Anyone have their wife/husband cheat on them?

[emoney]

If so, I need some advice. I just found out, about a month ago, that my wife has cheated on me several times. Her friend, who covered for her while she was doing her dirt, filled me in. She still wants to be married and keep the family together and all that jazz. To be 100% honest, in my heart, I do too. It's just that I can't help feeling like a fool if I do decide to keep the marriage going.


Any help ?

[constantlylearning]

In earlier posts, weren't you thinking of exploring outside interests as well. That
maybe another poster so if it is, please pardon me. What exactly took place, the
duration etc. Maybe a few more details might help.

[sera300]

Yes, and you work to rebuild the trust. However, you both need 100% commitment to your marriage and not to individual interests.

First place to begin is with a GOOD marrige counselor. And she needs to be brutally honest with you regardless of if she wishes to or not. No deception.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Wow, what an opportunity!! By all means, go to counseling and find out WHY she felt the need to go "outside". It may very well have nothing to do with her love for you - but understand that if you had any fantasies or thoughts to expand your love-life - NOW is the time to discuss them!

Often an apparent misstep is an avenue for growth and enrichment!!

[emoney]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

In earlier posts, weren't you thinking of exploring outside interests as well. That
maybe another poster so if it is, please pardon me. What exactly took place, the
duration etc. Maybe a few more details might help.

Yup that was me but I never,ever went outside of the marriage. I gt over it I guess and chalked it up to being young and married but I feel like if I do stay with her she has to be punished. I know that isn't anywhere near mature but it's how

She cheated somewhere around 1 year ago while we were still boyfriend/girlfriend and a couple of times while we were married. She said she only gave them fellatio which I don't believe because she started to douche out of nowhere, claiming she had an abortion but didn't tell me.

[emoney]

Originally Posted by sera300

Yes, and you work to rebuild the trust. However, you both need 100% commitment to your marriage and not to individual interests.

First place to begin is with a GOOD marrige counselor. And she needs to be brutally honest with you regardless of if she wishes to or not. No deception.

No matter what, I honestly don't see myself trusting her like I used to or even loving her like I used to. I do still love her but the level I once had ( which was a a lot) is gone.

[constantlylearning]

Yes, it would be difficult (in IMO) to love that deeply without trust and sincere
feelings. Love is difficult enough, we are always changing and evolving in our
relationships in the best of circumstances. It would be hard to see forever
in someone's eyes given the lack of trust. I think Sera has offered the best
advice and do I hope you find happiness and more importantly contentment.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by emoney

No matter what, I honestly don't see myself trusting her like I used to or even loving her like I used to. I do still love her but the level I once had ( which was a a lot) is gone.

Right now you may feel that way & have a right to. Your trust & feeling of the deep love has changed. This is the chance to fix an underlying problem & she is willing as well.

If you both are committed to deep, live long love;you soon realize this is only sex. It's the totality of your lives together which can span decades.

I recall being where you are, considering leaving, his promise not to do it again, and with time we did better. I shall never forget the New Year's Eve looking in the window while I walked the dogs...how insignificant the "out of marriage" part was in the entire picture of life. Well, later he went out of the marriage since it was the "thrill of the chase" with him & at that point I ended the marriage.

If two are committed to working it out with no regrets and fall-backs you have a chance. If one slips and is dishonest; you divorce.

You have a chance at a new start. And you do learn to love more deeply & the trust can be regained to a higher level. Finding the root TOGETHER is the key. Recall the better for worse part of your marriage vows...don't walk. You feel badly right now since your future is very uncertain. Look at it as the opportunity to beat the odds and better a marriage.

No, you don't get even & go out and cheat...give this a chance the alternative is horrible. You have nothing to loose & the world to gain.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"She has to be punished."

Hmmmmm. Apparently hurting the one she loves - else she would have been gone by now - feeling remorse for that, knowing she has lost your trust and your love, and knowing she'll have to live with that for the rrest of her days, and knowing that she has to come clean and work and get counseled, etc. etc. etc. - is not punishment enough.

Are you SURE you want to stay married to her?
Because you could just cut and run.

[emoney]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Are you SURE you want to stay married to her?
Because you could just cut and run.

I can honestly say that I'm sure. I know it's unfair to her to go back and forth with my feelings but I can't say that I'm sure.