. Boys do this rather matter-of-factly right out of puberty while girls often begin later, if at all.

So, the main reason a girl should masturbate is to transmute from a pre-orgasmic entity into an orgasmic being.

Other benefits to masturbating to climax are:
a) stress relief
* sexual
* emotional
* physical

b) as an aid to falling asleep

c) relieving menstrual cramps

d) strengthens the body's immune system and helps
build resistance to common infections

e) stimulates the body to release mood elevating endorphins

f) reduces yeast infections

g) strengthens the pelvic muscles

h) masturbation provides an excellent cardiovascular workout!

i) increases sexual self awareness"

...and in a follow-up post, noting that masturbation is also "FUN"!

How many of the above are also beneficial for the male of the species?

[sexuallysatisfied]

My definition of cheating is when one partner seeks social, emotional, and/or sexual satisfaction not provided within the marriage/relationship with a third person and the other partner is not initially aware of the activity. It matter little how the exchange takes place be it in person, telephone, texting, E-mail, blogs, web sites, etc., et cetera, etc.

I completely agree with this. My husband sought emotional attention from a female co worker and it hurt me just as bad if they would have had sex. He had things he said he could not tell me about finances for fear I would not understand or possiboly divorce him over it. I was completely crushed by this. It took a lon time to to get over this with me admitting he had a point and hi saying he was sorry and understoodhow I would be so hurt by this.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why are you asking us this question? Do you seek validation for your definition of 'cheating'?
Because, frankly, I don't share your viewpoint.

If you two are secure in your love for eachother, then nothing - not even 'cheating' (dreadful expression) - should do any harm at all.

We are all inperfect. We all have our issues, virtues and flaws. Either you love him/her as he/she is right here and right now or you don't. If you do, then stop being silly and insecure. If you don't, then divorce. It really is just that simple.

So, for me the very idea of 'cheating' does not even exist.

What I see from the previous posts is nothing more than injured pride, small hearts, and bruised egos.

Remember, you did ask.

[odis85]

o.0 have you never been cheated on evilevilkitten?

[EvilEvilKitten]

How can I be 'cheated' on if I don't believe that 'cheating' exists?

Now to answer the questions you should have asked.

Has a man preferred another over me - yes, of course.
Have I been hurt by a lover - yes, of course.
Have I been 'left in the lurch', 'stood up', and 'kicked in the teeth' - yes, of course.
Have I had my ego bruised, my heart wrenched, and my pride debased - yes, of course.

And yet - somehow - I live, I love, and life is one glorious party!

Because men have preferred me over another.
Because I have hurt lovers.
Because I too have done unto others what I should not have.

Through it all you grow to be bigger, kinder, stronger, and more loving than you ever thought possible. My life is incredibly rich although I too am inperfect and am likely to remain inperfect as is everyone else.

Your definitions of life and love are far too narrow.