When does a relationship become "long term"

[rosebanks]

Like when do you class your relationship as a long term relationship?, apologies if this is already in the forum somewere but i cant find it, so i thought i'd post my own, but yeah , i've been with my BF for a year yesterday, would this be classed as long term?

x Rose.

[sera300]

I assume it's a LTR; however, I do hope you are considering him as marriage material and he is you--in the near future.

Why exclusive relationships without nearing marriage waste emotions and feelings...causing confusion & the marriage of the wrong person.

To do you share common values, ethics, goals, compatibility and sexual compatibility? Are you both ready to be husband & wife?

[rosebanks]

marriage to me seems a long way off, alot further on than a year into the relationship anyways. Neither of us are ready to be a husband or wife, we both feel to young for this :]

[sera300]

Originally Posted by rosebanks

marriage to me seems a long way off, alot further on than a year into the relationship anyways. Neither of us are ready to be a husband or wife, we both feel to young for this :]

What makes you believe you are best for the other?

[dlb]

1.Has this relationship lasted longer than most of your relationships?

2.Do you plan to stay in it for the unforeseeable future?

If you answered yes to both of these questions it is a long term relationship.

[rosebanks]

Originally Posted by sera300

What makes you believe you are best for the other?

This is hard to answer, i just know we are, i'm able to tell him things i can tell no other, and vice versa.
we have already spoken about getin a place together : ) (currently looking for somewere) and he just simply brings out the best in me!

[dancingdoc2]

> Like when do you class your relationship as a long term relationship?

I do not know that there is a set time frame for such a classification. I would think that with teenagers anything longer than six months is "long term". As for a couple in their early to mid twenties, a span of time over a couple of years seems logical. As for older couples in their thirties and beyond, long term could be the same or even after a longer span of time. Defining a LTR is somewhat arbitrary yet also based upon historical averages. Young teens rarely stay together longer than a year--and, so it goes.

Call it as you see it.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by rosebanks

This is hard to answer, i just know we are, i'm able to tell him things i can tell no other, and vice versa.
we have already spoken about getin a place together : ) (currently looking for somewere) and he just simply brings out the best in me!

I would give it another half a year before considering residing together. I would never recommend residing together unless marriage is eminent in the next few months and you are doing it since it's economically feasible.

If it's so right; wait it out. If you are not ready to marry; you are not ready to reside together.

[dancingdoc2]

YUP.We frequently hear about people living together who later find that one, the other, or both are not happy living together. Similarly, we frequently read a post in which a couple is contemplating moving in together and looking for a suitable residence. Here is an initial Check List.

Better to date more, spend more time together doing things, observing, and discussing how you will live together and what your respective priorities are that are important; and, listening to answers, thoughts, and opinions. Difficulties often develop because people believe that "love triumphs over all". Not necessarily. It is better to plan your life, first, then execute your plan instead of moving in and hoping things will just work out. This is a naive approach.

So, what sorts of things are important? Here are a few, why not add your suggestions to the list?

* Children, yes/no
* Children, how many
* Children, over what time frame
* Children, can we afford one, two, three, four, five and when

* Religious values and importance of being of the same faith
* Moral values and what is important to each

* Can we live on one income
* Will we live on one income
* Will we save some or all of the second income

* Insurance--life/car/death
* Health insurance
* Assisted living & nursing/rest home insurance
* Savings--long term, short term, retirement
(Premiums are lowest and most affordable when taken out at a young age.)

* Can each of you make out a budget and live within your means?
* How much credit card debt do each of you have? If more than $1000, pay them off, first, then cut them up. If you must have a credit card, put it in a safe deposit box for emergency use only. Make your relationship cash and carry.

Other than a college loan, or perhaps a mortgage, you shouldn't have any other obligations than maybe a car loan and even that is likely to place a strain on a budget especially if one or the other of you has a big expensive set of wheels to satisfy the ego and sense of self.

* Food--do we like mostly the same things, mostly different things, can we find a common menu within our budget?

* Housing--styling, size, colors, design, location

* Automobiles--how many, how often / new or previously owned

-=-=-=-

* Devote much of your dating time discussing how you plan to live together and interact.
* If you want to live together, now, begin planning today for this in the future by saving your money and maintaining separate checking and saving accounts, while establishing a joint savings account in order to begin storing funds for your future together. If either of you is not willing or capable of doing this, you definitely are not ready to share a bed, let alone a household. Ten percent of your collective income(s) should go into savings, minimum. Once you have worked out a budget, you should have a minimum of six months savings in the bank for a rainy day, loss of income, or other emergency.

If you are a guy, are you going to have a trophy wife that you woo'd, bedded, possibly got pregnant, and then leave to her own devices while you proceed to devote much of your free time to the truck, car, and their repairs and modifications, hunting or fishing, or just out with the boys, while your wife and child wait on the front stoop waiting patiently and anxiously for you to give them some of your precious time? Have you matured sufficiently to spread your wealth and divide it up among all of your interests, placing family first?

Very often women jump into home life only to learn that you fight and have disagreements that you do not know how to mediate, negotiate, or, solve. Learn these skills, first, before moving in together as it is more difficult to move out and find a new place than it was to move in together in the first place.

Test not only his ability to bring out the best in you as well as the reverse. Look for changes in his priorities. If he begins devoting more and more time to other pursuits at the expense of your relationship, then you need to decide what is important. While the two of you can have outside interests and hobbies, they have to be placed into perspective. Relationships once fought for and won continue to require nurturing. Guys often do not get this until it is much too late and damage to the relationship has occurred.

Wait. Do not be in a rush to move in together. Work on getting the ring first by making sure the two of you are devoted to each other and are ready to commit to marriage--then, you can move in together. Next, develop a life plan that you can both embrace. Unless and until you two can do these things, then living together should be as roommates with separate bedrooms, space in the refrigerator, and shelves in the pantry. Let him do his own laundry! About the only shared activity is housekeeping.

Bottom Line:

If he cannot keep the house/apartment picked up, clean; dishes washed and put away, without being asked, he is not ready to have a relationship at this level. He may think he is because by you moving in he might very well have the mistaken and misguided notion that you will be doing all these things even if you also have a job. Now, add a child to this mix and you find him out with the boys or working on his precious car or locked to the computer for hours, and then what? Oh, and can the lad cook? If he only knows how to eat out or use the microwave, he is not ready to live with someone. What about you?

* Time Management--As with establishing a weekly/monthly budget and sticking to it, a couple also needs to establish a time management budget. Begin with a daily planner and pencil in tasks to be accomplished daily, weekly, monthly and on which days. Next, pencil in each of your personal activities and time spent together.

If either of you are lacking skills in one or more of the areas above, learn how to do them, then place them into daily use.

I've said many times: Relationships are partnerships in which two autonomous adults join forces in order to share a life that is greater than the sum of its parts. Explore and learn together, and live life as a team.

For you and others reading this who are contemplating this move, you have much homework to do before doing the "homework", if you follow my drift.

[EvilEvilKitten]

TWO YEARS.

There, question answered. Now back to our regularly scheduled program...