So am I right or wrong.

[sarah_rsl]

One thing I've always tried to do is follow the advice a friend once gave me and not mess with the sex in a relationship. You know turning it off and on like a tap or not making the effort when the guy does.

Anywho I mentioned in another thread that a few days ago I did something special for hubby sexually, and posting it on here got me thinking about other aspects of our sex life.

Hubby works into the early morning maybe every two weeks. So for quite a while now we've got into a routine that I'll give him oral sex when he gets in.He's usually quite tightly wound and I like doing it for him, he'd prefer regular sex but typically after just waking up I'm not in the mood.

So last night I was thinking about something in part provoked by posting on here. In that he never asks me to do it I always just do it unprompted.

So last night I decided that I wanted him to ask me before I'd do it. So after he got into bed we chatted and snogged a little when he was obviously hard it was usually the point where I'd do my thing.

So rather than be coy about it I flat out told him that I wanted him to ask me to do it. He replied that If I didn't want to he didn't expect to, So I said how would he know if he didn't ask me.

I asked if he was embarressed he said no but then I asked if I should be embarressed by doing it. When we first me he had some negative attitudes to oral sex.

He wasn't really rising to my bait but nor was he going to ask me to do it. He said he enjoyed and appreciated me doing it but that he'd prefer we make love normally and that it wasn't something that he was comfortable asking me to do. I tried to tell him that I'd say no if I didn't feel like it but asking was no harm.

We've had this conversation before about him being reluctant to ask me to do stuff and me somehow needing to psychic, he took it on board I think but just said that this wasn't normal sex it was a routine we had going.

Anywho being a completely soft touch, not wanting to go to bed on bad sorts and since I'd pretty much woken up, I slid over and we had normal sex, cuddled for a while and then went to bed.

He came home for lunch this afternoon with flowers, he knows I like to have sex during the day and we do on occassion. He'd not fond of having sex outside of the bedroom but he knows I love it so he surprised me he stopped on the stairs. So he did make a special effort but as for asking me to do stuff for him I don't think he's going to budge.

So am I just being a silly moo, should I respect his boundaries or do I have a point.

[Brandye]

Both. You have a point and you should respect his boundaries.

This, however, is not a boundary it is a self imposed limit of his. He needs to give as much as anyone.

[odis85]

brandye is right... but i am missunderstanding the desire to have him ask... theres nothing wrong with it im just curious. is it because you wish to feel that he wants it and that its not just something you do? you want to know he apreciates you? both? neither? if i hit it on one of those 2 ideas you may want to tell him that... he can't read your mind either so its important that neither of you hold back any thoughts or emotions..

[wet_suit_one]

Hmmm... Women sure are different. I'm not even clear if or what the problem is from what I read. Were you just relating something, or is there actually a problem? It sounded like to me that sex happened, everyone was happy, but then someone (yes, that's you OP), thought up some problem just 'cause. Or am I being an ass? If so how? Things seemed to work so well...

Honestly, I'll never understand the fairer sexed members of our species....

Sigh....

[odis85]

i really dont feel that either sex is more-fair than the other... to me men are just better with things like math and women seem to be either equal or better at everything else as long as they have the agressive mind set that men approach things with.

my little sister and i have played soccer since we were 5 years old and we both have the talent that is 'home grown'. however she always beat out every other member on the field because she was so much more aggressive; she never hesitated, never thought twice, and she inspired hesitation in her opponents. when you watched her play it was like watching a 16 year old play with 13 year olds. the other players just never knew what to do about her, but i was not able to take similar advantages. i had to exploit my opponents flaws which was less fruitful than what she did even though we had identical styles of play.

[dlb]

I, like wet_suit_one, a confused as to what the problem is. I think you want him to ask for sex, but he feels uncomfortable or awkward doing it. I am another man who prefers that sex be offered without my having to ask. I can ask and I can order and I can suggest, just prefer it be offered. If he is accustomed to you always giving him sex, especially BJs, you should expect him to be perplexed when out of the blue you tell him you want him to ask for what he wants. Obviously you feel that it is important to you that you be asked. Now he knows. I don't think it should be a problem.

[sexuallysatisfied]

Okay I am new here again. But it seems that ( and this is just my opinion) you are must more comfortable with sex and he is a bit shy. I understand if this is about dominance. I want my husband to ask me or perhaps at times to beg for me to do something for him that way I know he really likes it and is really wanting it. I love being dominant to him but also like him being dominant as well. Maybe this is what is going on and I have no clue how to give any advice on bringing him out of his shell of shyness. Good luck.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If I'm reading this correctly, He does not like to ask you to do fellatio out of some idea that you might feel pressured. This seems odd because if you did not like doing it, you wouldn't. So where did he get the idea of "pressure"?

Let me ask you, do you push him to do things? Not only sexual, but other things as well? Do you ask him to try something new, to go somewhere different, to update his wardrobe, etc.? If so, how frequently do you ask him?

I ask because he may be transferring his feelings about being asked to do things onto you esp. if he does not like being asked. He's feeling pressured so he thinks you would also feel pressured.

But, really, if it isn't broken stop trying to fix it.