Dealing with Adultery

[wet_suit_one]

I note EEK, that you have not answered my question. Explain the bond to me if you could please. Thanks.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Mothers bonding to children is a survival need. The bonding between husband and wife is more of an emotional sustenance rather than a survival need typs of bond - that there is at least one person in this world who gives a damn about you. But it also helps their children survive in that having two parents is better than just having one. Tis called "pair-bonding" by the sociologists.

[Buck Naked]

I read this article and I'm not sure what to make of it. Some points I agree with and others seem to be judgemental and short sighted. Anyone else have any thoughts:

http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/re...abc&date=False

[Dbondjuk]

Here is something for you all. If a women is pregnant with the mans baby, and she cheats (or him) would it be a good decision to stay if you don't love that person just because the baby is involved? Personally, I don't, but financially some people might stay because they can't live on their own, no matter how unhappy they might be.

[EvilEvilKitten]

never stay for any other reason than full bore love - ever. There is alaways child support and other arrangements that can be made in case of pregnancy.

[wet_suit_one]

So if a person is incapable of love never marry? Is this correct EEK?

[Buck Naked]

IMO...I don't think you can ever truely get over being cheated on. You can get past it to a certain degree, but it's always there. It's a cloud of doubt that has to enter into your mind everytime something doesn't feel right.

As for the marriage, I agree that you shouldn't get married unless it's for the right reasons. Especially if children are involved. They should be given every opportunity to succeed in life and I don't think having parents that tolerate each other gives them that. There are marriages of convenience that work our for some, but they are rare and both parties are willing participants. Again, I don't think that this would be a great situation with kids.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Buck Naked in that case the person never getting over it - doesn't really love their spouse since they're putting their own pride and security issues above all other considerations.

Think about how you appear - the perpetual victim - always ready to bash your spouse over the head - again.

WSO - correct. But you want to stop selling yourself short.

[irontantra]

how does the spouse come to find this "proof"

if they were digging for clues, then the pain they found is their's to bare.

now, if the cheater reveals themselves, then they are just selfish and mean.

If the cheater is careless with evidense, then they are disrespectful.

I am enlightened, and my mate is very traditional. I stay with her, and it is good for her. Yet I am spirited and MUST play, or leave. SO- I take good care to meet her needs in the bedroom, and then I LIVE MY LIFE.

BUT-- if she goes diggin thru my phone, or breaks into my e-mails.... THEN SHE CAN FEEL THE PAIN SHE FINDS.

just my .02

live, live well, and let live.

[wet_suit_one]

EEK, I seriously doubt I can love. I have such a poor view of relationships as a rule (given divorce rates, the ME culture (I'm a prime example I know ), my knowledge of my own failings etc., etc., etc....) that I don't think I can marry until I'm about 90. By that time, I should die before I divorce so I can die married.

Love... Who believes in love anymore?