My family hates my fiance!

[tboostbug]

Help! My fiance & I are getting married in a few months, and my family has ex-communicated us mostly because we're having sex & we're being honest about it.

I'm a 45-year old widow, and my fiance is a divorced 46-year old (almost 4 years now)...

We took a trip together to Florida AFTER we were engaged, my 19 yr old daughter called me, and I decided to be honest with her (my fiance didn't want me to lie). I told him my family was ultra-old-fashioned, but I don't think either of us realized how much so. At first when I told my mom, she was surprised but still okay with me, but then my older more religious brother found out, and the you-know-what hit the fan. He said bad things about me behind my back to my fiance AND his teen daughter--great brother, huh...

We are uninvited for Christmas, and they won't come to the wedding in February. My mom also won't stay with my 15-yr old while we go on our honeymoon.

My fiance isn't perfect-I won't elaborate, but still, he's a great guy & loves me very much. He knows he's not perfect, he's working on some things. I think he's great for putting up with all of this crap from my Puritan family!

We love each other very much, and we're starting pre-marital counseling this week. Any good advice? Thanks!

[Brandye]

The pre-marital counselling will be a help for the two of you to discuss this issue. I would say that several members of your family have real problems. Hard as it is you must look out for yourself first. So long as he beyond parole and not a doper, none of their business whom you pick or what you two choose to do with one another.

If pre-marital sex were a real no-no, I would be a 50 yo virgin!

[dancingdoc2]

> He said bad things about me behind my back to my fiance AND his teen daughter--great brother, huh.

Your brother is a hypocrite, professing one thing and not practicing another. He can believe that sex before marriage is a sin--OK; yet when he behaves and speaks ill then he is not following the other parts of the bible or religious teachings he probably says he also believes in.

All you, your children, and soon to be husband can do is be polite and courteous to your parents and family members. Do not react should you ever have a conversation about this because a discussion with a closed mind will just lead to more turmoil.

[sera300]

I agree w/all the posts. Now there is one choice you have to make.

This is your life, you must live & be happy. Is he the one? If so, go and get married with or without family. I have a feeling they will show. As far as Christmas? Go with your fiance and have a good time. Let your family come around, do not go crawling back to them for approval. Your only other option is to be the outcast and assume the role they want you to. Not much fun...tell your brother to keep his morality in HIS home & out of your life. Do not judge him & do not allow him to judge you...pity him for his close minded thoughts on the love you have found. Its tough for people to accept what they do not understand...they do not walk in your shoes.

At the end of the day, each of us must be happy in OUR lives not in our friends or family's. They are not you, you are a grown adult capable of making your own choices. Follow and look at the situation apathetically for now, regardless of how much it hurts or what they have done.

[qcumbr1]

My wife and I are now in our 50's. We met 9 years ago and we couldn't be happier. We are both married for the third time, but finally happy. It took us 42 years to find each other. We don't have the family problems that you do, however because of the fact that we are so happy with each other, there would be no way we would let anyone stop us from being together. My point is, if your family doesn't approve of your guy ? Too bad. If you were a 19 year old, it might be a different story, but considering your age, and the fact that you now have someone in your life that will make you happy, that's really all that should matter.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me but what business is it of anyone other than yourselves?

Etiquette comes to your rescue here. A lady does not hear a question she does not regard as appropriate and has no intention of answering. So if you were asked about your sex life, you would instead talk about the flower arrangements for your upcoming wedding. Do you see?

If done in person, you can calmly glare at them while you do this to make the unspoken message even more clear. I can assure you that this is most effective.

Your family is being unChristian and that is unfortunate but you're a grown woman who is due the rights of an adult. Quietly demand them.