Hubby’s embarressed by my lack of pubes

[sarah_rsl]

Sorry for the rather vulgar title but it accurately sums up this little weird incident pretty accurately. I've been on this forum for a while now and I decided I'd take advantage of the anonymity of the net to ask for opinions on the only proper argument hubby and I ever had. It's something I've only mentioned to one friend in real life and she was mainly interested in reassuring and trying to calm me down.

Anywho here's what happened in all the painful detail, over a year ago I bought my sister in law and her equally chubby friend to the gym in an effort to get in good with the in laws.

I just wore a track suit to the gym and wasn't wearing any underwear, cause my work out kit was there and I had a clean set to wear after. my sister in law had ignored what I asked them to do and just come in tracksuits.

So they stand their looking at me in the changing room while I'm getting changed. Then she starts lecturing me about needing to wear a bra while I've got my sports bra in my hand. I'm the very model of patience. At that stage it hadn't occurred to me that I also shave my pubes and don't have a tan line.

Anywho The workout didn't go so well mainly because she was lazy and couldn't understand the need to get your heart rate up and sweat rather than bimbling on the thread mill and watching the tv.Although her friend in fairness was more interested.

In the locker room afterwards my sister in law discovered the shower was open plan, and didn't want to be naked in front of other people, so I said fine I'd shower first then stand outside and ask everybody to wait. although her friend did shower with me.We were going to dinner afterwards and waiting to shower at home wasn't an option.

When i got out of the shower my in law was changing into her fresh clothes and i just flipped (i'd been the picture of calm up untill then) I told her she was walking home unless she showered and that she was getting into the shower. the words 'dirty minger' were mentioned

She started welling up and we had a bit of a barnie but she did agree to shower in the end, and i did stand outside asking people to wait.

anyway my hubby and I talked about it that night and i agreed to apologize, for a quite life, which I did.

A few days later my hubby mentions in passing about how he'd prefer if i didn't shave my pubes anymore, I put two and two together went schiz and hubby and I had our first proper arguement. I knew before that my shaving my pubes made him uncomfortable but we had the conversation and I though we had settled it.

So i was about to track down good old sis and remove her from the family tree ,but eventually calmed down. But she has a big mouth and with a smalle circle of family it didn't help my reputation any. I never actually confronted her about it after promising hubby that I wouldn't but what really annoyed me at the time is how he seemed to be slightly embarressed by me and how he agreed with his sister that my waxing my pubes was some overt sexual statement.

Anywho I'd welcome any opinions that people might have, I know it sounds stragne but this is genuinely the only proper arguement that I've ever had with my husband.

[Brandye]

Maybe your husband has some slight right to feel embarrassed - if you you walk down the street showing off. Otherwise, it is none of the rest of the family's business.

[summer_in_love]

Oh girl, I know where you are coming from with the in-laws and their big mouths lol chances are the fights you will have in the future will only come about because of some one elses interfering, particulary in-laws. But in all honestly his sisters reaction and big mouth about your pubes is ridiculous. and your hubby may only be ackward about you having a fully shaven area because it may remind him to much of a pre-puberty you lol Personaly my hubby loves a smooth area but he, like your hubby, doesnt like the pre-puberty look so I leave a thin "landing strip" at the top to satisfy the woman look he wants. That way theres not too much hair but just enough to reassure his imagination

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - Lesson One in how to stay married:

If whatever it is is:
a big deal to him but NOT to you - comply with his request
NOT a big deal to him but a big deal to you - he complies with your request.
if it isn't a big deal to either of you - pffft.
if it is a big deal to BOTH of you - then discuss your options and think - is it worth getting divorced over?

If it is worth getting divorced over then divorce.
If it isn't worth getting divorced over - then LET IT GO.

How to LET IT GO

Just ask yourself one question: As he is, right here, and right now - do you love him? If yes then focus upon that. And he does the same as regards you. Even if nothing changed, do you still love him? Would you still want to spend the rest of your life with that man even if this 'big deal item' remained annoying? Because if you can't accept him or her as he/she is - then there's no hope and it is best to get divorced now and accept that you did NOT in fact love him/her - fess up and face up.

Because if you're going to fail right out of the box like this - then you haven't got a hope in hell of making it to your 50th wedding anniversary.

Frankly, the only item on this list worth discussing (NOT arguing) is your sister-in-law's sexual hangups and her big self-righteous mouth. Now, if your husband was a proper husband, he would have told his sister off and not even mentioned it to you. Really, where were her manners?

His job as husband is to love, protect, defend, provide, and exasperate as appropriate. He's left them behind and is to bond with you against everyone else. So why didn't he do that?

That's the question you should be asking. Not something silly about your lack of pubic hair which makes you look like a kid but that's just my opinion - and maybe your husband's. I don't know what he said during this argument of yours. I just trim myself and my husband isn't going to let something as silly and small as pubic hair put him out.

[sarah_rsl]

Can I just state again this happened over a year ago, I'm a little bit embarressed by the whole thing to be honest. I've never really discussed it with people which is why I decided I'd take advantage of this forum and post it on here. I realise it sounds ridiculous but then.... that's life.

Incidently I've been married for coming up to two years and been with my hubby for four years, and this is the only serious arguement we've ever had, which again is why it stays such a prominent incident for me. Maybe I should pick a fight with him over something else just so I can relegate it.

Incidently as to why I shave my pubes it's just a habit I've formed. I joined the army at 16 and its just easier to keep yourself clean, when you don't have access to running water or a change a clothes. A couple of years ago I experiment with letting my pubes grow back, the first problem was that it came back like wire wool, instead of just running a razor over myself while i was doing my legs I had to trim it with a scissor it was just a hassle, and finally I just didn't like how I looked with it. None of my reasons had anything to do with sex.

[Ducy]

Sarah...you were in the right. Your sister in law is probably jealous that you have a gym bod and are confident enough to wax yourself.

It may not be a sexual reason for you, but in todays world waxing is seen as a "porn star" type action. What you should have done is walked up to the in-law, sat her down and said look, its really none of your business how I take care of my personal hygene, but since you seem to have to open your big mouth, I shave my pubes it's just a habit I've formed. I joined the army at 16 and its just easier to keep yourself clean, when you don't have access to running water or a change a clothes

Unlike you I actually try to take care of myself and stay fresh and clean by showering after I exercise. Perhaps we should go to the gym and after we can go to a family dinner again. You dont have to shower and when you stink of sweat and dirt, I can sit their and spread rumors stating that you dont like to shower because of some "sexual" reason just like I wax for some "sexual" reason.

[sarah_rsl]

Originally Posted by Ducy

Sarah...you were in the right. Your sister in law is probably jealous that you have a gym bod and are confident enough to wax yourself.

It may not be a sexual reason for you, but in todays world waxing is seen as a "porn star" type action. What you should have done is walked up to the in-law, sat her down and said look, its really none of your business how I take care of my personal hygene, but since you seem to have to open your big mouth, I shave my pubes it's just a habit I've formed. I joined the army at 16 and its just easier to keep yourself clean, when you don't have access to running water or a change a clothes

Unlike you I actually try to take care of myself and stay fresh and clean by showering after I exercise. Perhaps we should go to the gym and after we can go to a family dinner again. You dont have to shower and when you stink of sweat and dirt, I can sit their and spread rumors stating that you dont like to shower because of some "sexual" reason just like I wax for some "sexual" reason.

In the locker room I was mainly concerned with her not showering, I didn't realise she had even noticed my grooming its just not something that would have occured to me and she didn't say anything. I was pretty ahm.. pretty emphatic with her that she needed to shower and she kind of just broke down. It's what she does you can't argue with her, a year later there have been a dozen other things going on with her, you can't explain stuff to her she just starts crying.

Hubby is far more complicated, it made him uncomfortable and he was honest about that so I couldn't blame him. The first time he saw that I did wax, we'd been snogging in my room on camp, he was really nervous I could tell he didn't like me grabbing him sexually so I didn't. When he finally started rubbing me between my legs I decided to encourage him by undoing my trousers and pushing them down. At which point he bolted. You can tell what that did for my self esteem when your bf sees you crotch and decides to leave you with your trousers down around your ankles.

It came right in the end but its weird the crazy stuff that affected our relationship, In retrospect there were other issues we were in my room on camp and he wasn't comfortable being out of his element, I was in uniform which I knew put him off and I should have probably changed out of first. He's the nicest gentlest guy in the world and he has so few buttons to push it annoys me when people find one. Incidently she lives a 100 yards down the road joy of joys so she's part of our lives whether I want her to be or not.

[EvilEvilKitten]

No need to pick fights with your husband. But it seems you have issues yourself. I too was military and very often deployed. But I never shaved or waxed. One can clean up by other means - it just takes ingenuity and opportunity. Distilling is a useful skill to have and a plastic zip-lock bag is infinitely useful.

[sarah_rsl]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

No need to pick fights with your husband. But it seems you have issues yourself. I too was military and very often deployed. But I never shaved or waxed. One can clean up by other means - it just takes ingenuity and opportunity. Distilling is a useful skill to have and a plastic zip-lock bag is infinitely useful.

When you think about your pubes are just one big dirt magnet. If you're deploying on exercise for more than a couple of weeks you're simply not going to be able to take enough changes of underwear with you. Especially if you're doing dismounted exercises where you're living in trenches or shell scrapes.

My hygine routine consisted of bags and bags of wet wipes, and every chance I'd get I'd do the usual sweaty places even if I didn't have a clean set of undies. I never once got a UTI rash or any of the myriad of nasty stuff that other girls were getting. So I think my routine worked pretty well.

[EvilEvilKitten]

and I carried soap and a plastic bag - also never got anything nasty. You'd be amazed at what you can do when you have to.

^5 - sister.