Making Love

[amy_simcott]

Me and my boyfriend are very much in love.
Our sex life is absolutly amazing and I really cant complain.
But as in a previous thread I put right now I am feeling rather low.
My boyfriend understands this and is really trying his best to help, he isnt pushing me to do anything at all which is nice.
Even though I have been low my sex drive has not altered.
But right now, I really need it to be more loving if that makes sense.
We are normally very energetic, and get awfully excited.
I can say there are definatly two occasions where we truly made love, felt completly connected, it was slow and beautiful and actually made me cry.
I need that type of sex, to make love. I need to that beautiful, like there really is just me in the world, me and him.
But I always feel really corny when I say it out loud, in my heart it feels like a secret, something so precious.
I really have no idea how to say this to my bf - I dont want to sound weird, or extremely needy, I mean, he pays me alot of attention and always makes me feel wanted.
How would you guys go about trying to...make this happen?

[dlb]

I have always said that making love and doing the F word (that for some reason is not allowed in this forum) are two different things. Making love is more than sex. And doing the F thing with someone you love makes it even better.

I get the feeling that what many people miss in their lives is "that loving feeling" during sex. Tell your guy what you told us. Don't think it is corny. If he is good enough for you he will understand and even if he doesn't understand he will work with you.

Also take a look at this: http://health.discovery.com/centers/...antricsex.html

[amy_simcott]

That is how I feel exactly...we have sex alot, it is amazing and so much fun, but making love is soo much more, you can really feel their love in how they touch and caress you.
Ok I will tell him, just always feels strange - even now, he still gives me extreme butterflies and makes me go all nervous - he makes me feel innocent when I am far from it lol.
I will talk to him about it and he does understand me very well so it should be ok.
Im glad im not the only one who feels and thinks this way

[smallestoftheclan]

If you"re feeling low let him know that the time you share yourselves with each other is very important to you. That you enjoy the times that there is no rush and that you can take the time to pleasure each other. And yet if you still want the get to the end as fast as you can times as well let him know that as well.

[lnt1103]

Just my two cents--if not HIM, then who can you talk to like this? He should be the EASIEST of anyone. Those conversations are MEANT to happen between the two of you. There's nothing in the world wrong with telling him what you need from him.

[amy_simcott]

I talked to him last night, he understood lol, it was great.
Guess I just needed a bit of encouragment, since I been feeling low I not been as confident.
Thanks guys, I have an awsome night

[wet_suit_one]

Query to OP,

Did it ever occur to you that you are the source of your feelings and not your boyfriend / lover? He merely enhances the feeling or is the object of those feelings but whole of the responsibility for those feelings lies with you?

Just curious...

Seems like a heavy burden for your lover to carry, especially since he may have no idea what effect he's having or how he brings about that effect.

Again, merely curious...

[amy_simcott]

I never said my boyfriend was the source of my feelings, I have spoken to the doctor, he thinks im just going through a rough stage right now - there alot more to it but too much to explain.
I am not burdening him - he has always looked after me - not in a way as if im always ill or anything but in a loving way, always checks how I am all that.
He says he likes to look after me to know i am ok.
And he is having a good effect, I am slowly feeling alot better with him help.

[dancingdoc2]

What you have encountered is one of the major differences between male and female thinking. Guys are more physically "wired" whereas women are more emotionally "wired". Guys masturbate primarily because it feels good and secondarily because it reduces stress and sexual tension. That said, what do you suppose a guy wants most when he makes love? Yes! The physical contact. Women on the other hand desire the emotional component first and foremost and it is this difference that guys do not understand unless and until they have been properly taught.

Guys will typically say anything to get their jollies and because those feelings are so wonderful especially when the pheromones are flying, they conclude that it must be great for their partner, also. Sex education doesn't teach boys that making love is mostly about the "love" on an emotional level. From the loving feelings, emotionally, between the two individuals and as an expression of this love comes the physical component. Your man needs to be enlightened not so much in the ways of the birds and the bees, rather, the ways of Eros. He/we are not to be faulted because this is really the fault of our society and our Puritan heritage in general. I believe it was Freud who uttered the now famous line: "Women, what is it that they want?" Answer: To be loved from an emotional standpoint--her mind, her soul, and then her body.

The process of making love often begins hours or a day ahead of when things are going to get physical. Either of you, although specifically the man should plant a seed of anticipation before leaving for work, or, a day earlier. Cater to her emotional needs by whispering sweet nothings, sending love notes, presenting flowers for no particular reason other than to remind her that you (the man) love her. Tell her over and over in unique and creative ways. "I love you" is OK, but repeated usage looses its impact quickly.

The same care and feeding of her psyche is a must when one or the other of you wants to get it on right then and there! A Quickie is great, greater yet is to devote time massaging her ego and her soul before massaging her skin or jumping her bones. This is what you must teach your man.

Begin by letting him read this reply. Continue by reading the Body Worship articles by EEK, listed in the Index.

I do not have any book titles off hand, however, if you go to the library and look around you should find one or two that discuss the matter of making love from the emotional aspects. Check them out and read them together.

When approaching him on the matter, be certain not to make him think he is at fault or somehow inadequate. This is not about "inadequacy", rather, simply a lack of understanding and education. Approach this as with all things new--exploring and learning together. He must understand that. Someone stated in a recent post, why wouldn't I want to do this if it brings her happiness and I get more of what I want in the process.

[Brandye]

And recognize that sometimes it really works!!!

In over thirty years of sex I have had many good experiences and a few bad ones. I have had exactly three experiences that I would call transcendent. Way beyond anything that can be expected or tried for. Those times just happened. Be happy with what you have and do not expect every time to put you over the edge.