lost feelings.

[rlgates]

Im in a spot and I dont know what to do.

First of all, Im a returning poster, have not been on these boards in a few months.

Ok, my ex and me have been trying to stay friends sence we broke up at the end of may. It has been working ok for now. I have been helping her get over who she left me for, and now she has, whice is VERY good for her and her little girl.

Now, to say I dont still have feeling for her would be a lie. After all we have been though, I still deeply love her. My family thinks I am nuts, but they understand why. But, here is the kicker! I found out a few days ago, she has started dating already..some guy she meet on a online dating site. I just dont know what to do.

On one hand, should I tell her the way I feel and try to win her back?

or, after the last 5 months of hell her EX, who is the deadbeat father of her child, come back after being gone the last 4 years or so, never seen or done anything for his kid, should I let her be happy and just leave it? if I do that, how do I move on?

Before anyone says anything, let me tell you more. This relationship was the best one of my life. I looked for almost 12 years for someone like this and would loved to have spent the rest of my life with them. Seeing or knowing that they are with somone else, hurts more then anything I can bear.

Call it love sick or depression, I dont know, I just want it to end so I can move on with my life, then again, I am not having any luck with dating anyway. I have not meet or gone out with anyone in months now, god knows I have tryed!

[sera300]

Leave her alone! Why; she will still return to him again in the future. Let go and go one with your life. Get her out of yours since she is part of it you cannot & will not move on.

[Brandye]

Sera is spot on. Co-dependent relationships tend to go on and on and on. That is what she has with the other guy and you are running the risk of becoming the safe place to which she returns each time she is hurt by him. No a happy place to be.

[rlgates]

I was guessing that is what would be the idea, and belive me, I am trying. I just cant find anyone willing to go out with me, fuck, even willing to talk to me for 5 min it would take to just get to know me. I have tryed dating sites, craigslist, asking friends and co workers for the last 10 years. My EX was and still is the only time it worked.

why is it that people now of days will judge a person with out evening talking to them or saying two words to them, and how do you get around that fact?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by rlgates

I was guessing that is what would be the idea, and belive me, I am trying. I just cant find anyone willing to go out with me, fuck, even willing to talk to me for 5 min it would take to just get to know me. I have tryed dating sites, craigslist, asking friends and co workers for the last 10 years. My EX was and still is the only time it worked.

why is it that people now of days will judge a person with out evening talking to them or saying two words to them, and how do you get around that fact?

No clue. Same predicament as far as dating.

However, you need to get on even if it's alone & away from her. Similarly, I held to the ex fiance, even were FWB, and good friends. Guess what? neither were moving forward or at times one would and the other was not. We became the others fall back person.

For sanity's sake we decided to just say good bye and move forward. Why? I am ready & wanting a nice relationship which will last, with him in my life even on a friendship level, I do not really put my heart into moving my life forward. It drifts back to what once was & he does the same.

I don't care if the remainder of my life is alone, hope it's not; however, if it is, it will be 100% mine.

In dating, I have come to the conclusion people are too self absorbed to go beyond themselves & find out about others or to even care. If you are not the proverbial arm piece forget it & honestly that is the guy I don't want.

Keep looking and spend time into making your own life in the interim. You your ex & you worked; you would be together and she would not have done what she did & has done to you. You don't hurt those you love.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop it, both of you!

Finding someone is a combination of him/her meeting your desires and you meeting his/hers. Yes, this can be tough.

But meeting one-on-one is a crap shoot - so instead - go to the parties known as Meet & Greets - large open invite parties held in public places. Look good, be willing to laugh, talk, dance - etc. Clean yourself up, Get your act together and get out there!

Why? Because you never know your luck.

and you could try using this book to help guide you: www.lulu.com/content/2431259

[sera300]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Stop it, both of you!

Finding someone is a combination of him/her meeting your desires and you meeting his/hers. Yes, this can be tough.

But meeting one-on-one is a crap shoot - so instead - go to the parties known as Meet & Greets - large open invite parties held in public places. Look good, be willing to laugh, talk, dance - etc. Clean yourself up, Get your act together and get out there!

Why? Because you never know your luck.

and you could try using this book to help guide you: www.lulu.com/content/2431259

I do go out. And yes it's crap shoot. But serious stuff; men at my age are just playing around; the majority just got out of a marriage or think they are ready to get involved & are not. The ones who start to get back into a mind set of "normal" fall closer to my parents age! Can throw on-line dating out the window as far as I am concerned.

So, I go about life, meet people, expect nothing, and do not get disappointed. However, I found I have to leave the ex alone too comfy but going no where. Yes, that was the reason I called the wedding off [as the light bulb goes on], it was really for a good reason, he's only an "occasional" kinda guy. But no more playing there.

40 and 63 make a big generational gap...they want to retire & I am out in life. Last night same; went out, to the City for an event. Met some nice guys...three single around my age? They were gay, yes we had fun but not doing to be date material.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I know you do sera, but still - eventually those divorced men you passed on getting to know will recover, will be looking for a wife and they will not ask you although you're a wonderful woman. Even if they aren't ready now, keep them in the loop so that when they are ready you get "first call".

[sera300]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

I know you do sera, but still - eventually those divorced men you passed on getting to know will recover, will be looking for a wife and they will not ask you although you're a wonderful woman. Even if they aren't ready now, keep them in the loop so that when they are ready you get "first call".

Might be nice to get there before they send me off to the nursing home!

[EvilEvilKitten]

OH, I don't know about that! From what I've heard those nursing homes can get pretty damn wild!