7 months on... still not over her... :(

[LunacyT]

Hi all,

I think I posted about 6 months ago... a month after I split up with my Girlfriend of 2 years - I was feeling alot of regret, and still had very strong feelings for her. I was told this is normal, and my feelings would subside in time...

Well... they haven't - so I'm back...

Quite a long story, but I'll try and keep it as brief as poss...

Bit of history;

We we're together for 2 years, It was great, loved eachother very much - Always had amazing sex and lots of fun together. I was convinced this was 'The One'.

Jealously (From her) always caused alot of rows however. It got quite bad, to the point where we had split twice, but only for a week at a time...

Why we split;

About 8 months ago, my girlfriends terminally ill grandmother took a turn for the worse and, sadly, passed away. During the 4 weeks before her grandmothers death, my girlfriend and I barely saw eachtother - She didn't want to see me, had no interest and we actually hardly spoke, despite several efforts on my part to try and see her.

The Funeral came, but my girlfriend gave me very little info at the time, and after the service, I was supposed to meet her at the cemetary for the burial - Which she failed to tell me the location of... I tried to find out, but due to the difficult nature of being at a funeral it was a little difficult to ask... all she said was "Follow us". After sprinting half a mile to my car and trying to catch up, I lost the car I was following, and devestatingly - Didnt make it to the burial.

I was crushed. I hadn't really seen my girlfriend for a month, and this was the time I was supposed to be there for her... it took me about 2 hours to pluck up the courage to go and show my face at the wake...

Once I got there, my girlfriend didn't even ask me where I had been, she just said hello - And went and spoke with her family/friends... I'd never felt so small in my life... I felt like a ghost - I probably looked like one too...

So anyways, the trend continued for a few weeks after her grandmothers death - Not speaking much and hardly seeing eachother...

For alot of reasons (I wont explain all) I felt incredibly angry - Not least because she was mentioning a particular guy at work who had been so nice to her and comforting about the illness and subsequent loss of her grandmother. It felt like I was having to compete!

I hadn't actually been outside my house for at least 7 weeks at this point - When I was invited out to my friends Birthday Party - They all said I should come out, as it would do me some good. However, my girlfriend did her usual jealous thing and we ended up having a bit of a row about me going to this party... in the end she gave me an ultimatum; "Go to the party, and were finished."

I was absolutely fuming, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

A week and alot of rows later... I was still feeling really angry and I ended it, convinced that she obviously didn't want me.

A week or so later, she visited me several times, crying - saying we could sort things out. In my blind rage - I just dismissed her.

For the next month, I just felt like a ticking time bomb... I couldn't sleep or just seem to calm down.

About 5-6 weeks after we split, a girl at work started talking to me, and one thing led to another and we started dating a few weeks later. I started to feel much better, until we had sex... It was good, but as soon as we had finished - I was overwhelmed with guilt - Which is when I realised I still had strong feelings for my ex.

(That was when I came on the boards here last time...)

After I had had sex with the girl from work, I shortly ended things - I then soon rang my ex in a state of guilt and tears - Asking her to take me back. She declined...

I ended up spending another month of not sleeping/being angry... I then got talking to the girl at work again, and have tried to forget about my ex... but this last month has been just awful.

I cannot sleep again, I think about my ex all the time - To the point where I've been texting/ringing/emailing her frequently - Declaring that I still love her.

She has been polite with me in a way, until recently I've been getting very harsh "LEAVE ME ALONE!" texts... so I've backed off a bit... until tonight I received a phone call from her not too happy boyfriend (The one she was close with at work) demanding I leave her alone.

I dunno what to do... I'm in a right state.

I'm aware I've been a complete asshole to the girl from my work. (Currently we're still together, she knows nothing of this) I've tried to make things work, to move on from my ex...

But I'm still in love with her as much as I ever was...

My ex seems to have pretty much completely cut me out of her life now - She no longer has facebook, doesnt answer phone, reply to texts or emails...

I've written this letter to my ex... about 5 times as long as this post would you believe... I was thinking of ringing her work phone (Which she will answer) and asking her to meet to give it to her...

What shoud I do? What do you think?

Sorry for long post...

[LunacyT]

I'm sure I've missed lots of points and alot of this doesnt make sense... sorry I'm in a bit of a mess even typing it. If you need me to clarify any points...

Thanks.

[nuttychick]

Ummmm Im sorry to tell you this but.....
She said to leave her alone.. she has moved on and even her new b/f is telling you to leave her alone....
It is clear it is over yet you continue trying to get in contact her...
You have a new g/f and continue on this ????

I think you need some professional help to you face the facts

[sera300]

I am with Nutty; what's next doe she have to have the cops visit you? Or do you need a court order to you away from her? That's where you are going.

Your invitation/contacts are UNWANTED.

STALKING IS NOT NICE.

[LunacyT]

Thanks for your kind words.

I thought i'd already wrote it, as i copied and pasted alot of that text...

But after i declared to my ex that i still had feelings for her, we did meet a couple of times and talk about things - she said she still had feelings for me too.

I also received a couple of emails and texts saying she missed me... but that was a couple of months ago...

I'm still aware of my actions, and agree that i am an asshole... but i still care for her so much. I cant stop thinking about her.

I think i always assumed i could get her back, but now realising that its over for good - It's killing me.

I cant explain everything properly...

The above makes me sound like a loon... but i dunno what to do any more, but i guess i'm on my own and need to deal with it - sorry for wasting your time.

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by LunacyT

The above makes me sound like a loon... but i dunno what to do any more, but i guess i'm on my own and need to deal with it - sorry for wasting your time.

You don't need to deal with this by your self go seek
professional help...

what concerns me is that you will do something stupid
that may hurt you or others or end up in prison.

you didnt waste our time.. we just pointed out the obvious...

Move on for your own good.. I wish you luck

[EvilEvilKitten]

Concensus of opinion is that it takes 2 years to get over some one - so 7 months - what did you expect??

My advice = CHILL OUT.

It will take two years, pace yourself, and DO NOT do anything stupid while you wait.

[ExtraChrisB]

Hey, just in case you're still looking for advice - I was in a similar relationship a long while ago, and it ended just as badly. I know how you feel, my friend. All the anger, regret, tension... it never seems to go away.

My advice goes in conjunction with everyone else's - if you don't have a healthy outlet for this, you'll just explode. It doesn't have to be a professional, but it definitely would be a good thing. An alternative would be a close friend or even a parent.

Further, the next advice I have to offer will not make sense until this is all said and done. You gotta take this time to recreate who you are. It's clear that you don't like the behavior you displayed recently, with the phone calls. Take solace in the fact that no matter who you are, no matter what behavior you have displayed, you can change it. Among other things, you have to find a way to accept what has happened. Once you have accepted it, no matter how unfair it is, you can begin to heal. As I said, take this time to recreate yourself into who you want to be. It is much easier said than done, but once you get through all of this, you'll look back on the time of recreating yourself as a time of great healing. Take up a new hobby, be sure to work out and get some endorphines flowing, whatever. The idea here is to take this time to focus on yourself.

Not all the hurt will be gone in a while. I'm still dealing with some of the hurt left over from my previous relationship. Not all of it is fair, I can understand that, but the sooner you find a way to accept what has happened and somehow use it to your advantage, the sooner you can move on with your life.

"Life is not about discovering yourself. Life is about creating yourself"

[AussieBloke]

You played it right mate. She put the ultamatum to you at the party, she was the one that f*cked up by not talking at the wake and with the funeral details. You can never let someon dictate to you like that, its just not on.

Your probably always going to have a bit of a soft-spot for her, but my advice.. stop being angry, stop being jelous, just move on. Delete her number, myspace, msn, facebook - any way you can contact her, delete. If you see her out -- ignore her like she doesn't exist. Try to be happy that you had two years with her, try to be happy that shes moved on and is presumably happy.. now you've just got to do the same and stop letting her run your life 7 months after she left it.

[ExtraChrisB]

Originally Posted by AussieBloke

You played it right mate. She put the ultamatum to you at the party, she was the one that f*cked up by not talking at the wake and with the funeral details. You can never let someon dictate to you like that, its just not on.

Your probably always going to have a bit of a soft-spot for her, but my advice.. stop being angry, stop being jelous, just move on. Delete her number, myspace, msn, facebook - any way you can contact her, delete. If you see her out -- ignore her like she doesn't exist. Try to be happy that you had two years with her, try to be happy that shes moved on and is presumably happy.. now you've just got to do the same and stop letting her run your life 7 months after she left it.

hear hear!