Monogamy and marriage...

[wet_suit_one]

Do the two naturally go together? Is it reasonable to expect them to go together? Must you have the first to have the latter?

I am curious. I am thinking about these things lately and it's not clear to me that the two necessarily go together.

Help me out here folks.

I appreciate your input and thoughts.

Cheers!

[Brandye]

Most marriage ceremonies and/or vows include the line "forsaking all others" or something similar. Now your question, "Naturally." There is a difference between natural and normal. In the modern world it appears that people are more likely to be serial monogamists than true monogamists - that is, they have only one sex partner at a time. This, too, can be questioned.

I have never been married and I have never really been monogamous. During the time of a serious engagement (ended in his death) I was with him only. Where would this have led? Who knows?

Some months ago I listed all my friends who had been truly monogamous. There was no one on the list. Now the religious types can raise their heads and quote the taboos of whatever religion. I would point out that most religions that emphasize monogamy also emphasize no pre-marital sex. Church records in England and New England of the 17th and 18th centuries reveal that one bride in three was pregnant at marriage.

Monogamy is an ideal that, I guess, many strive for. But the data on women today are that fifty percent become sexually active between their 18th and 20th birthdays. The average at at marriage is 26+. I doubt that many of us come to the marriage bed with only our intended as a past partner.

I can't even keep straight which gender to take to bed!

[dlb]

There are cultures in which polygamy exists. I am not an anthropologist but maybe in the past 50 years there were still tribes somewhere where there was polyandry-don't quote me on that one.

So history shows that marriage and monogamy are not mutually inclusive.
Even in "polygamous" western culture philandering is somewhat expected and since the sexual revolution it is not uncommon for married women to have affairs.

This is a varied and wonderful world we live in. Some people manage to marry one person and never have sex with anyone else and remain happy. Others marry, one or both have affairs and they stay together happily. And still others are active swingers who feel that consensual freedom from sexual monogamy strengthens their relationship and helps keep them together.

Unfortunately there are some people who have not figured out how to make any of the above work.

[lnt1103]

Under Brandye's definition I can't be considered a 'true' monogamist, but I am indeed a serial one. While I've had more than one partner, I have one at a time. Further, if I'm not in a serious, monogamous relationship, there's no sex. Tried FWB at one time against my better judgment, and discovered I'd been right all along, it's not for me. I need the solid, exclusive relationship to be there before the sex can happen. Not criticizing or questioning other ways of doing it, this is just how I roll.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I prefer polyandry myself. That is one primary man and a few secondary men on a FWB basis - all long term, of course.

The current polyandrous society exists in Tibet but it is gradually falling out of favor even there. Seems men simply cannot conquer jealousy. But since that evil also arises in polygamous societies - why every woman has her own home - it isn't just a masculine problem.

The two do not HAVE to go together but they most often do.

[Beans518]

I guess this would depend on the person. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question,just right or wrong for the person. I myself side with EEK.