How do I make her feel sexy?

[Yariome]

Everyone knowss my story it doesn't matter. I love my gf to death, and she has really low self esteem, she's been to classes to help her and it hasn't helped. Every professional has told her she needs to find the motivation to make herself feel better. Rather it be from family, friends, or from one self.

She feels she is overweight, she gained a few pounds after taking the depo shot a few years ago. I know she needs to exercise but it's hard for her to get motivated....

I call her beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, everything I can think of but I know it doesn't do much. My question is does anyone have any suggestions on how I can motivate her, because she can't find a way to self motivate.

[rosebanks]

maybe compliment her on a specific area she hates the most and don't shut up about how sexy she realy does look when she wears that tight dress, or when shes not got much on etc? i know this would make me feel better after a while of believing my bf really did find my problem area, irresistable!

[Yariome]

That's actually what I try to do, but her concern is her weight. She believes she is a pretty person, but she believes she is overweight, she is gorgeous in my eyes.

[rosebanks]

Yeah i used to have that problem too! , my bf suggested we went on a healthy eating regime together! that way you can support her through it, and everynow and again be like "youv really lost weigh on (oh idk) your hips babe!"

failing that join a gym together? go swimming? be all over her all the time coz you find he THAT sexy?

i think really on the whole of things its just a patience thing! you really need to work on it with her! lots of compliments and encouragment!

[Yariome]

I guess that's my biggest problem, is patience. I want her to feel better about herself so I get aggregated, I don't show it but it's aggravating believe you have the most beautiful girl in the world and that girl can't see it.

[rosebanks]

i can imagine, i hope it all works out for you and her in the end like! but DO be patient, just geting angry and stuffs gona make her go back a couple steps i think! plaster on the sex eyes and smile n don't budge it! x

[dancingdoc2]

Motivation has two parts:

P#1- A person has to become sufficiently motivated to become motivated
P#2- Then, a person has to undertake that motivation

Any number of suggestions or recommendations can be given to a person, yet until s/he is ready to do something, noting will change. As for the correct tact to take, that can be difficult because much of what she is depressed about or down on herself about is what she tells herself. "I'm too this or that, therefore I believe." Unless and until she believes and has confidence in what you give her in the way of compliments, she is essentially telling you and herself that you are not to be believed. This in itself is a poor foundation for a relationship.

She has problems that can probably be solved fairly easily with counseling, yet until she wants to and sees the value in changing her life, she is going to remain comfortable in her misery. Said another way, it is easier for a person to stay where they are in what is familiar than to embrace the unknown taking a chance on new approaches for changing their life.

Probably the more you talk about this with her the more she will dig in. I dated a women years ago who was brilliant, educated, divorced, and miserable. She complained about all manner of things yet did nothing to change her situation. She was bringing me down to her level so I just ended it.

My recommendation is to stop talking about all of this and go on as if everything was right in your relationship. Pay compliments where deserved, even little "atta girls", and tell her how great or how much fun this or that was. She needs to hear this frequently and sincerely before she can change the script playing in her head. Give it two months (thru January) and if she doesn't show signs of improvement, tell her why you are not going to date her, then stop. Notice, I did not say break up with her, only that you are going to stop interacting socially with her. You can still talk to her, you can still recommend that she talk to a counselor, you can suggest that if she wants to change her life, to begin acting like the person she wishes to be. If she acts this new way long enough, very often the new script will replace the existing one. This is especially true when there are small and significant changes in the positive that she can grasp on to.

[question78]

Ask her if she would go to the gym with you? Or ask her to go for walks around the neighborhood all mall. I went through the same thing with my wife and depo, try it out see how it goes