Wife not interested...

[notgettinany]

I can't believe that all these "not interested in sex" posts are all wives talking about how their husbands aren't interested in sex anymore! My situation is exactly the opposite. I am always ready to go and she just smiles and says, "later" which rarely ever happens. And when it does, (usually bedtime)she is so concerned that the kids will hear us, she makes me wait for an hour or so after the kids have gone to bed to make sure they are asleep. She also has become totally non-verbal or basically expressionless when we do make love. I mean I can't even get a squeek out of her!

Some background...we've been together for 18 years and married for 14. We are both 43 and in relatively good shape. I love her to death and I know she loves me too. Sex used to be a marathon event with multiple orgasms. Sex used to be a daily activity. Weekends were usually twice a day. It didn't matter what time of the day...she was always eager. Now whenever we do have sex (maybe once a week), its the same old things (she isn't receptive to new things). As soon as she has an orgasm, she is ready to stop. Now I ask, How many of you women have actually ever asked "Are you almost done?" Done? I never want to be "done". I want it to be like it used to be. I want to know that I am making her feel good. I want to hear it. I want her to tell me that it felt great like she used to tell me. I can't even remember the last time I actually heard her say that she enjoyed what had just happened or what was happening. The other day, I actually felt like I was just using her to masterbate. I was getting no feedback as usual and then she asked me, "Are you almost done?" I just stopped, rolled over and grabbed the remote. She rolled over and went to sleep. Wouldn't any of you women think that something might be wrong there?

I have gone to many different websites & forums and have forwarded things to her to try to spark things up a bit. When I get home, I'll check the email account and sure enough, she has read my emails. At bedtime, nothing changes.

Wow. As I re-read this, I think we've got some problems.

I can go on ond on and feel like I am just starting to ramble, so I'll just sign off now.

Any suggestions?

[Brandye]

See a marriage counselor.

[sarah_rsl]

When did she start getting worried that the kids would hear? if you've been married for 14 years is it a recent thing.

Anyway as far as I'm concerned if you're in a relationship with someone then you have obligations and one of them is sex. It's like some people expect their partner to remain monogamous while they turn sex on or off like a tap. It's one thing if there's some problem but even still you need to let your partner know.

So your wife needs to let you know why she doesn't want to have sex, she needs to realise its a problem and then you can work it out from there. Rather than just let the whole thing simmer like some passive aggressive nightmare, just get it out in the open.

[notgettinany]

I think your all wrong about using the word "obligation". Thats what it has turned into. I think she is having sex because she seems obligated to do so. When sex goes from all the time, vocal, marathon sessions to "are you almost done?" ,quiet and movementless "obligations", then thats when you have a problem. I want what we used to have.

I asked her one time if she ever heard her parents going at it as her room was right next to thiers. She said yes. That our problem right there. I even went as far as replacing all of the bedroom doors with solid heavy wooden ones to help soundproof the room.

[constantlylearning]

Sarah is 110% correct you have to communicate and get things out in the open and
see if you can work through this.....

[Danzgrl4eva]

I was like that for a long time, I had depression and would use any excuse I could NOT to have sex. I have an 11 yr old and do sometimes worry she wil lhear us, but NOW that won't stop me. My hubby and I have had rough times. I would sit down and really talk to her, communication is HUGE, we never had that till recently. I am sorry you are going through this. I have just realized what I did to my marriage and my hubby. Maybe she needs to see a dr...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Pardon me, but yes, hearing her parents, and not wanting the kids to hear - both are very reasonable.

So what you should do is ACCEPT her reasons and think of ways to assuade her fears instead of dismissing them. Improving the soundproofing is a good start. Now think of ways of getting alone with your wife in your house. Can you find a room farther away from the kids? Perhaps some background music? Maybe signing the kids up for something on the weekends to get them out of the house?

Come on, work with us here.

[suthernchick]

i realize that this post is late but...

There could be a physical reason she's this way. I went through this with my husband and it was bad for us both. it got to the point where i just dreaded him getting "that look" or even touching me and i would think 'please no' and i would give in just to shut him up... i still loved him and i didn't know why i lost interest in sex. he even thought maybe i was cheating on him because i had zero interest in sex- and we used to be very active. Went to the doc and turns out that I have pcos, my estrogen and insulin levels were off, doc says it gets worse with age. (yay...) i'm now on meds that correct the problem and my husband and i are back to having fun at least a couple of times a week.

i can't speak for your wife, and i truly hope there's nothing seriously wrong. I just know that the problem i have had a serious impact on my marriage and i know that my lack of interest made my husband feel the way that you do. Thank God for modern medicine.

Best wishes.

[constantlylearning]

That is interesting what exactly are PCOS????? Sera will know for sure..........She knows ALL. She also has a few tricks up her sleeve I bet.

[SoFreshSoClean]

In "MY OPINION"
What she said to you was beyond WRONG! and dis-respectfull!
"Are you done?"
WTF!!!!

Funny because i really feel some women get so comfortable they lose sight of what could really be happening to them...in a sense that...if she wants to make your sex life so lame....and she has given up on it then,i wonder wha smart ass remark she will have to say when you are getting some Poosy elsewhere!

This is a short life buddy...i say go have some fun! And when you get home and she realizes after a year that you havent initated the sex or even touched her in that manner when she is ready for some...ask her in the midst of her 4play....

Are you done?

then roll over and commence the snoring!