She lost interest in having sex!

[Lover GTI]

Hello. I'm a sex addict that suffers from very limited sex!

Our story:
I have been in a relationship for almost three years. I'm 21 and she is 19. I lost my virginity with her and she lost hers with me. The first year was sexually awesome, we were fucking almost every day, sometimes two times a day. She gave me regularly a blow- or a hand job.

We were in college together 1 hour from our home (from same town) and after our first summer we rent a small apartment together, where we still live. Around our first Christmas we moved into her parents house and there we only fucked once a week when nobody was home. I thought it was just because her parents were in the next room but after we moved back to our apartment our sex life was decreasing.

The problem starts
Since then, for almost 2 years, we have sex once a month. Sometimes more and sometimes less. The past few months it has been slightly better.

I'm a sex addict and I'm often very pissed off when she turns me down(I don't show her how pissed off I get). I have tried to talk about why she doesn't want to have sex more often than once a month, she always says: "It's not true, we do it more often" and just ignores me and gets into a bad mood. Then I have to suck her up because I hate when she's mad at me. (I have never forced her to have sex with me but sometimes I she says: "Okay, just fuck me and kills the moment")

Almost every time we have sex she only wants me on top (Missionary) and the few times she does Cowgirl.
( I dream about doggy style, first time we tried it she told me it hurt and we stopped. She gave it a second few months later and she didn't enjoy a second of it(but it didn't hurt then). But I looooooved being there! )

When I try to get her horny she says: "I'm not in the mood", "I'm so tired", "I'm not feeling so good", "I have a headache". Some times I think she should be in a hospital cause she's so ill. But doesn't mention it until I try to get to her. Finally when I get her horny she gets really really horny! I really like the foreplay. She wants me to finger her almost every time, which I love to do, and she obviously likes it and then she wants to fuck and gets orgasm... most of the time.

What I need help with
I can't understand why she doesn't want to have sex more often?

What can I do to try make her more often horny?
What can I do to try interest her in more sex position? (I think she has prejudiced other position)
What can I do to try make her open for more things.

Thanks.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please do not use four letter words. I've deleted your expletives.

> The first year was sexually awesome, we were ... almost every day, sometimes two times a day. She gave me regularly a blow- or a hand job.

What has changed?

> we have sex once a month. Sometimes more and sometimes less. The past few months it has been slightly better.

* What stresses is she experiencing?
* Is schoolwork taking much of her time?
* Are you helping out around the house and doing half or more of the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc?
* Is she on the pill? Has she changed the type?
* Are you making love to this woman or simply getting your rocks off in a hurry? In other words, are you really spending the time to make love with lots of fooling around?
* Do you do lots of cuddling and kissing while watching TV, etc?

As you can see there are lots of possible scenarios that might prevent her from becoming romantic. I think you need to sit and talk with her at a time when the two of you are not going to be romantic and tell her what you want, ask what she wants and then discuss how each of you can get the best of what you want. Do this in a nice way.

> Then I have to suck her up because I hate when she's mad at me. (I have never forced her to have sex with me but sometimes I she says: "Okay, just fuck me and kills the moment")

This is indicative of some underlying problem in the relationship. Your task is to find out what and how to change it without being confrontational or negative. Ask her for her help in working through the problem. If she won't help, then I think you have to take the pressure she seems to feel and just back off. Devote more time to just necking and cuddling with no emphasis on Foreplay and Intercourse. If it is going to happen it will happen as a natural progression. Just work on the cuddle part for the time being.

If things do not become better, then ask if she will see a counselor. If not, move on.

> Almost every time we have sex she only wants me on top (Missionary)

Only she can answer the why of this. It may be reflective of religious values or the way she was taught to think. Who knows? She does. She's gotta know that there are 101 positions. I'm wondering why she doesn't want to explore. The two of you should go to this site's Home Page and look at the many animated illustrations and discuss them. You might gain some insight into what is going on.

I also suggest going to the Index and reading the many articles listed in it. There are many how-to and insightful articles on all manner of the relationships and making love. Read, explore the possibilities, discuss the ramifications.

Right now, you need answers that only she can provide. Inquire out of curiosity with a positive approach and non threatening and see what happens.

Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

What did you really expect? Two virgins getting together and you think it is going to be WOW wild sex?!?! NO. Wild comes with experience - sorry.

You have to talk WITH her and find out what are her REAL attitudes regarding sex. Obviously, she has some issues with the subject. You're going to have to NOT trigger a defensive mindset by asking non-judgmental, open-ended questions that invite a thoughtful response. If she says x but her actions have said y, tell her 'but that's not what you do, you do y and I was wondering why you say x and do y."

Unless she unleashes her sexuality, you may have to find yourself another girlfriend. Can you really think about being with her for the rest of your life, with the sex being the same as it is now, without whincing?

[Brandye]

Think ahead ten years. Still the same. Happy marriage?

The sex is symptomatic of other things in the relationship. The two of you need some couples counselling ora it is time to move - for both of you. Her body is telling her things she does not want to think with her mind.

[EvilEvilKitten]

She's propbably fearing that she's a slut since she enjoys sex or some similar foolishness - after all, there was a reason she was a virgin - right? And now she's trying to hide from the truth - everything she was taught re: sex was wrong, wrong, wrong!

[wet_suit_one]

Fark dude! Abandon ship!!!

More wreckage created by the idiotic ideas floating around in western society about sex. Sigh... I've got no time for this nonsense, none at all!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Remember this when you have daughters and raise them correctly!