cheating on long-distance boyfriend

[revlon19]

I am currently in a long-distance relationship and I am going CRAZY. I tell my boyfriend on a daily basis how much I hate the distance. I messed around with a guy since our long-distance has started on a few occasions, my boyfriend knows about one. We didn't do anything that would put my boyfriend at risk- clothes were on, we didn't even really kiss. Anyway, the guy that I've been doing this with has a long-distance girlfriend as well so it isn't like I am going to leave my boyfreind for this guy. I wouldn't even want to. I love being with my boyfriend. But HE isnt here. Its taking a toll. This is 2 years now we've been doing long-distance and we still have AT LEAST 2 more to go. Probably a lot more than that if we look at it realistically. I'm just wondering... Do people in long-distance relationships normally seek this sort of thing? Is there an alternative that I am not thinking of?

I do not want to break up with him, and he does not want to break up with me. Even when I told him about the first time- he didn't want to break up. We just want to be together. Because when we are together we are perfect. I'm just having trouble dealing with the distance. And seeing other guys who are close and available for what I feel I need.

I have been thinking about going to counselling to help myself deal with this because I've been having a lot of feelings of remorse and self-worthlessness because of what I've been doing to my boyfriend. Yet, I still can't seem to shake the thoughts of this other guy and the things I want to do with him. I'm also scared that if I DO go with this other guy again, that things will go further. He really turns me on. Yet I want my boyfriend.

I can see a whole lot of "can't have your cake and eat it too" comments coming just about now. But that is not going to help me what-so-ever. So please leave those comments out.

What should I do?

[dancingdoc2]

Let's see, do wives of sailors who are at sea for six months at a time cheat on their husbands?

I wonder, do girlfriends of sailors who are at see for six months play around with others because they are lonely?

Oh, and this one, do wives and girlfriends who have soldiers who are in harms way for between 12 and 18 months at a time....?

It seems to me you should be dating lots of guys non-exclusively and learning what humanity has to offer in the way of eligible guys--then narrow the field. If your long distance relationships are considered to be exclusive then you are too immature to be in one. Your friend at home is probably using your friendship opportunistically or will given a chance.

[lnt1103]

The only reason you think "can't have your cake and eat it too" comments won't help you is because you don't want to hear them. What you want to hear is that you're not risking anything, no one will get hurt, it will all be fine.

I don't coddle.

The reality is, you CAN'T have your cake and eat it too. You ARE risking something. Someone COULD get hurt.

You have to decide what you want. If you want this local guy that turns you on so much, take a leap of faith, dump your boyfriend, ask him to dump his girlfriend, and the two of you go on about your merry way. If you want your boyfriend, get the heck away from the local guy and start exploring ways you and your boyfriend can satisfy each other--make an effort to see each other more often for one thing, and speaking of which, how often do you see each other? Try things like phone sex (It's not perfect, but it can be helpful. I'm in a LDR and we do this from time to time during longer times apart, but then we also see each other on average a couple-three weekends a month.).

At the end of the day, if you're going to claim to be committed to one single person, you have to behave that way.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're not married so it is not cheating.

Stop it! You have no idea how tiring it is to hear the same BS over and over again.

No vows = no adultery aka cheating.

If you want this other guy - enjoy him! Of course someone MAY get hurt. Life is like that. Hence my advice in your other thread posting on this same subject.

Hey, Int - YES you can have your cake and eat it too - are you going to argue that with me? *evil grin*

[Ducy]

If they agreed to see each other and ONLY each other, then somebody WILL get hurt EEK.

Just leave. Cuz you obviously dont wanna spend 2 years apart let alone 4. If you really wanted to you would have figured out a way to at least see each other (flying out to visit over summer break or spring break etc.)

[lnt1103]

EEK you can only have your cake and eat it too if both members of the relationship have agreed that that's how it's going to be. I didn't get the indication from the OP that that is the case. My read of it was that they're trying to be LD but exclusive. Exclusivity being the case, one can NOT have one's cake and eat it too. In your case, there's an agreement in place so hey more power to ya.

[revlon19]

You are all right.

[sera300]

You just do not get exclusive with anyone yet. Pretty simple.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh please - the time for exclusivity is when you're afianced; not before.

Really, this excessively romantic view of sex/dating/ etc. has got to change.

Love and marriage is where you need romance not when dating. Dating is fun and games and separating the men from the boys/the women from the girls. Chase me until I catch you and vice versa. Marriage is for kids and mortgages and taxes and for the rest of your life; which is why it is marriage that needs romance - there is responsibility in marriage.

All of which is why she should be getting out and sowing her wild oats now. That way, she has a better chance of finding precisely the right man for her. Because this man is certainly NOT him.

[revlon19]

I do actually feel like my boyfriend is the one for me though. In the longrun. When we are together we are SO perfect. What I have with this other guy, does not even compare. He is basically just someone to have fun with while away from home.

I know it sounds silly to want my boyfriend in the longrun but not right now. But I feel so young and its like... I already see little wrinkles forming around my eyes.. I'm not going to be young forever. Not that I couldn't date when I'm older.. But I feel like now is the time to have fun. Later is the time to be serious.

Me and my boyfriend started dating when we were 12. We are now 19. He is actually my best friend and I'm his. Which is why it kills me to do what I'm doing to him, and I feel like I have to be honest... But for now... whether it is the distance or the fact that I'm young- I just want to be able to have fun with other people. That is selfish and greedy but it is how I feel, and I've tried to stop feeling that way, but there is nothing that can make me.... And thats the spot in my life where I am.